my situation

[islandboy786]

hey guys im in a ldr and my hunny lives in cali and im in fl. things were always good until recently. weve been together for about 4 months but have known eachother for about 7+ years, we lost contact for about 3 years. anyways she is all into her job and its a ****ty job at that not making any type of real $. its like all there is work for her when she is off of work. i feel as if she has distanced herself from me in a big way. i dont get phone calls or texts from her anymore during the day we really only talk at night. so the other night she asked me if i would move if she got a new a great job opportunity and i was like no because of certain reasons. now since i said that its seems as if there isnt anymore of an "us'. now she is doubting us and i am too. what should i do. sorry if this isnt put together well im typing it very fast and will prolly re type it later or put more details into it. HELP ME OUT GUYS !!!!!!!! I NEED YOUR ADVICE

[TigerCub]

I've never done the long distance thing, so obviously I'm no expert, but here's what I figure - for what its worth:

 

You guys have only been dating for 4 months and it has been a ldr. I'm guessing that may be a difficult thing for a new relationship (even if you have known each other for a longer period of time). I suspect that she may be feeling that way - hence her question about you moving to Cali. Your answer was no, and then things just started to fade a little. I'm guessing that the strain of the ldr is already weighing on her and that's why she was wondering about the possibility of bridging the gap.

 

Maybe its time for you guys to have a talk about your relationship and really being honest about how you see the long distance thing working out.

 

Good luck

[islandboy786]

Its over guys **** long distance relationships. **** bitches get $$$$$$$$$$$$

[Lucky_One]

???

 

I'm confused?

[islandboy786]

so basically we were talking tonight and i was like the status of our relationship is on u. she sat there for a while quiet thinking and said its done. right when i heard that i hung up the phone. i log into myspace and her picture of me and her kissing is down and its now just a picture of her. so i started thinking so just like that throw away everything we have ? she was the one who said she loves me, shes the one who said she wants my kids, she said she wants to be my wife, shes the one who said she wants to spend the rest of my life with me. then all of a sudden in 2 days everything changes ? what the **** ? where was the person i came to like and was falling in love with ? so about 20 mins later we are back on the phone talking again im hurting and in alot of pain. i sit there and put everything out there about how i feel and what i want from her and this relationship. mind you im getting emotional because ive been drinking and smokin da herbz all day ! she is there all quiet and then im like so what about u ? what do u feel and what do u want ? im willing to compromise because there is nothing else that i want but to be with her. pretty much when i was telling her how i felt and what i wanted i started gettin teary eyed maybe cry little but its cuz im so hurt and betrayed. and when i asked her what we wanted/needed to make this better she started crying. so in my mind im thinking we're both gettin emotional maybe we just had a bad fight and things will be better. so i ask her again and she says ur everything i want but its just the wrong timing. WDF !?!?!?!?! wrong timing ? wdf is wrong timing ? so we just got off the phone not too long ago and im just here hurting dont know what do. i cant sleep. i need advice what do i do ? should i try and see what happens in a couple days ? just let it go ? what ? I WANT HER AND SHE MAKES ME HAPPY ! ALL I WANT IT IS HER AND SHE KNOWS IT BUT WE ARE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT HER BACK. ITS FUNNY BECAUSE I DID NOTHING WRONG I WAS ALWAYS SUPPORTIVE OF HER, GAVE HER ALL OF MY TIME, GOOD TO HER. WHAT THE **** ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!???!

[Geishawhelk]

No matter how long you've known each other, some people just aren't cut out for a LDR....

 

I suspect - though I may be waaaaaaay off bat here, really - that there is a possibility she's hanging out with people and may have met soemone who's sparked her interest.

She asked you about moving for one of two reasons:

She really hoped you'd say yes, because she doesn't want to risk meeting someone else, getting serious and jeopardizing your relationship, so she's kinda hoping you'll join her to prevent that -

 

or -

 

she's just making sure you WON'T join her, so the coast will be clear for her to embark on another relationship instead.

 

Ladies need romance, attention, cuddles and they want to feel wanted.

 

If your relationship means she's not getting any of the above, it's not enough for her.

 

I hate to say it, but it sounds as if she may be moving on......

