Never thought it would happen to me!

[Tess2005]

I found this site because I was desperately seeking answers and hopefully someone here will get me back on track. You see, I am the "other women" and I think I'm losing my mind.

 

Here's the story, about 2 months ago I became involved with a MUCH younger co-worker. We are both married, and have no plans on leaving our spouses. Our relationship is purely physical. This guy makes me feel like the sexiest, most desirable woman in the world. He has stirred feelings that I thought had died a long time ago. We have not had intercourse but have had some pretty hot sessions. Given the opportunity I am sure we would go to bed but it would take planning on our part so it would be a very deliberate act.

 

There have been many conversations about stopping all of this because we both know what we are doing is wrong and neither one of our spouses deserves this. But it's like we are magnets. My husband is a great guy who loves me dearly but he just doesn't "rock my world" like this guy does. Same goes for him, wife is a great gal but sex is maybe once a month and it's like a chore, or so he says.

 

Anyway, I am obsessed over this guy. He is all I think about, but I know my thinking is not at all clear. I am behaving like a teenage even though I am in my late 40's. How do I clear my head and stop this before I do something I know is so wrong? I feel like I am ready to throw caution to the wind and just go for it.

 

My biggest guilt is the fact that I am Catholic and this is a VERY big deal for me. I have broken one of the Commandments and even though I know this is a sin, I continue to mess around with this guy.

 

I work with this guy so I am see him everyday. Changing jobs is not an option because I have over 25 years invested but how do I see him everyday and not want to rip his clothes off? Believe me when I say he is hot and hard to resist. His kisses are like none other and when he looks at me it's like I am the only woman in the world. My thought process is so askew it's not even funny. I have no good reason for doing this other then the fact he makes me feel so damn good.

 

If anyone reading this can help put this in proper perspective I would really appreciate it. I need to get out of this before it proves to be disatrous for both of us. Thanks for any light you can shed.

[whichwayisup]

You're about your ruin your life, your marriage, your career, your reputation.

 

Decide WHO it is you want and go from there. If you want to bang the MM, fool around, keep him in your life for an ego feed, for sex, whatever - Then TELL your husband the truth. Let HIM decide if he wants to stay married to you. For all you know, maybe you aren't doing it for your husband either..Maybe he would want an OW on the side. Talk about an open marriage..

 

OR, end it with the MM, fix your marriage by telling your H the truth, work on getting back the passion and grow together, instead of apart.

 

What you're doing now is selfish and it's ON the expense of your husband and kids - If you have any.

[Lizzie60]

You said that is was purely physical.. so what can you both do that can go so wrong.. unless you change your mind and wants to leave your husband.. but you know that he won't leave his wife..

 

It's hard to tell you what to do.. you are waayyy too much involved in lust now to stop.. I don't think you can..

 

You know it's wrong.. but yet you can't resist him.. you know what you have to do.. but I don't think you will do it..

 

Oh well.. enjoy!

 

I am in the same situation.. I have broken with this young MM.. about a month and a half or maybe even 2 months ago.. I thought this time he understood and that he would leave me alone..

 

But I had a message on my phone when I got back from work.. he said he needs to see me.. that he can't stop thinking about me. he misses me..

well I miss him too.. and I decided that I will see him again... too bad.. I can't resist... it is purely physical.. but I just can't resist him... he is hot.. and much much younger.. I love his adoring eyes on me.. ouufff...

 

I know he will be at my door tomorrow morning.. that's what he usually do he just shows up early on saturday mornings..

 

No advice for you.. sorry... I'm in the same boat.. but I'm single though.. so it's easier for me..

[blueberry]

I found this site because I was desperately seeking answers and hopefully someone here will get me back on track. You see, I am the "other women" and I think I'm losing my mind.

 

Here's the story, about 2 months ago I became involved with a MUCH younger co-worker. We are both married, and have no plans on leaving our spouses. Our relationship is purely physical. This guy makes me feel like the sexiest, most desirable woman in the world. He has stirred feelings that I thought had died a long time ago. We have not had intercourse but have had some pretty hot sessions. Given the opportunity I am sure we would go to bed but it would take planning on our part so it would be a very deliberate act.

