Blindsidedagainalive Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 It has been 11 months since D-day. She got in a 6 month affair with a manager she works with (but doesn't report to). It's a long story if you want to see my other threads. My better-half quit her job the day after D-day. The other man called me the day after discovery and said 'it's time for me to move on'. This absolutely astonished me, who would do that. Anyway, since d-day, my life has been hell and so has hers. He however has had no consequences. I have since learned that he was involved with another married woman who quit because her husband learned of the affair. Should I inform his human resources dept of this affair and the he called me to 'move on'?
Lucky_One Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 It may be something that HR already knows - sounds like he is a serial cheater. Companies will not like that, as it sets them up for very expensive and messy sexual harassment or preferential treatment suits. So if you think that they may not know about it, you might want to bring it to their attention. But if it is to "punish" the MM, I wouldn't bother.
Maladjusted Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 It has been 11 months since D-day. She got in a 6 month affair with a manager she works with (but doesn't report to). It's a long story if you want to see my other threads. My better-half quit her job the day after D-day. The other man called me the day after discovery and said 'it's time for me to move on'. This absolutely astonished me, who would do that. Anyway, since d-day, my life has been hell and so has hers. He however has had no consequences. I have since learned that he was involved with another married woman who quit because her husband learned of the affair. Should I inform his human resources dept of this affair and the he called me to 'move on'? Absolutely! When I found out about the manager my wife had been having an affair with was still calling her, I answered the phone and told him not to call again. I had to send some of her work materials back to her work, and I put a nice little letter in with the materials. I didn't explicitly tell this guy's manager about his affair with my wife, but I did say this: [FONT=Arial]Just so you are aware, I spoke to Mr. Adulterer last Wednesday morning (9/17) when he called my wife before 7:30 in the morning and informed him that his daily phone calls to my wife this previous month were inappropriate and asked that he stop immediately. I trust that upon receipt of these items that there should be no further need for Mr. Adulterer to be contacting my wife as her employment ended with The Adulterous Companies effective August 30th[/FONT]
Bryanp Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 I am sorry but this post makes me very angry. This OM humiliates you, destroys your relationship with your wife and has the nerve to call you and tell you to get over the fact he was screwing your wife behind your back. You don't even contact human resources? He then continues to screw another man's wife and destroy their relationship. You ask if you dshould contact Human Resources? What more destruction can this man do before you take action? My friend this OM is probably laughing at you knowing how much he humiliated you and your response was to do nothing. What is wrong with this picture? To paraphase Edmund Burke again: What is needed for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing. What does it take for you to stand up for yourself and show him that there are consequences to screwing another man's wife. You inaction sent him a very clear message that there are no consequences to his actions whatsoever. The result is that he did it again. What in the hell are you waiting for. Your lack of action toward him has proved that he was correct that you were simply too timid to stand up for yourself and show him there are consequences to such horrible actions. You are in fact an enabler that allows this scum to continue in his horrid actions. Stop being afraid and stand up for yourself and inform Human Resources today!
In Like Flynn Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Absoulutely!!! Nuke his A@#!!! Why should he just be able to zip up his fly while your wife and you take the brunt of it. "Just move on"!!! Do what ever you can to spread the joy you are feeling to him. This was just one big booty call!!! Go Medevil on him!!!
troubadour Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Why did you not do that 11 months ago?
JamesM Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Revenge will not take away the pain in your marriage.
In Like Flynn Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Revenge will not take away the pain in your marriage. No....but the next best thing to stopping the pain is returning the favor to the person that caused yours.
Sup Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 It has been 11 months since D-day. She got in a 6 month affair with a manager she works with (but doesn't report to). It's a long story if you want to see my other threads. My better-half quit her job the day after D-day. The other man called me the day after discovery and said 'it's time for me to move on'. This absolutely astonished me, who would do that. Anyway, since d-day, my life has been hell and so has hers. He however has had no consequences. I have since learned that he was involved with another married woman who quit because her husband learned of the affair. Should I inform his human resources dept of this affair and the he called me to 'move on'? In one word, YES! I think that the horney manager should be fired myself! How many more marriages have to be destroyed because of that loser?!
Sks Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 lol, I can't believe people are putting the blame on people who don't carry it. Your wife let another man put his dick in her, it was by her choice and her want. Your wife holds full responsibility for cheating on you, the other guy really owes you nothing.
