Bella1988 Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Hey guys. Long explanation, but please read? I'd been seing this guy for a few months. I actually met him at work, which I know is usually a big no-no, but they transferred him anyways because he was in loss prevention and wasn't allowed to date any associates at the store. I thought things were perfect now. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years, and he seemed to come along and sweep me right off my feet, making me forget all my problems and insecurites I had from my previous relationship. He treated me like gold--telling me at least 3 times a day how beautiful I was and that he hadn't been this happy in a really long time. He was funny, charming, and sweet. If I did so much as make a sigh, he'd ask if everything was alright and if I needed anything. It was too good to be true. He told me everyday how perfect I was for him, and even told me he loved me after a couple months of dating him. I know that's typically way too soon to say that to someone, but it seemed like he truly meant it. The only thing I was a little weary about was the age difference, because he's 30 and I'm just turning 20 in November. I know it might sound weird to some people, and all my friends said he was way too old for me, but I liked him so much the age didn't matter to me. He told me he never felt this way about anyone else before and he made me feel special. Then, out of no where, it ended. We were supposed to hang out yesterday; he said he was gonna go home and take a nap and should be ready for me to come over around 3. I told him I was gonna go out to lunch with my mom first, and could be over around 430. He said that was fine, told me he loved me and couldnt wait to see me, and just to get there as soon as I could. I didn't end up getting home til around 5, and when I called him he sounded a little upset that I hadn't left yet. He said he'd call me back cuz he was checking out at the store. At that point I got in my car and made my way over, cuz I could tell in the tone of his voice that he wasn't too happy with me; it was something I'd never heard in his voice before. So as I'm on my way, 15 minutes pass and he never called me back. I called him at least 3 times and he didn't pick up. Then all of a sudden I get a text message saying I never put any effort into the relationship because I'm always late, he's the only one that ever tries, and basically he was completely done with me. I was completely caught off guard. I ignored what he said and told him I was already on my way, and then he sent me another one saying to turn around because he didn't want to see me. I was in total shock at this point, and I was already almost to his house so I went over anyways to see what the hell was going on. When I pulled in, he was standing outside with his roommate and another one of his friends, and he came over to my car before I could even get out and told me I better get off his property or he was going to call the cops. He gave me no explanation of what I did wrong at all, he just said he was done and didn't wanna see me anymore. At that point I was so dumbfounded I didn't even know what to do. I was actually a little scared because I'd never seen that side of him before until now. He pulled a complete 360. He went from being completely in love with me and willing to do whatever it took to make me happy, to acting really cold and wanting nothing to do with me. I was so upset that I texted him later that night asking for an explanation and he said I neglected him and never tried or did anything for him, but then later on he was asking me to come over and saying he still loved me. Of course I didn't give in to that, especially after what he did to me earlier. Then this morning I talked to him because I knew there had to be something else he was hiding, his reasoning the night before didn't make any sense at all. He told me his mother had a stroke and he was frustrated that I wasn't there for him when he needed me, and said his friends were there for him but I wasn't. I had no idea his mother even had a stroke, he never told me...so I don't understand how he could blame that on me. Why was he just telling me that he loved me and never wanted to lose me, but then suddenly was willing to throw me away over something so small--because I was 45 minutes late? I'm not the most punctual person, but he never even gave me a clue that he had any problems with me up until now. If anything, he told me he'd wait as long as it took for me to come see him, and told me not to ever worry about that. Why did this happen out of no where, and how can someone go from one extreme to another all in one day? I'm so confused, and it makes it harder that he was so extremely nice to me up until now. Usually relationships tend to slowly go downhill, but he literally was telling me how much he loved me the previous night and that morning before it happened. I can't stop thinking about this, it hurts even more because I had no idea this was coming...everything was perfect up until now. What happened?!
lonelyandfrustrated Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 RUN! Seriously, you sound young. Don't put up with crap like that. Set your boundaries now, before you end up married with a bundle of babies and thinking you have to put up with crap from men. OR: Understand that he's in turmoil right now over his mother. Sit back and wait. Now is not your time to need, but to give. Time, space, support. He'll either appreciate that or exploit it, and then you'll have your answer whether you should wait or go.
Author Bella1988 Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 RUN! Seriously, you sound young. Don't put up with crap like that. Set your boundaries now, before you end up married with a bundle of babies and thinking you have to put up with crap from men. OR: Understand that he's in turmoil right now over his mother. Sit back and wait. Now is not your time to need, but to give. Time, space, support. He'll either appreciate that or exploit it, and then you'll have your answer whether you should wait or go. He didn't even give me a warning before breaking up with me. Don't you think if he really meant everything he said to me he would of gave me another chance, instead of just dropping me like that? And to be so cold about it, threatening me and saying he was going to call the cops if I didn't leave. It almost seems like he has split personalities, to just snap like that and act so differently towards me. I'd love to be there to support him, but he didn't even give me the opportunity. Should I even trust someone like that to begin with? It seems like everything he told me was a lie.
D-Lish Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 He's a lunatic and a control freak by the sounds of it. I would have turned the car around and never talked to him again. Typical control behaviour- he does something cruel and abusive, tells you he doesn't want you.... and then he begs you to come back. Steer clear of guys like this- seriously... he showed you some really telling behaviour with this incident. I wouldn't even be picking up the phone when he calls. If his mother had a stroke, why was he in the driveway and not at the hospital? run, run, run. I met guys like this when I was younger... and this is the type of guy you want to stay away from. Call the cops on you? Come on- he is a nightmare waiting to happen.
BCCA Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Call the cops on you? Come on- he is a nightmare waiting to happen. I agree 100% I think it was pretty cold to not only threaten to call the cops on you, but to do it in front of his friends. What a jerk. I wouldn't give this guy the time of day from here on out, you don't need anyone controlling your life. You're too young to settle for someone like this, he's a waste of your time.
Author Bella1988 Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 He really showed no signs at all of being a controlling lunatic until yesterday. If anything, before all this he was almost too lenient and easygoing with me. It would have been different if every now and then he started showing small signs of this kind of behavior, but it all happened in the course of one day. I just can't get over that. Do you think he found someone else, and this was his sick way of getting rid of me as soon as possible? It just seems like he took the first excuse he could find to break up with me. I'd broken plans a lot with him in the beginning because I was still dealing with my ex and having problems with him, and he completely understood then and gave me all the time I needed. How can he go from that to ending it with me because I showed up 45 minutes late? Why does he suddenly have a problem with it now? I haven't heard from him since this morning when I talked to him on the phone. I tried to hold back from texting him, but I couldn't help it....and he never replied back, to my disappointment. Something just doesn't seem right. I feel incomplete, like I didn't get the closure that I needed to move on. I know we weren't seeing each other for very long, but he was telling me he loved me every single day. It went from that to absolutely nothing within a day.
sunshinegirl Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 He really showed no signs at all of being a controlling lunatic until yesterday. I know we weren't seeing each other for very long, but he was telling me he loved me every single day. Here's a tough lesson to learn: people who rush into the "I love you's" too early in a relationship are often the same people who dump you coldly later. At least you'll know to be wary of that behavior in the future...
lonelygurl Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 He sounds like an extremely needed person who also has commitment problems. Very needed men are hard to deal with. I've been there. They can't seem to offer any emotional support. You will go crazy trying to figure out what his problem is. Do you best to stay away.
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