 

There have been many conversations about stopping all of this because we both know what we are doing is wrong and neither one of our spouses deserves this. But it's like we are magnets. My husband is a great guy who loves me dearly but he just doesn't "rock my world" like this guy does. Same goes for him, wife is a great gal but sex is maybe once a month and it's like a chore, or so he says.

 

Anyway, I am obsessed over this guy. He is all I think about, but I know my thinking is not at all clear. I am behaving like a teenage even though I am in my late 40's. How do I clear my head and stop this before I do something I know is so wrong? I feel like I am ready to throw caution to the wind and just go for it.

 

My biggest guilt is the fact that I am Catholic and this is a VERY big deal for me. I have broken one of the Commandments and even though I know this is a sin, I continue to mess around with this guy.

 

I work with this guy so I am see him everyday. Changing jobs is not an option because I have over 25 years invested but how do I see him everyday and not want to rip his clothes off? Believe me when I say he is hot and hard to resist. His kisses are like none other and when he looks at me it's like I am the only woman in the world. My thought process is so askew it's not even funny. I have no good reason for doing this other then the fact he makes me feel so damn good.

 

If anyone reading this can help put this in proper perspective I would really appreciate it. I need to get out of this before it proves to be disatrous for both of us. Thanks for any light you can shed.

 

 

I would say "sleep with him, get it out of your system, feel like crap for a while - but hey, life is not a dress rehearsal and we are all going to be dead soon enough - not enough time for regret. Regret what you haven't done as opposed to what you have done".

 

But thats just MHO - with a bottle of red under my belt.

[GPFan]

If anyone reading this can help put this in proper perspective I would really appreciate it. I need to get out of this before it proves to be disatrous for both of us. Thanks for any light you can shed.

I believe you have said it for yourself here.

I need to get out of this before it proves to be disatrous for both of us.

 

 

You're about your ruin your life, your marriage, your career, your reputation.

And whichwayisup has provided confirmation.

[lkjh]

this is going to kill your H, just divorce him and don't say I'm Catholic I don't believe in divorce. Some people only think about themselves.

[Tess2005]

I appreciate you're reply but I have no intention of divorcing my husband. The relationship I have with the MM is purely about sex, or rather lust. I can't honestly say that's a good reason to divorce your spouse. Right now I am just very confused because I am acting like a lunatic. I bet I've checked my laptop 20 times today looking for a message from MM, but so far nothing. Maybe he has decided to end this, since we both know it's going no where, but I will surely miss him if that's what happens.

[whichwayisup]

OK, since you're not going to divorce, then tell your husband the truth so he can go find another woman on the side for himself. Have an open marriage! Why should you be allowed to do whatever you want, have your cake and eat it too?

[Reggie]

Whichway is right. Ever consider that you may not exactly "rock" your husband's world, as well? Maybe he would like a younger, fresher model, too.

That's what many WS's don't seem to get. That their spouse is forgoing the same type of pleasures in reliance on the contract. It makes a BS very resentful and angry. It sends a clear message that you put a much higher value on your life and your desires than you do his. He should have access to the same freedom, don't you think?

[whichwayisup]

My guess is she won't allow it because she'll feel hurt and jealous if her husband was with a hot woman whom he had great mind blowing sex with. She would be concerned that he could fall inlove and maybe want to divorce her. Right now she holds ALL the cards and gets what she wants anytime, anywhere.

 

Must be nice to have two men, stay married, have all the perks that having a husband brings. You don't have to give up the house, lose friends, lose respect from friends, family, neighbours.. ALL so you can continue having your cake and eating it too.

[John Who]

Why don't you just tell your H,hey hunny you don't "rock my world" so I wanna f**k another man.

 

If you are obssessed with MM right now,imagine how you are going to be if you bang him.

 

Sleeping with him is only going to make things worse,but hey this is your life do what you want,just be honest with your H,I'm sure he can trade you in for a young piece of a88 too.

