what do you think

[DealingWDrama]

I think telling his wife would cause more drama and add to the heart ache. Have you considered a restraining order? I'm proud of your for telling your husband...any contact this man makes with you - you need to tell him immediately...let him read the emails, ect. If you got a RO and he violated it - he would end up in jail....ignoring him is making him crazy - so what? It's not your problem anymore...good job and good luck fixing your marriage.

[bish]

Bish,

My facebook is rather dull, my H has access to it as I have to his. I have blocked OM and to be honest I only use it to keep up to date with my closest friend who lives in asia.

 

Why do you even still have a facebook? As far as I'm concerned, they are more times than not, hook up tools. And rather childish. Which is why I have neither.

 

As someone who cheated, don't you think it would be best to not be on a facebook or myspace??

 

 

I want this marriage. i have given up a really lovely life and home and moved away from my friends and family to do this. he absolutely understands i didn't need to do this. He knows how much i have sacrificed to make this work.

 

He sees it as me giving him another chance??????

 

Then I'd say he is whipped. No offense to him. That sounds like the thoughts of someone that thinks they couldn't get anyone better if he left the M.

 

 

This has been a really tough week I am feeling really vulnerable

 

 

How so? Vulnerable to cheating again??

 

 

 

Bish you need to toughen up people are gonna see the nice guy in you,

 

Don't push it.

[bish]

Cherrymoon..

 

This OM has NO loyalty to your husband, so why is your husband getting upset at him?

 

 

Uh, because his wife broke it off with him and he keeps coming back for more and not getting the hint.

 

Or is a husband suppose to be pleased when other men try to contact their wives for a hook up?

[bish]

I think telling his wife would cause more drama and add to the heart ache.

 

I disagree. The OM's wife deserves to know.

 

But at the very least, I think CM's husband could contact the OM, tell him to leave them alone, or he will tell the OM's wife.

 

and if he doesn't stop, then I'd rat him out toot sweet.

[jmargel]

Uh, because his wife broke it off with him and he keeps coming back for more and not getting the hint.

 

Or is a husband suppose to be pleased when other men try to contact their wives for a hook up?

 

Her husband contacting him will do nothing but provoke the situation. She needs to get a restraining order against him if he continues contact after she asks him to stop.

 

Not saying he should be pleased but he needs to let his wife take the lead role in this. It's her responsibility.

[bish]

Her husband contacting him will do nothing but provoke the situation. She needs to get a restraining order against him if he continues contact after she asks him to stop.

 

It won't do any good. As long as he isn't breaking the FCC rules and her IM/email, whatever, is public info, he can contact her if he wishes. She can block him, but they'd laugh at her about a RO unless he is threatening to kill her or harrassing her.

 

 

Not saying he should be pleased but he needs to let his wife take the lead role in this. It's her responsibility.

 

If left up to her, I'm afraid nothing would happen. Her husband would have to simply put up with it.

[cherrymoon]

Bish,

 

Depends on how one uses facebook. I am sadly:p age appropriate and my H is on it and I only check it maybe twice a month.

 

H has one, he set up mine. If he has no problem (he has password etc) then it isn't an issue if he wants it gone no problem.

 

Om is blocked

OM's wife won't care that he is contacting me I imagine as I am not his first affair.

She doesn't act on his misbehaving.

 

I have done everything I see fit and all that H has asked me to. We accept that OM is what he is and i have no need to contact him. I would love to tell him to his face again to leave me alone but he doesn't seem to get it.

 

I am not being harassed but if he did start then H and i would decide what the best action would be to take.

 

Second chance.

If you read my post you would see H has been violent (and also had an affair He argues the term affair, of his own while we were trying to reconcile, I left that out).

 

Vulnerable

 

Not on your nelly am I thinking of having another affair.

Vulnerable, exposed and raw.

I was having a very tough week. i don't need to go into it unless you really need to hear it.

