mollers Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Hello all, Well it's been almost 5 months since me and my ex split up. I'm coping quite well I think now; a small part of me will admit that deep down, I think I'd rather still be with him than without, but that's not going to happen and I accept that. Whilst my thoughts aren't turning to him 24/7 anymore, I do think that it will probably take a full year to stop me comparing what is going on in my life now, to what was going on this time last year. By that I mean, when a full year has passed, I will no longer be thinking 'this time last year this was happening' and 'this time last year that was happening'. We split in May, so I have gotten through the summer thinking 'last summer we had great times at the beach and sitting in the beer garden etc'. The next milestone will be Christmas, and I'll be thinking back to my holiday in Cuba and him meeting me from the flight on Christmas Eve. Eventually it will get round to May and I hopefully won't be comparing anymore. I don't know it this is a negative or positive thing, or just some sort of coping strategy, but I do think that until the full year cycle has passed, I'll always be comparing. Anyone else feel the same?
Geishawhelk Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Take a look at this thread, and see for yourself....
Author mollers Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 Take a look at this thread, and see for yourself.... People on that thread though seem to be glad to be single now, not feeling constantly reminded? I can't say I'm at that stage yet.
Geishawhelk Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 No, but my point was, there's no reason why you won't be. Time to move on. Drop the baggage, and feel lighter. Why carry it around, when you don't have to? It's your choice, you know. Nobody is doing this to you - but you.
Author mollers Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 I see what you mean, and I do think I have moved on enormously since the early days of our split. I just think it is going to take me that full year to stop comparing where I am now to where I was then. Don't get me wrong, I've not put my life on hold, and I don't think back to a year ago and lock myself away crying or anything like that. I'm seeing friends and going on holidays and forcing myself to change my routines, I just think the reminders are going to be around for a while yet.
BackonTrack Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Yes you are right. The only thing that can you heal you of this is time. For some people it goes fast For others it takes longer. You just have to live with it until it goes away. I broke up with my ex about 6-7 months ago. For a long time I didn't let go, it got so bad that all my emotions were gone and my mind was still thinking about the situtation, eventually my brain started to hurt physically when a image of the ex would appear or if I would start writing about her. What I'm saying is some people have it worst than you. Anyways once my brain itself started to actually physically hurt me, I dieceded its now time to move on and not think about her. Seem to have helped, went the last few days without reflecting on the relationship. Doesn't even bother me anymore. Based on my status, in about 2-3 more months the ex will be completely gone from thought.
Author mollers Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 Hi Backontrack. Oh yes, I do know that lots of people have it a lot worse than me. I don't want to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself or anything. I just really wondered whether other people notice the constant comparison to 'this time last year'. It seems to pop up when I least expect it. I won't have thought about him for days, then I'll notice that it's a certain date, and bam! comparison with last year! Sometimes I hate myself for it as I'm pretty damn sure the same thoughts aren't going through his mind. I really do try not to deliverately think about him but sometimes it feels like it's just beyond my control. I think you are right though. It's a conscious decision to move on. You have made this and I have moved on too, I know there is no going back. I think it's the sub-conscious that sometimes lets me down!
Geishawhelk Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Hi .....I really do try not to deliverately think about him but sometimes it feels like it's just beyond my control. .....It's a conscious decision to move on. ...... I think it's the sub-conscious that sometimes lets me down! It;s not the thinking that's the problem. It's the emotional attachment you hang on it that's the problem. One day is very much like any other. They're just days and numbers on a calendar. They mean diddly-squat to anyone else, but it's you who decides to hang a significance on that day. You're the one using it as a marker. \ So here's a deal. Look for the next 'significant' day. Then plan a really great day out on that day. Do something wonderful. Go abseiling, parachuting, hot-air ballooning, deep-sea diving, get a tattoo done, go see a movie, go to a concert.... do anything. But hang something BETTER onto that day.
Mr Biscuits Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Mollers, I'm in exactly the same position as you, and the time scale is pretty much identical as well. It's her birthday next month. Something tells me that her new boyfriend is likely to propose to her. And then Christmas. As I've mentioned in another thread, I am dreading it. So yes, I am doing much better than I was, but like you, I am constantly comparing my situation to "this time last year". Based on previous experiences, I think the whole year needs to go by before you're completely clear. The process can be accelerated by falling for someone else, but unfortunately, you can't fall in love to order!
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