kmana Posted August 20, 2003 Posted August 20, 2003 I browsed the internet to find some advice that could help me deal with my current situation and this site seems like a great oulet. Ill try and stay short to keep this bearable. My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year. We met at a softball game and hadnt spent a day apart since. We recently got engaged about 3 months ago.Her grandmother gave me the ring I proposed to her with. Well, She broke up with me... Not only called off wedding, and gave back ring. But completely broke up with me. She sat me down while crying and asked me not to get mad, she then told me she had feelings for someone else. I was shocked.. Felt like a nightmare. EVeryone admired our relationship and thought we were two peas in a pod. After calming down from the shock, we talked more. She pointed out that the issue wasnt about picking someone over me but she felt confused about our relationship if she had feelings for another. She felt bad for loving me so much but very sad about having feelings for another. Just a week ago she reassured me that she wanted to be with me always and have my children etc etc. She wants time alone to figure things out. "If I really love him, how could I develop feelings for another man"? she askes out loud. She even cried begging me to tell her what to do and telling me shes scared and doesnt want to be without me. But she feels like it isnt right to be with me if she has feelings for another.. Shes confused, she cries, . Okay the clincher....I live with her... She doesn't want me to leave.. She thinks the house will be too empty without me and would miss me too much. She wants me to stay so we both can still experience eachothers company and do all the things we enjoy doing together... She just doesnt want to be a couple if she feels the way she feels. I admire her for being open and honest with me, however many of you can imagine how hard this is. She shares with me how much she loves me and she just needs time to sort things out. Im torn. I want to be here to because I love her... but is it right? Do I just stay and be a friend with the hope that things will turn favorable.. BReaking up on account of needing time to sort emotions is one thing. But could this turn around if I stay and support her and eventually get that ring back on her finger? She did thank me for understanding and not getting angry and leaving. What exactly does she want. I asked her and she responds with "I dont know, I love you but dont understand why have feelings for this guy and if I do, maybe Im not ready." I am so lost. Puffy eyes cloud my vision. I love her. I want her to be happy.
Sad Petal Posted August 20, 2003 Posted August 20, 2003 She let you go in a honest and polite manner, that much you have to owe her. Give her some time and be there for her, even if she doesn't love you, you'll be doing yourself good and making yourself a better person by being there. On the other hand (sorry) she might invite him over, introduce you to him and totally wreck you (something similiar happened to me, it's the worst) As soon as she's ok, you should move on.
emokid Posted August 21, 2003 Posted August 21, 2003 Hey Man- Okay here's what i think. If you love this woman you need to be there for her 100%. The thing not to do is become bitter. In my experience, we had a perfect relationship, lived together, everybody thought we were 2 peas in a pod as well....Towards the end of the relationship, I found out my she was unhappy about where she was going in her life and what she hadn't accomplished in her life and wanted to leave to be on her own and figure things out...her self confidence was really low....but we tried to make it work... then i found out she was sort of flirting with a guy she worked with and she sort of liked the attention she was getting. Apparently he had been telling her a lot of good stuff about how he admired the person she was and wanted to get to know her better because she was so interesting. But the thing was, she was just so confused on what it was exactly she wanted in her life, felt unsure about her talents and felt like a failure, even though i always praised her. It wasn't that she needed another guy, it was just that her self esteem was so low and she felt lost and frustrated with herself. She apologized for that and said she was just confused, she knew he wasn't a better choice than what we had together. She realized that me or any other guy couldn't make her happy. She needed to be happy with herself and happy with her own life. She was scared about making the wrong choices. i don't know if that helps, everybody is different but from what you're saying our situations sound similar. The only thing i did and have continued to keep on doing is, be there for her. I've done all I Can to improve myself, do things for me, change things I don't like about my own life and been there to support and help her. Don't hate her for any of this, unless she's already cheated on you, then that's a whole other story. Just be there for her the best you can, be strong, do NOT fall into sadness. Get on with things, you can't do anything to change her mind, she's gotta make up her own mind. Hang in there.
Author kmana Posted August 22, 2003 Author Posted August 22, 2003 Thanks a lot man.. Thats the best advice i got on here.. It is almost completely parallel to what my friends and family have said because they know we love eachother... The difficult thing is that I have been thinking a lot.. Although I have been supportive, I wonder if living with her is the best place for her right now.. How can she ever realize that she misses me or wants me to be the ONE if Im always here and since we barely have time for eachother because of work how can I possibly spark chemistry again... Im a nice unviolent man and this has been such a trial for me. I appreciate you time.
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