Lishy Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 I have recieved court papers today from my son's dad and have to attend a conciliation meeting in November. Have any of you been through this as I am bricking it !! My ex is mentally ill but says he is making great progress, I do not know this for sure as I have no contact with him at all but he says he can prove it. I want my son to have a relationship with his dad but am scared of him screwing up and causing my son mental damage. I will insist on a supervised contact centre but I would still like to know what to expect if anyone knows?
Geishawhelk Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 If he is registered as being mentally ill, and is under a doctor's care, a psychologist, psychiatrist and is taking medication, he will have to produce all this data as proof of continued care. He may also have to produce one or more character witnesses (medically qualified) to back up his demands or requests, to prove his mental competence. Anyone who is certified as mentally ill should be under constant scrutiny, and won't be able to simply buck the system, and get what they want on a whim. Investigate what is going on. you have that right. But hopefully, if he will be supervised, and can prove there is progress, it may not all go as badly as you fear.....
Author Lishy Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 His menatl health is fully documented and so are his suicide attempts and cutting and the police have records for when they have been called becaue he threw a tv out of the window or when he sent the police to my house at midnight saying he had killed me! My solicitor is sure that he will only be given supervised contact but I am scared because he scares me. He has been a big bully in my life and he has been out of it for 2 years and now he is back like a bad penny!
marlena Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 This is a hard one. How does your son feel? Does he want to see him?
Ocean-Blue Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Lishy, do you think he is sincere in wanting this? If he is, perhaps you should consider spending some time determining whether he's fit to see your son. I know the courts don't leave that sort of stuff up to you, BUT can your solicitor not get an agreement drawn whereby you two try to work something out in the best interests of your son?
Author Lishy Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 This is a hard one. How does your son feel? Does he want to see him? My son DOES want to see him, but he is also quite nervous about his dad as he was so unpredictable Lishy, do you think he is sincere in wanting this? If he is, perhaps you should consider spending some time determining whether he's fit to see your son. I know the courts don't leave that sort of stuff up to you, BUT can your solicitor not get an agreement drawn whereby you two try to work something out in the best interests of your son? I do think he is sincere, I have never doubted that he loves his son but the problem was that he had no control over himself and could not do the right thing by my boy. It has caused my such much anguish in the past. My solicitor will insist on seeing evidence that he has improved
Ocean-Blue Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 My son DOES want to see him, but he is also quite nervous about his dad as he was so unpredictable I do think he is sincere, I have never doubted that he loves his son but the problem was that he had no control over himself and could not do the right thing by my boy. It has caused my such much anguish in the past. My solicitor will insist on seeing evidence that he has improved They say that it's very important for a child to have contact with both parents. Unless he is violent towards the child, perhaps you should consider it? I mean, your son will want to know his father and will have questions. It might help him in the long run. BTW, how old is he? I know it must be difficult for you...you want want what's best for your son. I guess you have to set aside your own fears and try to be rational and ask yourself if your ex poses any real threat of harm to your son. Does he?
Author Lishy Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 He poses a risk to my son in the way that he does the wrong thing by him i.e drinking cider at 11am, rolling joints infront of him, screaming and swearing infront of him (not at him) He has never hit him but 2 years ago he was not mentally well enough to do the right thing by him! I do think my son needs to see his dad (he is 12) and I know it wont be too long before my son will be able to just go and knock on his dads door and I will have no control over it at all
Ocean-Blue Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 He poses a risk to my son in the way that he does the wrong thing by him i.e drinking cider at 11am, rolling joints infront of him, screaming and swearing infront of him (not at him) He has never hit him but 2 years ago he was not mentally well enough to do the right thing by him! I do think my son needs to see his dad (he is 12) and I know it wont be too long before my son will be able to just go and knock on his dads door and I will have no control over it at all Yeah. It's better that you try to foster a positive R with your ex (as much as you can) rather than allowing their relationship to happen without your participation. Your son will need his father and will want to know more about him. Children are far more forgiving than adults are.
jerbear Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Your son will need his father and will want to know more about him. Children are far more forgiving than adults are. That I agree with. My father wants contact and still does. I personally don't want contact. Lishy: Have you asked your son if he wants contact?