I do suffer with my conscience (and rightly so) he and I have a huge number of social events that we need to go to and everybody there that we would be socialising with are people who know all I did, plus we both have family weddings that means we will be with our families as a couple after all that has happened.

 

I just found last week really difficult dealing with this. This week I am positive and uncaring about their views because he and I are doing fantastically well.

 

his mother is also causing hassle for him regarding us and this weighed heavily as it is unfair the situation she is putting him in.

 

So Vulnerable as in easily upset and very hard on myself.

 

 

Anyway Om has not made anymore contact and maybe he realises that he can't.

 

Thanks again

 

 

Oh also Om showed huge disrespect for my family and my H (as I did with his W and family) when we had an affair. I have left him alone. By him contacting me he is showing no regard for my H and my kids.

That is/was why H is so angry.

[cherrymoon]

Bish

 

 

I bet you are a big softy that plays with puppies and picks flowers and writes poetry. I bet you and Darth Vader go moisturiser shopping together and ye both have man bags carrying lip balm and tissues.

 

 

Old ladies love ye because you carry their shopping for them.

Bet you cry watch the Notebook

 

 

 

Oh yeah you can run but you can't hide

[michelangelo]

Cherry moon, you are on the right track after a really crappy time.

 

I have a couple of suggestions on how to limit the ex-OM's attempts to contact you.

 

1. The obvious, change all your contact information and limit access to it better. email, facebook, instant messengers, etc.

 

2. Configure all of your email and instant messenging to route through your husband (for a time, not forever).

 

3. If he tries to contact you, only have your husband respond, but use some canned response you have written beforehand, insisting he not attempt contact anymore. And state that all contact attempts are logged and will be used to prosecute him as an internet stalker.

 

4. Every time possible, block his email contacts. If he changes his email address that he uses, keep blocking.

 

5. If items 3 and 4 do not get him to stop. Use the information you get from logging and saving the information and get a lawyer to send him a cease and desist letter.

 

6. If it continues, have the lawyer file a lawsuit against him and go after him.

 

AT NO POINT DO YOU DIRECTLY CONTACT HIM.

[bish]

Bish

 

 

I bet you are a big softy that plays with puppies and picks flowers and writes poetry. I bet you and Darth Vader go moisturiser shopping together and ye both have man bags carrying lip balm and tissues.

 

 

Old ladies love ye because you carry their shopping for them.

Bet you cry watch the Notebook

 

 

 

Oh yeah you can run but you can't hide

 

LOL, ya know. If I was an oversensitive Alert button nazi I could report this as the sarcastic, unecessary post.

 

And what the hell is "the Notebook"??

[cherrymoon]

Hi there,

 

I have a feeling OM has got the message but i will keep ye posted.

It is only a temptation to tell him to F off to his face. i won't do it.

 

Really guys I have been to hell and back, Paul MC Carthy and Heather Mills have no idea what a nasty break up can actually be.

 

I want my unit, I want my life back and most of all I want my Husband and I to be happy and safe.

He and I are on the same page on this one so we will be ok I hope.

 

I read out what bish said about my facebook and he laughed and said it is ok.

thing is he is a computer wizard I use his laptop and I haven't a clue how to use any of the settings, I have no interest.

So he can check up anything he wants too.

 

My 7 and 5yr old know more about the computer than i do.

I will ask him tonight if he wants my emails etc routed through his account.

 

Michelangelo, Thanks, I will gladly and whole heartedly offer him every way conceivable to understand I am not interested in any thing other than us being happy. Earning his trust back is something I truly desire.

 

 

Honestly I have no problem opening up my entire life to him. We never had secrets before my affair so to be honest I see it as being normal.

 

The Note book, is the ultimate chic flick love story. It is so sweet the DVD is sticky.

 

"LOL, ya know. If I was an oversensitive Alert button nazi I could report this as the sarcastic, unecessary post."