 

Hey why not just become swingers?

 

Or you can try getting the passion back in your M,sorry to say rudesh comments but sometimes people need a reality check.

[whichwayisup]

You have to decide. Your husband or the OM. You cannot have both, that's the bottomline.

 

You came here for help, but you have to WANT the help, want to change, want to figure it out. I'm not really sure if you're ready or in that frame of mind quite yet. Sadly (for your husband) you may have to hit rock bottom, which means D-Day (discovery day) of your affair before things change. The way you're thinking now, sorry, but I can't see you ending it with the other guy and trying to fix your marriage.

[bentnotbroken]

We have not had intercourse but have had some pretty hot sessions. Given the opportunity I am sure we would go to bed but it would take planning on our part so it would be a very deliberate act.

 

There have been many conversations about stopping all of this because we both know what we are doing is wrong and neither one of our spouses deserves this.

Well, nice of you to realize that the two of you are pretty dog gone selfish. Wow, I know your spouses will be pleased to know they don't deserve it, when they find out.

 

 

I am behaving like a teenage even though I am in my late 40's. How do I clear my head and stop this before I do something I know is so wrong? I feel like I am ready to throw caution to the wind and just go for it.

 

My biggest guilt is the fact that I am Catholic and this is a VERY big deal for me. I have broken one of the Commandments and even though I know this is a sin, I continue to mess around with this guy.

You clear your head by pulling it out of... where ever it is buried. It is too late you have already done something wrong and you know it. Why else would you be feeling guilt? You have broken more than one of the commandments. Remember the one on adultery and the one on coveting your neighbors anything(the wife's husband). And let's not forget the one about bearing false witness, (you know lying to your husband by omission or did I miss where you told him about what you were doing?)Oh, I forgot, what about the one about murder. You know murdering his wife's trust and peace. You did say she didn't deserve any of this. I think that's more than one commandment

 

If anyone reading this can help put this in proper perspective I would really appreciate it. I need to get out of this before it proves to be disatrous for both of us. Thanks for any light you can shed.

It's already disastrous for you both. Are you a Catholic in name only or do you practice the faith? I hope I was able to shed some light.

[norajane]

I am the "other women"

 

It's telling that you identify as HIS other woman, when you could just as easily have said it as "I'm seeing an "other man". I don't know what that means, but it I think it means something.

 

I think I'm losing my mind.

 

Our relationship is purely physical.

 

I am obsessed over this guy.

 

He is all I think about

 

I feel like I am ready to throw caution to the wind and just go for it.

 

he is hot and hard to resist.

 

he makes me feel so damn good.

Woo, you sure are riding the passion train! You've already recognized that you're out of control, and are risking everything - everything - for some passion. Good for you for stopping to catch your breath and think, and to ask for some advice.

 

If you want to drastically change your life and hurt the man you married and love, have the affair. It will feel brilliant at first, and then it will eventually become the biggest problem in your life.

 

If you want to drastically change your life without having to deceive the man you married and love, tell your husband you want to drastically change your lives together. Shake things up in an honest way, with your husband, not behind his back.

 

If you don't want to drastically change your life, but just want a little passion from someone else...well, it doesn't work that way. The affair will change your life, and you, one way or another. So don't go there if you don't want drastic change.

[Reggie]

A couple of thoughts. First, you have already had the affair.

Second, how much younger is this guy? From a practical standpoint , if he is quite a bit younger, you can't compete physically with the younger women. But, maybe that is not important if this is just to have sex for a while.

Let your H know so he can decide what he wants to do.

[courting17]

I think you are going to go with this regardless of the risks. You are in over your head. You are obsessed with this guy. Be careful, this could lead to alot of pain for you.

[norajane]

I think you are going to go with this regardless of the risks. You are in over your head. You are obsessed with this guy. Be careful, this could lead to alot of pain for you.

 

There's no 'could' about it. This WILL cause a lot of pain for you - it already is and you haven't even gone all the way yet.

[Tess2005]

Just wanted to say thanks to all of you who have taken the time to post your thoughts, comments, etc., regarding my situation.

