lovesparis Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 my dad passed away this week 3 years ago. i found him. i'm really struggling this week. i've been clenching my jaw in my sleep and waking up with my whole face feeling like it's on fire. the past 2 nights i've been up off and on until 4 or 5 am. part of it is my bf keeping me up, but he's up late all the itme and i'm only being affected by it this week. i was so pissed when he rolled over and snuggled up to me and woke me up last night. i got up to use the toilet and almost burst into tears. my first thought was that i was so exhausted i could cry. my 2nd thought was "why would he wake me up knowing i need to get up early". my 3rd thought was "omg, i'm over reacting. what's going on?" and then i realized it's anniversary time. i know it's pretty normal to react to this time of year, and my sleeplessness is only emulating my sleeplessness from the week he died (my grandmother was passing me her ambien for a straight week-- she was so concerned about my lack of sleep) but i never realize how it's going to impact me until it's too late.
Tony T Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 The loss of a parent is VERY difficult. My mother died when I was 13 and not only did I mourn on anniversaries of her death but I mourned every single day. I eventually learned to let it go. My mother would have wanted me to remember her in a positive way and to celebrate her life on those "anniversaries." I'm sure your dad would want you do to the same. Instead of making these annual treks to deep depression, why don't you periodically pay tribute to him irrespective of the day of his death. Celebrate all the days he was LIVING!!!
RecordProducer Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 I am so very sorry you feel this way. I can imagine how it must feel to lose a parent. But your Dad wouldn't want to see you suffering so much, so try to be strong because of him. You were lucky that you received love and affection from him; that treasure is built in your heart and your father's life was not wasted. Missing a wonderful person is still better than not missing a person that we lost. Again, I am sorry for your pain.
Author lovesparis Posted September 28, 2008 Author Posted September 28, 2008 tony, i don't willingly put myself into depression over this. death is only a beginning of something else. as a whole i have a very good perspective on death and dying; albeit a morbid sense of humor about it.. i believe in remembering the life, not mourning the death. death! i laugh in the face of death! mwhaha. rp, thanks for your kind words
0hpenelope Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 I'm sorry... My sympathies to you and your family. Sending feel good vibes your way. You feeling a little better today?
Author lovesparis Posted September 28, 2008 Author Posted September 28, 2008 actually, yes. thank you. well, so far anyway! but i was able to sleep last night, so we're off to a better start.
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