blueberry Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 ... you may want to get yourself tested for STD's. (apologies if its already been mentioned - I skimmed when i got home)
blueberry Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Let her continue - she's digging her own grave. quote] I couldn't agree with you more. It's sad really. If there is a kid, according to the law in the state we live - she could be setting herself up for having the child taken away from her all together. I am willing to be a step mom (now anyway...who knows what will happen when) but I am not willing to step into the shows of being 'mommy' to a child I didn't have any part in making or choosing. I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old - my diaper changing days and up and down crazy nights of being at someone else's beck and call are OVER! I told my H that. I'm willing to do the every other weekend gig and he can take vacation time when he has the kid during the summer - but I refuse to be the sole caretaker of this child as I was with our two children. For the record: I think you are amazing. Keep on keeping on.
NoIDidn't Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Hey DWD, Is your OW my cousin?! Sounds sooooo familiar. But she isn't known for messing with married men. She was already crazy, no worries about that. You sound like I did when I found out about my H: calm and collected AND realistic. Don't be surprised though when you don't feel that way. It comes and goes in waves that lessen as you deal with the issue that got you that way. I doubt she's pregnant too. If she was, she'd be shouting it and showing it from the rooftops to all that would encounter her. Sorry you got a crazy lady to deal with now. Def. consider that RO.
blueberry Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 I doubt she's pregnant too. If she was, she'd be shouting it and showing it from the rooftops to all that would encounter her. Oh really? Isn't she already doing that? Regardless - You cannot possibly say that for sure. So don't. The OW is obviously painfully hurt, upset and confused. DWD is mature and graceful enough to recognise that.
NoIDidn't Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Oh really? Isn't she already doing that? Regardless - You cannot possibly say that for sure. So don't. The OW is obviously painfully hurt, upset and confused. DWD is mature and graceful enough to recognise that. Blue I can and will say whatever my opinion is, just as you are free to give yours. I don't agree with you. If you read both posts started by DWD, you would see where this OW is cutting friends out of her life. Its like she is starting some kind of cover up. Plus, I have some experience with this. A friend found out that her H was cheating on her with another mutual friend of ours because the woman told my friend's coworkers and she was humiliated. If the OW was indeed pregnant, she would stop at nothing if she is already being a bugaboo to them. An aside, but are you trying to imply that I am somehow NOT mature by stating that DWD is? What is the purpose of trying to insult a poster just because they disagree with you?
blueberry Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Blue I can and will say whatever my opinion is, just as you are free to give yours. If the OW was indeed pregnant, she would stop at nothing if she is already being a bugaboo to them. An aside, but are you trying to imply that I am somehow NOT mature by stating that DWD is? What is the purpose of trying to insult a poster just because they disagree with you? I beg your pardon - apologies. That did come across as being somewhat harsh. All I am saying is that speculation can amount to nothing - regardless of experience. I am not implying that you are not mature. On the contrary. I am just saying that you came across as knowing eveything *for sure*. When the truth is - you don't. Apologies for offending you.
White Flower Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 I for one cannot see the reasoning of this OW. Does she think by her actions she will somehow win him back? She has completely turned him off with her bunny boiler ways. You are definitely the only level-headed one here. There is help for your H since he has chosen you. Hopefully he has learned his lesson. Good luck.
NewSunrise Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 I'm so sorry you have this drama. Sounds like the OW is an immature nutcase. Get another STD 6 mos after the first. Varies from women to women. Sometimes STDs don't show up immediately and can stay dormant which is why the results often come negative. Stress sometimes bring out the STD from dormancy. Sounds like you've got your ducks in a row legally and mentally. I think you'll survive this one a lot better than your H. Your H should be very, very afraid..especially now.
Eve Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 if I discover dishonesty from him in any way shape or form I will not stay in this marriage. I would rather show my children how to stand up for themselves and do what is right for themselves than allow myself to be used and stuck in any situation. My children are learning daily from how I act, rather than from what I say - I want my daughter to be strong lady and my son to be a gentleman and one day devoted father. I would go with the no contact idea until you know the full measure of facts. Also as a note for the future.. it may be that (if your Husband has created another life outside of your marraige) that this child may need a lot of direction etc. What I am trying to say is that sometimes our birth parent does not end up being our 'true' parent. Due to your level headedness, you may eventually be the female who this child looks up too. I know that you have a lot of other things to deal with right now but please be aware that maybe the other woman is not going to be a capable parent. I say this because of an experience I have had, which is not very simular to your own but still, I have become the primary female parent over the natural mother. Its funny but the children really are 'mine' and having this connection has literally saved the children from a lot of heartache because the natural Mother is an arse. I am so sorry about all of this drama and deep down I hope that there is not a pregnancy. I think that the OW will try and entangle both you and your Husband within her mindset and your Husband simply has to deal with this situation at your side or not at all. If not, life goes on and you will find love again... kick him to the lions alright. If you can work this out together.. that would be absolutely marvelous. I love it when a woman knows her own strength or at very least tries to make sound decisions! You are a Superstar in this regard. All the very best Hun. I am sure that you will make good, strong decisions which will be a template for how your children handle themselves within their future relationships. Please make sure that you have good support for yourself through all of this. I wish you well xx
GPFan Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 The only way to avoid interim drama in your case is to establish no contact with this woman until it is proven there is a child and that child is your Husband's. Given a bit of luck there isn't a child, or if there is, it isn't his because a woman with child scorned never will never give up on making someone, anyone pay for her unfortunate decision. No doubt the child will pay too in his/her own way. Very tragic all the way around. If the child is his, brace yourself if you intend to hang in there with him. You will have a very bumpy ride unless or until she finds another man willing to accept her and the child. I wish you well.
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