lkjh Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 You have to stop making yourself out to be a victim. If I remember correctly in your other post you complained that after you left your H and moved a 100 miles away he started seeing another woman ( you admitted that it was a rebound). At that point you said he killed the trust but in reality when you had an affair and moved out you killed it. You have to stop looking for reasons to make you two even, he looked at porn recently and you f***** another man and moved out with his kids. This does not make it appropriate for him to look at porn but it is understandable and nothing like physically having sex with someone else. I think you are just somehow trying to make you two even.
Author cherrymoon Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 I hate with such a passion that word victim. I say repeatedly I made my choice and I am to blame, my affair cannot be justified. Reasons for being so unhappy are completely justified. My actions were not! I seriously am far from looking to even up any score card. I made the mistake of having an affair. I moved 100miles away for 3 very specific reasons 1. was I found out he was with her 2. I had to get away so the situation could change and he told me to leave. 3. is between he an I and is not for discussion. All i want is to understand it. To understand the lies. To work out my head. I asked for advise and perspective. Look i appreciate you and everyone who takes the time to reply but look I am doing everything in my power to fix this marriage and take what is thrown at me on the chin. He didn't start looking at porn when I left he has been doing it for years, I just found out though. He didn't start seeing this girl when I left. He was looking at it last weekend. The trust isn't killed because of this the trust is delicate and neither of us are blameless so we both need to be careful. I don't see this as him being unfaithful. This is really important: I had no choice but to take OUR kids away. (not his ours) I love this guy, I adore him but he used to make it really hard. after I posted today I wrote him a long email, he replayed and said he totally understands. I have told him that if porn is something he wants then I will accept it to a point but that I need to have an understanding of why. I realise that as a woman I will not really get a proper understanding, as a woman who cheated on her husband I am sure a lot out there think it is what i deserve. Well as a woman who wants to be forgiven and rebuild her marriage I am allowed to say if I am unhappy with an aspect of his behavior that affects me. I may have done wrong but that doesn't mean I have to live a miserable life, because poor me I did wrong. A second chance that is what we have and I am happy that i know as now it is another aspect of our lives that is now shared and not covered up and lied about.
Al_Bundy Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 If I was married again and my X had an affair, I'd probably prefer jacking off to porn over sex with my wife. But then again, I wouldn't be with someone who cheated on me. Are you sure you are doing everything you can to try to right the wrong you did when you cheated? Because on his end of it, if you aren't busting your arse after an affair to do anything less than shower him with love, affection, sex, etc., he may feel like what is the point.
Al_Bundy Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 I may have done wrong but that doesn't mean I have to live a miserable life, because poor me I did wrong. You shouldn't have to live a miserable life and should be able to express your opinion when something goes on that you don't like. But welcome to his world. He will carry this affair with him til the day he dies. It may not be a daily thing with him, but it has scarred him. So in a sense, whether he forgives or not, you have sentenced him to a miserable life on some level.
Recommended Posts