[ed-205]

My son was in a LDR for 9 years (engaged for 7). His fiancée was supposed to come out for another visit last March, but kept putting it off. After her last visit in January, I noticed she'd packed up a few things that she normally left with him, and I realized at that moment she had *no intentions* of returning, even though she never let on about it. Finally, around June, she finally admitted she'd been seeing someone else, but insisted that she still wanted to get back together in a few months. Since then, she has been running him through an emotional meat-grinder leaving him feeling and thinking *exactly* the same way that you are right now.

 

The biggest shame is that she put my son through a solid 6 months of torment before her Mother finally called him to tell him it's "over". She was so chicken $#!7 she couldn't even tell him herself!

 

I think (I HOPE) that today was the last very time he will ever be in contact with her.

Your girl cut it off quick and certain. Trust me, you're LUCKY she did. Follow her example, and remove everything from your life that reminds you of her so you can begin to heal yourself.

[strongertoday]

Everyone wants to feel that the person they love would move heaven and earth for them.... With some relationships there are very good reasons why one person cant shift.... I would say if she is asking that she is asking because she might have been offered or seen a good job and is hesitant.

 

Why couldnt you move? is it really that certain you cant?? I cant move to my giy because I have children and I told him that from the start.

 

I suspect your girl is having some doubts....you best re-assure her

 

HUGS

[Federica]

I have had to merge these threads as both had received responses, but the OP had only contributed further to one. As a note to all: Please do NOT create multiple threads. If you want a thread moved, altered or deleted, contact Admin.

 

Thank you.

[islandboy786]

im sorry mods for all the same threads over the place i just need advice as this is really bothering me right now and im all ****ed up. the reason i wouldnt move is because i am the only child, and my parents are divorced my mom isnt seeing anyone, so im not going to leave my mother alone @ this moment. but the moving thing she brought up was hypothetical and supposed to be years from now as she would have to go back to school so that she could get her dream job. so the whole reason we're broken up is cuz a hypothetical question. then she asks me are we still going to have a friendship ? i was like hell naw for wat ? put myself thru more bull**** ? knowing i want to be with you more than anything and you broke up with me over sum bull**** ? shes then says i want to keep our friendship that we had all these years and i said im not going to talk to you at all. i told her im not waiting for her i said lets stay together and go thru all these hard and easy times together so we could have a stronger relationship. but i guess thats not what she wanted. she also asked me what im going to do with her stuff that she left over here i told her man im going to throw all your **** away what is the point of me keeping it ? she was like just send me my stuff. get out of here im going to go out of my way to send her some things across country ? especially when i was the one who was done wrong. **** DAT **** ! **** DAT GURL. we didnt have anything from the start i just feel played and hurt. i was always good to her and this is what i get in return ? wow thanks really worth it !

[islandboy786]

so when we finally got off the phone she was like im going to get something to eat and she'll call me back. its the next day where is the call ? what should i do ? call her ? i need closure. i need her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lucky_One]

Calling or talking to her when you are like this isn't going to help anything; it will just cement her belief that you are irrational and erratic. Please stop smoking pot and drinking all day, too; that makes you look immature and like a poor choice for a father and husband, and it takes away your ability to be rational and calm.

 

You can't make someone love you and want to be with you. Either she does, or she doesn't. You are long-distance, and you have only been together for 4 months. How often do you see each other? LDRs, IMHO, rarely survive unless there is a totally serious effort on both sides to see each other as often as possible.

 

When you get down to it, most relationships don't survive past dating a year anyway; being LD just makes it that much harder.

 

But honestly, dude, you need to calm down, or she isn't going to talk to you even if you call.

[islandboy786]

today she called me but i didnt answer should i call her back ? what should i do ? i saw on her facebook that she is listed as single now but on myspace it still says in a relationship. im so confused should i just let her have a day or two to think about everything ? i just want her and i feel she wants me too, because if she didnt want to be with me why would she start crying when we were talking last night ? also today i will just stay sober yesterday was such a hard day and nothing changed just more bad and bad. we seen eachother 1 time but i was going to surprise her in oct by just flying out there and calling her like im in the airport come pick me up.WHAT DO I DO ?