JamesM Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Your wife holds full responsibility for cheating on you, the other guy really owes you nothing. My thoughts exactly. And I know that in the same position, I would be tempted to try and ruin the OM's life as a way of directing my anger at someone other than my wife, but this is true. Your wife is the one who cheated on you. Stay at home and fix your marriage. Without your wife's permission, there would have been no OM.
pelicanpreacher Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 A bullet has been shot right through the heart of your marriage. Yes, your wife is fully responsible for shooting the firearm but her OM put himself in harm's way by holding the gun with her. When that bullet leaves the barrel there's no telling what paths it will travel as it ricochets around the room before it finally comes to rest. If that bullet ricochets back and catches the OM between the eyes then that's just the consequences of firing a gun without fully considering all the possible outcomes for the actions he's taken. I'm sorry but its not revenge if you inform his employer of the affair they had for he should have considered this possibility before he assisted your wife in pulling that trigger. Maybe the sting of consequences will make him think twice before he fools around with a loaded gun again. If not then hopefully the next time he does it he'll remember to duck and cover!
NewSunrise Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 If he contacts you on "company time", hello! You betcha! I'd call his HR.
jj33 Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 But for the fact that you dont want your life and your W to be dragged through the mud, you could consider a sexual harrassment suit. If many women have left because of this man there is a pattern of conduct that is impacting the workplace. Better yet, have a lawyer write HR a short letter discussing her possible claim....That will have much more impact on HR and management (the whiff of a class action lawsuit) than just your phone call. And you may make that workplace a better environment for women. If he is a cheating serially with different women at the company that means he is "trying his luck" and hitting on others who decline and most likely making them uncomfortable. Very very naughty.
bish Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 lol, I can't believe people are putting the blame on people who don't carry it. Your wife let another man put his dick in her, it was by her choice and her want. Your wife holds full responsibility for cheating on you, the other guy really owes you nothing. While that is true, it still doesn't absolve the OM for being a decent person and it doesn't mitigate his despicable and worthless behavior.
bish Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 It has been 11 months since D-day. She got in a 6 month affair with a manager she works with (but doesn't report to). It's a long story if you want to see my other threads. My better-half quit her job the day after D-day. She is in no way your "better-half". The other man called me the day after discovery and said 'it's time for me to move on'. And this one is for the people that think he shouldn't be mad at the OM. What purpose did the OM have for calling him? There is no reason at all the OM needs to do that. Only purpose he would serve by calling blindsided is to rub his nose in crap. This absolutely astonished me, who would do that. To let you know he had your wife and that he doesn't need her. That he did it to show he can play with your life and smugly shove it in your face. There is no reason he needed to contact you other than to mess with you. Anyway, since d-day, my life has been hell and so has hers. He however has had no consequences. If this was an office affair, that should be his consequences. His boss should be contacted. If it was someone she didnt work with, then its a different story. But really, the one that needs to pay dire consequences is your so-called wife. I have since learned that he was involved with another married woman who quit because her husband learned of the affair. This is another reason to contact his boss. He is there to work, not bed down company women. This goes for the women there too. They are there to work, not shag other men. Should I inform his human resources dept of this affair and the he called me to 'move on'? It would be more relevant and proper to contact them if it was a subordinate relationship. In other words, was this other man in a superior or supervisory position to your wife and the other woman? If so, the company would want to take action because, even though these women voluntarily opened their legs to this guy, they could have a sexual harrassment suit brought against them for keeping this guy on the payroll.
Sup Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 If he contacts you on "company time", hello! You betcha! I'd call his HR. That's another thing to bring up to HR. BTW, are you gonna let this OM screw you over in 2 ways, or are gonna grow a pair and nail this OM's ASS?! This man needs to lose his career over this!
jj33 Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 If paying a few hundred dollars to a lawyer isnt an issue I think a lawyer write to HR would do the trick. Nothing scares a company like a big lawsuit. No need to follow up on the lawsuit but its got teeth. And it doesnt sound like some sort of Jerry Springer feud going on with you calling to "tell" because he slept with your wife. And you would be doing the other women in the company a great service - if he has had affairs with 2 women in the workplace and both felt they needed to leave, this guy is bad news for many more reasons than just the A. Yes your W is responsible for the A but ... there are bigger issues here. And you are a position to start to put them right. The fact that you might get some personal satisfaction out of it is secondary. Men like him get away with this because nobody says anything. Its the secrecy that allows him to carry on. And for those of you saying its the Ws fault too there have got to be other women in the company hes been inappropriate with who said no (tho they may not still work there). The odds just arent good that he fell madly in love with 2 colleagues and "it just happened".
pelicanpreacher Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 And the bullet keeps ricocheting around the room!
jj33 Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Perhaps... but if hes as bad as he sounds, then HR is remiss for not putting him back in his box... companies often ignore these things, its just so "messy". Its seems like more than a coincidence that both women he had affairs with have left the company. While he is likely grooming the next one for her unemployment check...
Recommended Posts