lostWithoutThem Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 I'm in NH ok, it's been 12 days since my wife took off with our daughter one morning without telling me where and when she was coming home. after 24 hours she told me she was safe and they will return. after 48 hours she finally told me she was in Florida with her parents. It's now been like 10 days since she last contacted me and is avoiding all calls, emails, and txt messages. yes we've been fighting and our marriage wasn't going great. no physical abuse ever. I've tried contacting her everyday with no response. I've tried her mother a few times as well. I know she's getting all my messages. I sent her an email about 3 days ago saying that if she wants this marriage to work at all and if she has any love for me still she needs to contact me that day and let me know something to show she still would like to try. no response. I then poured my heart out to her letting her know I can't file for divorce because we vowed "for better or for worse" and I'm not willing to give up and I want her back and i'm sorry and we can work this out. I told her I want to give this marriage another shot but it takes 2 and I just want to know when she's coming home with our daughter. no response from her still. her cats were just picked up by animal control since I don't want them (she called them to check up on them because she left me with no money in our accounts and I had no food and wasn't feeding them). Once i got a check I immediately went and bought food for the cats though. I just called animal control guy and asked if he got in touch with my wife to let her know she has 7 days to claim the cats and she said she'll try to make arrangements for someone to pick them up. So that means she doesn't plan on coming home within 7 days in my mind. I was thinking she would just take 2 weeks off from work and come home but now i'm skeptical. I'm afraid she wants divorce since she won't respond to me and tell me when i can see my daughter. I just left her a message i would like to talk to my daughter on the phone but i'm sure she won't respond. I'm looking for personal input as well as legal input. I love my wife and daughter more than anything and still want the marriage to work out. Our daughter is turning 2 years old in two weeks. I've been 12 days without seeing her and I'm the one who watches her every day of her life since I work from home and can make my own hours. what are my options? Am I stupid for still hanging on when it's clear she wants nothing to do with the marriage and is keeping me away from my daughter for who knows how long now? How can I see my daughter and force her to come back to the state our daughter was raised? Do i need to file for legal separation rather than divorce? I can't afford any lawyers as our accounts are empty though. She's supposed to get direct deposit today into our joint account and it's not here yet and i called bank and they haven't received anything yet so she could've taken that off. I pay all our bills and I'm left in a financial crisis since our names are on almost everything we own. we own a new house we just built and another house we're still trying to sell. we have 2 mortgages on top of everything. If she stopped her direct deposit I can't pay all the bills. I will not miss our daughters b-day without seeing her so I will fly down there somehow if I have to. I'm just afraid I'm holding on to nothing i'm just wasting precious time without my daughter by not taking any legal action. I will not file for divorce as I'm not giving up totally on it. I'll let her make that decision if that's what it comes down to.
Treasa Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 The first thing I'd do is contact a lawyer. And then I'd read this link. http://www.ehow.com/how_10217_deal-with-parental.html
LostHusband Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Dude - your wife just kidnapped your daughter. A call to the police might be in order since you haven't heard from her in 10 days! That's YOUR daughter too, she can't just take off and not tell you anything! What a horrible woman, how can she not even let you know they are both safe and where they are?? This boggles my mind... EDIT: I just read the link that Treasa posted, and yes you definitely need to read that link and follow what it says, this is far more serious than your marriage right now, which I would say is pretty much over - sorry.
pelicanpreacher Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Don't let pride make you foolish for "pride goeth before the fall"! Before all this happened I'm sure you were absolutely positively sure that your wife would never be capable of doing the things she's doing right now. You have dark corners and blindspots in your knowledge of your wife so take stock in what you know but accept the fact that you don't know everything about her and never will. There's a case on television right now about a woman who supposedly left her daughter, who was missing for over 30 days without official notification to law enforcement, with an alleged babysitter and is now on being investigated as a suspect in her possible murder. Do you fancy yourself in that predicament? Your stance on divorce in this cirmustance is based soley on pride which may very well jeopardize the life and well being of your child. Your first move at this point is to enlist all manner of legal authority to ensure the health and safety of your daughter. If it takes you to initiate a divorce action to normalize your contact and relationship with your child then you better get your head out of your azz, man up, and take whatever steps are necessary to achieve this! The moment your wife abscounded with your daughter to parts unknown she and your marriage became secondary priorities to your concerns. You can sit there looking foolish and face the spotlight's harsh questions of why you took no steps to ensure your daughter's life and safety or you can do what you already know you've signed up to do as her parent and father. YOUR CHILD IS WAITING?!
sadintexas Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I am not sure this would legally constitute as parental abduction. It SHOULD by all means, but the reason I say this is because it refers to parents who have separated or divorced and who have taken the child outside of that permitted by the custody orders and failed to return the child upon demand. I went through the attempted abduction of my daughter by her father before custody was established and I was advised by the police and my attorney that until there were specific custody orders, either parent has the right to the child. The only thing that saved us was her small Christian private school knew our situation and locked down the school and called me to come pick her up. Even they said they couldn't legally prevent him from taking her and took a risk doing what they did. I am thankful they did! Time is still of the essence here though. I would definately check to see what the laws say about your situation and if it is as I was lead to believe, you have the option to get yourself down to Florida now by whatever means you have to and take her back! That option could present problems if done incorrectly. You could also file for divorce yourself and file for temporary orders that determine custody until the divorce is final. Let the judge know what your wife has done. Typically judges frown on this type of behavior STRONGLY which will help you regarding custody in the end. As a stranger looking in all I can say is any parent that would take a child from the other parent like this does not have regard for the needs or true welfare of the child unless there are extenuating circumstances. She also obviously has no regard for your feelings. I imagine it's terrifying not to know where your child really is. If the circumstances behind this are real and true, you will have a lot of sympathy on your side and it will affect the final outcome of this.
husbndinthemaking Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 I would contact a lawyer and the police immediately.
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