Author Lishy Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 That I agree with. My father wants contact and still does. I personally don't want contact. Lishy: Have you asked your son if he wants contact? Yes I have and he said he does but he wants to see him at a contact centre. Why dont you want to see your dad hon?
jerbear Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Yes I have and he said he does but he wants to see him at a contact centre. Why dont you want to see your dad hon? He was not around for most of my life. He wasn't even there when I was born. Where was he when I graduated from college with a BS and MS? Where was he when I needed a down payment on a home? He actually wants my name on his place!? I can go on and on.
Author Lishy Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 Wow Jer! DO you mean he wants to gove you his home or he wants you to pay for it? Why was he not there for you babe?
Geishawhelk Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Lishy, your son is getting to the age now where he can be clear on things and make his mind up about stuff. Just let him know you totally support whatever he wants, but that whatever he does, it has to be because he really wants to, not out of a sense of duty or obligation. If the crapoola hits the fan, tell him he's absolutely free and within his rights to walk away. he doesn't have to take responsibility, you're there to support him whatever......
Author Lishy Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 That made me want to cry Geisha! And you are so right! I DO need to talk to my son and find out what he really wants, it has made me wonder if he hides his feelings from me because he does not want to upset me. I never bad mouth his dad to him but there has been times where my son has witnessed my angst.
jerbear Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Wow Jer! DO you mean he wants to gove you his home or he wants you to pay for it? Why was he not there for you babe? I'm leaning toward "he wants me to pay for it." I don't want a liability when I get my own place. Long story short, well my dad decided to cheat and my mom divorced him.
Gold Pile Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 He poses a risk to my son in the way that he does the wrong thing by him i.e drinking cider at 11am, rolling joints infront of him, screaming and swearing infront of him (not at him) He has never hit him but 2 years ago he was not mentally well enough to do the right thing by him! I do think my son needs to see his dad (he is 12) and I know it wont be too long before my son will be able to just go and knock on his dads door and I will have no control over it at all Lesser of two evils....no Dad contact is better than BAD Dad contact. He will mess your son's head up and leave you to put it all straight again...no easy chore. Divorced Women with children and often bad ex's have been a big part of my life....I see this all the time.
Author Lishy Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 I know GP, but I am hoping that after 2 year of not seeing him he will know right from wrong If I agree to supervised contact we can see how it goes - He cant damage him with someone supervising
Gold Pile Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 pipe down and get back to dating thread:cool:
You'reasian Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 His menatl health is fully documented and so are his suicide attempts and cutting and the police have records for when they have been called becaue he threw a tv out of the window or when he sent the police to my house at midnight saying he had killed me! My solicitor is sure that he will only be given supervised contact but I am scared because he scares me. He has been a big bully in my life and he has been out of it for 2 years and now he is back like a bad penny! Your best bet is to contact your solicitor - and since you are based in the U.K. and not U.S. - it'll be hard for your American counterparts to provide legal advise here.
Lizzie60 Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 I have recieved court papers today from my son's dad and have to attend a conciliation meeting in November. Have any of you been through this as I am bricking it !! My ex is mentally ill but says he is making great progress, I do not know this for sure as I have no contact with him at all but he says he can prove it. I want my son to have a relationship with his dad but am scared of him screwing up and causing my son mental damage. I will insist on a supervised contact centre but I would still like to know what to expect if anyone knows? Oh WOW.. is there a way you can ask him to prove that he is better? How old is your son? Fight for a supervised visit..
Ariadne Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Yey! That's great Lishy that your son is going to meet with his father. Aww...
Author Lishy Posted September 27, 2008 Author Posted September 27, 2008 Oh WOW.. is there a way you can ask him to prove that he is better? How old is your son? Fight for a supervised visit.. Yes I will insist upon letters/proof from doctors about his progres my son is 12 I will 100% get supervised contact. If the court says unsupervised I would move, I swear!
sam light Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Yey! That's great Lishy that your son is going to meet with his father. Aww... Ariadne you must live a charmed life, you think all father's are good. There is high probability that this basketcase of a guy will do some harm. That's why an intelligent and good mother is so concerned.
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