BaD_Day Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 If a girl you like is telling you stuff like "i have a huge headache today ect.." or "I'm waiting at a bus station for 1 hours already ...". Basically she's telling me some of her small problem... Should I respond by comforting her? or just crack a joke about it? I've been known to try and please others too hard, and I know it's a huge turn off to women, so I don't want to step on the wrong path again. among my friends, I've always been known as the "problem solver", any problem they come to me (except for relationship problems since they all know I suck at it). But to a girl, I don't think a problem solver is a good romantic candidate .
ed-205 Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 It's a shot in the dark, here, but I'm inclined to say that if all she does is talk about her problems to you, she's just looking for someone to pay attention to her, and has already has you pegged in the Friend Zone. I have had women like this tell me every intimate detail of their personal lives, more than I ever wanted to know about them. A few of them even dragged me along on dates to "check out" the guy they were with! Some of them were total emotional/spiritual parasites. Be her friend if you want, but set limits on how far you go without some reciprocation, because being that perpetual "Special Friend" gets old REAL fast!
Author BaD_Day Posted September 27, 2008 Author Posted September 27, 2008 It's a shot in the dark, here, but I'm inclined to say that if all she does is talk about her problems to you, she's just looking for someone to pay attention to her, and has already has you pegged in the Friend Zone. I have had women like this tell me every intimate detail of their personal lives, more than I ever wanted to know about them. A few of them even dragged me along on dates to "check out" the guy they were with! Some of them were total emotional/spiritual parasites. Be her friend if you want, but set limits on how far you go without some reciprocation, because being that perpetual "Special Friend" gets old REAL fast! Keep my distance, got it.... not a problem solver... cool, that's what I thought too, I just have to try and fight the urge, after all those years helping out friends, it just become 2nd nature to solve other people's problem haha.
Konfuzion Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Men in general love to solve problems, that's what we do. I normally in those situations will ask as cooky as it may sound will ask "how do you want me to listen to you? Do you just want an ear or do you want me to try to fix it"?
Konfuzion Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 I found what I was trying to tell you in one of my favorite books so I will quote it, this is from the book "How to give her absolute pleasure" by Lou Paget. "Women respond best to the more self-confident and self-assured men, and those are men who listen. If a woman comes to you with a question, concern, problem, or simple story from her life, she may not be asking you for your advice. Ask her up fount if she just wants you to just listen or, if she does want advice, listen first and then give advice. Often she quite simply wants to be heard, and your listening means that you care. However as a man, you may respond by wanting to "fix" her problem. Providing a solution isn't what she wants, and she may think you are being condescending. And if you constantly interrupt her while she is speaking, she will know your not listening. Then she will withdraw, and where will that get either of you?" Hope that's helpful, great book maybe you should buy it
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