evie613 Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Hey LS, this is my second post ever on the Love Shack. I'm a little confused about my situation but I will make it brief. I have been dating my boyfriend for about two years. It's been going well in my opinion aside from the occassional conflict. Over the last two months or so the conflicts are becoming more frequent although in my opinion they are communication issues. I am currently separated and he has never been married. The most recent conflict, about a month ago, started when we were discussing him coming to my house and he declined saying he didn't want any run ins with my estranged. I got angry and basically told him if he didn't accept the fact that my EH would be in my life in some form indefinitely (we have kids) then we have no future together. He responded to the likes of "oh what are you a package deal?" and then ended the conversation. Since then we have not been communicating much at all. We traded a few emails back and forth a few days later with him basically saying that he felt we should both move on because he didn't think we were compatible and he didn't want to be fearful of when the next conflict would be. About a week later I texted him that I missed him and he responded that he missed me too and maybe I could try to visit him. No communication at all for about two weeks and I texted him on his birthday last week...no response...I again texted him on Sunday to see if he were still alive. He responded he was and asked how I was doing. We texted back and forth with small pleasantries and then a few hours later he sends me an email that he was going to his house in VT for a few days and briefed me on a few things that were going on in his life. This was Sunday and since I haven't heard a word. My confusion is I am getting mixed signals here. Initially he said we should move on but now he is intermittently contacting me with content similar to when we were together. Anyone know what his deal is? Is it over or not? Thanks for any and all input..
Karma101 Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Well, he said that you should both move on recently... Has he "said" anything to the contrary since? I believe that actions speak much louder than words. Is he actually doing anything to make you believe that he wants to remain in this relationship or work on it?
Author evie613 Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 Well, we are currently in a temporary LD relationship. He's been deployed for a year and is supposed to come back in Dec. So....our main point of contact is phone, email, text. Since the "argument" we have not spoken and just the communication that I mentioned in my previous post....a few texts and an email....which were initiated a few days after I sent him an email to say Happy Birthday. I would assume if he really wanted to move on he would be pretty specific and not text a few weeks later that he missed me. I guess I need it spelled out like...it's over girl get over it, goodbye...which I haven't gotten. I'm just really confused. I'm wondering if I should just leave him alone for a while, which is driving me crazy, or just ask him right out if it is really over. If it is than at least I can start to heal instead of wasting time hoping. Thanks for your feedback by the way.
westrock Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 The most recent conflict, about a month ago, started when we were discussing him coming to my house and he declined saying he didn't want any run ins with my estranged. I got angry and basically told him if he didn't accept the fact that my EH would be in my life in some form indefinitely (we have kids) then we have no future together. He responded to the likes of "oh what are you a package deal?" and then ended the conversation. "didn't want any run ins with my estranged" does not mean "he didn't accept the fact that my EH would be in my life". Sounds like he just wanted to stay clear of getting involved in any conflict involving your EH. What's wrong with that?
Treasa Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Since then we have not been communicating much at all. We traded a few emails back and forth a few days later with him basically saying that he felt we should both move on because he didn't think we were compatible and he didn't want to be fearful of when the next conflict would be. About a week later I texted him that I missed him and he responded that he missed me too and maybe I could try to visit him. No communication at all for about two weeks and I texted him on his birthday last week...no response...I again texted him on Sunday to see if he were still alive. He responded he was and asked how I was doing. We texted back and forth with small pleasantries and then a few hours later he sends me an email that he was going to his house in VT for a few days and briefed me on a few things that were going on in his life. This was Sunday and since I haven't heard a word. When he responded that he missed you too and perhaps you could try to visit him, did you reply? Your post doesn't make that clear. When he said he was going to his house in VT, did you reply to that? Again, it isn't clear to me. Regarding the thing about your estranged husband, I don't blame your boyfriend. You sort of made it sound as though you were WERE a package deal. While you may have to have some limited interaction because of your kids, I don't think you should make it sound as though your ex is going to be a problem or an interference.
superd Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 What it sounds like to me is that he is scared s**tless of kids.
Patience08 Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Evie, You say you've been seeing him for 2 years and he's never been married. He's been deployed for a year and he's coming back in Dec. You however are seperated from your husband with children. Red Flags= Are you in the process of a divorce? Does he have any of his own children? How old is your bachelor friend? He's been away at war. Many years ago I dated a man when I was seperated from my xh. I had 2 children and a major piece of property. We dated on and off for 4 years. He had never been married, and didn't have children. My time with him was for me to get away from my everyday life. We dated and I never tried to make him my transition man. He took my stress away and became my best friend and love. Relax and get your ducks in order in the marriage. Are you staying married are you divorcing? Enjoy your time with your bf, and don't put any pressure on him. Especially if he's been away at war. If it was meant to be it will be. Peace.
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