awesomeness43 Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 I have never been the jealous guy. Yet, seeing as this is the first girl i seriously care for and see something potentially long term with... i AM the jealous type. =( I have retroactive jealousy, i constantly have thoughts of her and other guys. shes 20 has had with 5 guys but has messed around with maybe a total of 8? Me, being her 5th. I am 19 and my number is double that. I def don't judge and it is not a character issue as i am worse. I just basically can't imagine her and other guys doing those things to her. What ESPECIALLY bothers me is the one nighters. UGH! What can i do to get over this.... Is 5 guys really that bad? what is the norm? Also, i know she completely loves me and all but when she goes clubbing i pretend to be excited for her but inside im dying... Is it normal for her to go clubbing with friends? How do most guys feel about their gf's going clubbing with out them? btw.. we're 4 months and in an ldr but take 3-4 day long vacations once a month and see each other every other weekend.
Steelrain21 Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 I don't think 5 is that bad for a girl at 20. I totally feel where you're coming from with the clubbing thing. There's just something about adding a girl I care about, drinking and dancing that never makes me feel comfortable. You're better off having a girl giving you a little more advice on how girls think and act while clubbing. If you really trust her though I would simply just tell her how you feel. Just say something like "Hey I trust you, but at the same time I can't help but get kind of nervous when you go out." If she really loves you then she should give you some reassurance.
george35 Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 I have never been the jealous guy. Yet, seeing as this is the first girl i seriously care for and see something potentially long term with... i AM the jealous type. =( I have retroactive jealousy, i constantly have thoughts of her and other guys. shes 20 has had with 5 guys but has messed around with maybe a total of 8? Me, being her 5th. I am 19 and my number is double that. I def don't judge and it is not a character issue as i am worse. I just basically can't imagine her and other guys doing those things to her. What ESPECIALLY bothers me is the one nighters. UGH! What can i do to get over this.... Is 5 guys really that bad? what is the norm? Also, i know she completely loves me and all but when she goes clubbing i pretend to be excited for her but inside im dying... Is it normal for her to go clubbing with friends? How do most guys feel about their gf's going clubbing with out them? btw.. we're 4 months and in an ldr but take 3-4 day long vacations once a month and see each other every other weekend. I think the average per life is like 8, really after discounting the percentage of those with more than 20 and those with 0 to 1 and averaging the rest of us, "normal" people, lol. You being number 5 isn't bad unless one day you become one of 20, JK Good luck.
sweet&simple Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Do you think your insecurities have more to do with it being a LDR and the fact that you may not know what's going on all of the time? You're going to have to work out the jealousy you have.. really, you have to realize yeah, she was with other guys, but she's with you now and what she did then has nothing to do with your relationship now. The clubbing is pretty normal.. I'm 21, I don't do the whole clubbing party thing, but I know most girls in my group of friends like to go out, drink, dance, whatever. It's not necessarily about picking up guys and one night stands. Going out with friends, having fun, is a pretty normal activity for a 20 year old. If there isn't clubbing, there are always parties and just drinking with a group of friends. It all comes down to how much you trust her.
AAlike Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 I have never been the jealous guy. Yet, seeing as this is the first girl i seriously care for and see something potentially long term with... i AM the jealous type. =( I have retroactive jealousy, i constantly have thoughts of her and other guys. shes 20 has had with 5 guys but has messed around with maybe a total of 8? Me, being her 5th. I am 19 and my number is double that. I def don't judge and it is not a character issue as i am worse. I just basically can't imagine her and other guys doing those things to her. What ESPECIALLY bothers me is the one nighters. UGH! What can i do to get over this.... Is 5 guys really that bad? what is the norm? Also, i know she completely loves me and all but when she goes clubbing i pretend to be excited for her but inside im dying... Is it normal for her to go clubbing with friends? How do most guys feel about their gf's going clubbing with out them? btw.. we're 4 months and in an ldr but take 3-4 day long vacations once a month and see each other every other weekend. so what if it was above "normal"? Would she turn into a pumpkin?
Al_Bundy Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 I have never been the jealous guy. Yet, seeing as this is the first girl i seriously care for and see something potentially long term with... i AM the jealous type. =( I have retroactive jealousy, i constantly have thoughts of her and other guys. shes 20 has had with 5 guys but has messed around with maybe a total of 8? Me, being her 5th. I am 19 and my number is double that. I def don't judge and it is not a character issue as i am worse. I just basically can't imagine her and other guys doing those things to her. What ESPECIALLY bothers me is the one nighters. UGH! What can i do to get over this.... Is 5 guys really that bad? what is the norm? What difference does it make what anyone thinks the "norm" is. You have been with twice as many girls as she has guys. Also, i know she completely loves me and all but when she goes clubbing i pretend to be excited for her but inside im dying... Is it normal for her to go clubbing with friends? Sure its normal. Thats what people do. Is it ok to go clubbing when you have a significant other? That varies from person to person. Personally for me, I wouldn't date someone that felt the need to go clubbing all the time. Why do you hear so many stories of "I got drunk at a club and made a mistake"?? How do most guys feel about their gf's going clubbing with out them? There is a reason they don't want their significant others at the club with them. They won't get attention from other guys if you are around.
Al_Bundy Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 The clubbing is pretty normal.. I'm 21, I don't do the whole clubbing party thing, but I know most girls in my group of friends like to go out, drink, dance, whatever. Yes, its the "whatever" thats the problem. It's not necessarily about picking up guys and one night stands. Not "necessarily", no. But it IS a major reason to go to clubs. Going out with friends, having fun, is a pretty normal activity for a 20 year old. If there isn't clubbing, there are always parties and just drinking with a group of friends. It all comes down to how much you trust her. What ever happened to shopping, going to the movies? Stuff like that. There is a reason people have to be in a social setting with drinking, low inhibitions, and the opposite sex. And it aint to play hopscotch.
AAlike Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 There is a reason people have to be in a social setting with drinking, low inhibitions, and the opposite sex. And it aint to play hopscotch. Strong words from someone who's married yet spends all his time at the nudey bar, Bundy...
You'reasian Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 If she's had a 5-some (or multiple-somes), you should probably consider that a reason to be concerned, esp. if they occured in a club setting since that's more hard-core. Having had 5 guys in her past is not. Good luck!
Lucky_One Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Does your high number of partners concern her?
AAlike Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Eventually the thoughts of the other guys will pass, whether it's "statistically normal" or not - but I think the main problem here is that you're at an age that isn't really all that conducive to a relationship in the first place, plus you throw in the fact that it's an LDR, and I can see where you're accumulating some trust issues. I see what some have said about clubbing and stuff - however, if you forbade her to do that stuff she might feel like she was missing out. so honestly dude, you do need to give her her space. if she's really the right one, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about.
Al_Bundy Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Strong words from someone who's married yet spends all his time at the nudey bar, Bundy... LOL..I was about to say, "i don't think so" when I realized you was talkin' bout the almight Al
Recommended Posts