Will he be back

[unknown815]

so here's my story:

 

I am 26 years old. I have been on and off with the same man for 7 years. We started dating when we were 19 but i knew him when i was 15. We didn't speak for years and started up again when i was 19.. I love him with all my heart. We have been through our fair share of drama. I have hurt him terribly in the past (when we first started seeing each other) and since then - its him who has somehow gained a certain control over me that I've never gotten back.

After being together for so many years he decided that he didn't want to be with me anymore. needed to "find" himself and focus on his career. He moved 45mins away into the City and into his own apartment. This was after a five year relationship. I was heart broken. Did crazy things and made things worse.He started to HATE me. I was sick to my stomach. After he moved - we completely stopped talking for about 8 months. No contact. I did however know that he had a new girlfriend. We have common friends.

 

So after not speaking for 8 months i finally was coming around to being happy again. I was actually on a vacation with my girlfriends when he called me out of the blue..Since that phone call we started seeing each other again. Never talking about our past... I would basically go there and spend the weekends with him just having fun - nothing too serious. About 3 months in - I found i was pregnant. This was a shock and very overwhelming. I knew immediately i was going to keep my child. He did not take this well. It was a disaster. He told me how much he HATED my guts and wrote me hate mail. Told me he never loved me and if i keep the child he would never look at me again. he told me that it probably wasn't his and if so - i "TRAPPED" him into it. Devastating!!!

He also told me that he had yet a NEW girlfriend that he just met and he was very happy with. I knew this was the truth because people saw them out together.. We never saw each other for the first 7 months of my pregnancy. He called occasionally to check and claimed he would be there for the child but never for me. PS - He comes from a good family who i kept in touch with throughout the pregnancy.

 

So 7 months in - he called me and said he was moving back into his parent who live right near me. He came to me and cried. apologized over and over claiming what a fool he was. saying he was just scared and very immature. HE' 27 by the way! He told me he loved me and missed me and wanted to make it work.

I fell for it. I love him. We can be so great together. I let him in my heart again.

 

My daughter is now 1 years old. We were talking about living with each other and a future...

About 2 months ago he said this was just too much for him and he needed to move back to Manhattan to get back into his career. that it would make "us" better..That he needed sometime for hi,self and wasn't ready to fully commit and put the time in that i deserved..2 weeks in - i found out YET AGAIN that he is seeing a new girl. When i confronted him - all hell broke out. He admitted everything but started with his "hate" mode again. He said he NEVER told me he loved me or wanted a future with me. That i am a nut and need to stay out of his personal life...Its like - if he's not with me, he forces himself to Hate me to validate why he does what he does. If he hates me - it easier for him. who knows...

 

Now he's with this girl. She hasn't been around my child but i do know that when my daughter sleeps at his house - the girl comes over and they hangout once she is sleeping. We only speak when it has something to do with our daughter. He drops her off and picks her up and we don't even look at each other.

 

I am so devastated and I KNOW that i shouldn't want someone who did this to me..Its just that I know it could have been so great if he allowed it to be. He couldn't commit to me - so how could he commit to this other women???? It makes me sick. I was so good to him and dont know what to do. YES, I do want him back. I dont think i can get over this and move on. In my head, hes never coming back...I need advice. Do you think he will come back. Can anyone please comment.

I am a good looking women and dont have a problem dating other men. there is nothing wrong with me except the fact that i just cant seem to get on with the thought of him not being here. I'm very very scared. I pray 5 times a day. i feel insane. I just cant understand how he could live with himself knowing what hes done. How he could be with another women so easily.

WILL HE BE BACK?

[0hpenelope]

I'm sorry that you're in this situation.... I really feel for your child, too.

 

I think that you should focus on yourself and your daughter. If he wants to come in, then he'll come in. He's 27 and he's still doing these antics?

 

Your gut's talking to you, too. It's here:

 

if he's not with me, he forces himself to Hate me to validate why he does what he does. If he hates me - it easier for him.

 

He knows that there's something wrong with what he's doing. He reeks "Defensive!" all over the place. I think that guilt is harder to deal with than hate. If he wanted to break ties with you and not necessarily your child, he definitely could have done his part with a lot more maturity than he's shown to you so far. And you do have some part in his personal life - not for yourself, but for your daughter. Anything that he does, anyone he hangs out with... he exposes them to her. That doesn't mean you get the green light to grill him with questions, but definitely when your daughter visits him... I think you have a right to know who your daughter's going to be around. After you get her back from him, then his personal life's off-limits. Will this new gf be a good mom figure when you're not around? These questions are important to ask.

 

Please, please focus on yourself and your child. You've done what you can and he still hasn't got his priorities straight. Your daughter's more important than her jerk of a father...