 

To NoraJane - your posts were the ones that really gave me the push to do what I needed to do. Thank You!

 

I told my MM last night that I could not continue on with this little game any longer. Although I am sure I will go through some type of withdrawal, I know it's what I desperately need to do. Just hope I can stick to it, which is where you all come in. Feel free to keep telling me this is the best and ONLY way to handle this. No good can come of it and I know that. I was being very selfish and self-centered, my husband nor his wife deserve this. So for my sanity and everyone else's too, I am cutting the ties. The MM actually seemed a little relieved. It will be hard seeing him everyday but I know I can make it, just have to be strong and remember that I am doing the right thing.

 

So thanks again to all who at times were painfully honest, but I needed that! Wish me luck.

[DealingWDrama]

Dear one...you are having an affair whether you have had sex with the man or not...with both of you being married this is a quadruble woopsie. I say end it...end it now before you feel complete and total regret. If sex with you H is aweful - go to a sex store together...get sexual therapy together...there are ways to spice up your sex life with your H that will make both of you happy sexually. Buy some lingerie and suprise your H ... ya never know what his reaction will be...make your H your lover again before he finds himself in a relationship with an OW.

[norajane]

Just wanted to say thanks to all of you who have taken the time to post your thoughts, comments, etc., regarding my situation.

 

To NoraJane - your posts were the ones that really gave me the push to do what I needed to do. Thank You!

 

I told my MM last night that I could not continue on with this little game any longer. Although I am sure I will go through some type of withdrawal, I know it's what I desperately need to do. Just hope I can stick to it, which is where you all come in. Feel free to keep telling me this is the best and ONLY way to handle this. No good can come of it and I know that. I was being very selfish and self-centered, my husband nor his wife deserve this. So for my sanity and everyone else's too, I am cutting the ties. The MM actually seemed a little relieved. It will be hard seeing him everyday but I know I can make it, just have to be strong and remember that I am doing the right thing.

 

So thanks again to all who at times were painfully honest, but I needed that! Wish me luck.

 

You're welcome!

 

So that's step 1, and good for you for taking it already.

 

Step 2 is to begin improving things with your husband. THAT will help you hold firm on your resolve to stay faithful. Talk to your husband and tell him what you want for the both of you and your lives together, and ask him to commit to adding some more romance and passion into your lives.

 

It might help you to do some research on how others have revived their marriages. Two books that might help - Light her Fire and Light His Fire. They're small, short paperbacks and may give you some common sense things to practice today, tomorrow, and every day that will keep you two close and remind you of why you are together.

 

I'm sure there are a lot of other good books out there that can help - maybe start a new thread asking people what has helped them to revive the passion.

[Reggie]

Is your H open to letting you back in? How's his ego doing? Must be tough on him.

[White Flower]

A couple of thoughts. First, you have already had the affair.

Second, how much younger is this guy? From a practical standpoint , if he is quite a bit younger, you can't compete physically with the younger women. But, maybe that is not important if this is just to have sex for a while.

Let your H know so he can decide what he wants to do.

Just for the sake of argument, men don't always want the younger women. Some figure out that the older ones make better lovers.

 

Just sayin'...

[Lyssa]

Just for the sake of argument, men don't always want the younger women. Some figure out that the older ones make better lovers.

 

Just sayin'...

 

Oh so true!

 

WF - I missed you!!

[Reggie]

Yes, that can be true. But, long term, many guys want to have kids. That's why I wondered if she wanted a future with him.

[RecordProducer]

Tess, I am glad you decided NOT to go for the affair, because of three reasons:

 

1. It seems like guilt would have eaten you up had you pursued it, which would have ruined all the pleasure and your marriage.

2. The sex would likely turn into love; it's scientifically proven that when women make love, their bodies release hormones that make them feel very close and connected to the man.

3. All loves end up sour, so it's better to stop them before they grow.

 

On the other hand:

 

1. The aforementioned hormones are beneficial for a woman's physical and psychological wellbeing.

2. You only live once...