[islandboy786]

well guys my hunny wants a break to figure everything out. the details are here

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t165404/

 

 

she says she want a break of one month to figure everything out but she says that she does want to be with me. i need your help guys i havent slept since we broke up 2 nights ago. i cant sleep i cant eat.....im just in so much pain. i need to know what to do and how to handle this situation. feel free to post here and in my other thread above.ADVICE VERY MUCH NEEDED !!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks every1 I JUST WANT MY M.Y.B. thats her initials. i just need her

[Steelrain21]

Just remember that you can NEVER make or convince someone to be with you.....it just doesn't work that way. If she needs a break then there is nothing you can do to change her mind, she will have to see it on her own. The only thing you can do is sadly probably the hardest thing to do. You must not pressure her. She is confused right now and if she feels pressured it's going to turn out badly for you. Maybe take a break from talking for a little while so you both can get a little perspective on what you want.

[islandboy786]

there is nothing else i want but her i dont care about anything else i just wanna be with her thats all she is the one that makes me happy and brings joy to my life. i know what i want but i dont know what she wants

[Intergalactic]

don't put any pressure on her. also, you need to start preparing for the worst - lots of breaks, unfortunately, lead to break ups. if you prepare for the worst, it won't come as a nasty surprise and if she decides to work on the relationship, that will be a really nice surprise.

[islandboy786]

bump i need some answers

[Geishawhelk]

You've had answers.

It's over.

Move on.

Really, you need to get a grip, get a life and be yourself, for yourself.

 

This one is too far gone to salvage.

 

Oh, and the reason she cried?

 

Because you were crying and she'd realised how uposet you were.

No indication of wanting to get back with you,.

If she did, she'd be as hot on the 'phone as you are, or as you want to be.

 

Turn the page, start a new chapter.

 

IT'S OVER.

[Krajt]

As hard as it is, you just have to move on. She has, I wouldn't shed a tear over a woman like this, she just isn't worth your time. You could do with a boys night out with your friends. Go to Vegas and go a strip club, (but that's for another thread).

 

While you are crying here; she is out living life, so you should do the same. Occupy yourself with the things that you enjoy and seldom give heed to her, in fact don't heed to her at all.

 

Though this serves as a stark reminder to me, how bad LDR's are....I hate them, but I really like my Girlfriend. Best wishes, Krajt!

[LucreziaBorgia]

"taking a break" = "breaking up with a backup plan"

 

It is likely she feels pressured because you are holding her responsible for your happiness. No one likes that. No one. You may want to cut off contact for now, and work on that part of your personality before you try to give it another shot. If you can show her that you 'choose' to be with her, rather than 'need' to be with her then perhaps that might be a better foundation to build on.

 

You have to get to a point where you can be happy whether you are with her or not. If you can't get to that point, then it is probably not a good idea to be with her right now. It will drain you both.

[islandboy786]

well she doesnt want to do the break anymore shes going to make it work no matter what she said and im going to go see her in oct so we could sort everything out face to face. im so happy we are back together i finally went to sleep after 2 days and now today i could finally eat because i havent ate or slept in 2 days

[islandboy786]

well we talked last night and she said that we are back together and that shes willing to make this work regardless of whats happening. so we are back together and im happy because everything seemed how it used to be before this argument. im going to see my girl in october so we could sort everything out face to face. which i think would be better because i get to actually see her, hold her, kiss her, tell her that her breath stinks lol. im just so happy now that everything is back the way its supposed to be. i cant wait to see her. i havent went to sleep or eat since i found out that she wanted to end it. which was 2 days ago. i finally went to sleep last night after we made up and got back together. and today im going to stuff my face with food. I CANT WAIT TO SEE MY BABYGIRL !!!!

[wareagle]

I agree with Lucrezia. Asking for a break means it's over!! Why do you need a break from someone you love? Doesn't make sense!!

[loki]

it's nice that you love her so much, but it'd be best if you can realize you don't 'need' her. you guys haven't been dating that long, so you're still steeped by love chemicals. just remember, you lived perfectly fine and happily before she ever came along, so you can do it again! good luck.