But you are not as I have obviously discovered.:o:o

You Bish are flattered that i have seen through your armoured self and discovered your big girlie side:rolleyes:.

As you read this your tears of happiness are washing away your face mask.

 

Ok i will stop GRRRRR you da man!!!

[bish]

I read out what bish said about my facebook and he laughed and said it is ok.

 

so I guess he won't be checking it any longer and doesn't need your password. So if he really thinks its ok, change your password and don't give it to him. Because if its "ok", then he doesn't need to access your FB any longer....does he?

 

 

"LOL, ya know. If I was an oversensitive Alert button nazi I could report this as the sarcastic, unecessary post."

But you are not as I have obviously discovered.:o:o

 

You Bish are flattered that i have seen through your armoured self and discovered your big girlie side:rolleyes:.

As you read this your tears of happiness are washing away your face mask.

 

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao: <--- there are the tears of happiness for ya;)

[cherrymoon]

Hey bish

 

Relax I am not stalking you.

 

H is on my facebook.

No I won't change my password as I have nothing to hide.

 

Here is my point. I am an adult, if i want to have another affair I can, If I want to contact OM or any man I can. Giving up facebook and anything else won't make a blind bit of difference. People had affairs in times when there was no technology. the thing is

 

I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER AFFAIR.

 

I 100% WANT MY HUSBAND AND MY KIDS.

 

I WANT TO WAKE UP EVERY MORNING AND BE ME, THE GOOD PERSON I USED TO BE, HIS WIFE, A MOTHER.

 

I DON'T WANT HURT OR LIES OR ANY MORE HURT IN THIS HOUSE.

 

I HAVE A SECOND CHANCE, I WANT IT.

 

I woke up everyday for 2 years and before my eyes fully opened I was crippled with the pain that I had caused my husband and my kids.

 

I spent my entire life looking after everyone around me I never in 32 yrs intentionally hurt anybody and suddenly I had become everything I had prided myself on not being.

 

I see the hurt in his eyes, I see my kids faces everyday in my head when he told them their mother had been F****** another man.

I see how he drank himself stupid.

I saw him hate me.

I stopped recognising myself in the mirror.

 

Today I sit with four happy bouncy kids, I met my H in town a few hours ago and as he saw me his face lit up and my heart melted just a little bit more.

As he kissed me hello and good bye I knew I am the luckiest person alive and for some reason I am allowed to have my life back.

 

I can't ever hurt him again. If we fail this it won't be because of another affair.

 

I feel disgusting, I spread my legs for someone who wasn't my husband.

I reduced myself to being a slut.

I want to like myself again.

I want to be a good mum

I want to be happily married.

I want to make amends.

 

So to do that I need to do two things.

I need to be honest and I need to respect my H.

Whatever he needs for him to feel respected and loved and to see my honesty he can whole heartedly have.

 

I lost nearly 4 stone, i stopped sleeping, I had panic attacks. I fell apart because of what I did. If I want to be selfish then I say this, I never want to hurt myself like that again.

 

Bish Things happened that need to be left in the past. Those things made me pay dearly for my selfish acts.

I don't want that again.

 

After my affair i had to move away.

 

 

I left my new life to try this one more time. I had a beautiful house, nice job, family close by, great social life, loads of friends (old dear friends) on my doorstep.

I had just got back on track when he asked me to come home. I wouldn't give that all up if i didn't love and want him. I wouldn't hurt my kids again.

 

I was the lowest of the low when i was having that affair but before that I was a good person and wife and mother, I want to be her again.

 

Sorry for rambling but I want this and I don't want to be posting this just for the sake of it. I post this because I mean it and I want your help and everybody elses help to make this work.

 

Thanks for being a pain in the arse, I hate it but you do make me think.

 

Remember cleanse, tone and moisturise:p

[bish]

Hey bish

 

Relax I am not stalking you.

 

mmm..hmmmm...

 

 

Giving up facebook and anything else won't make a blind bit of difference.

 

Sure, you don't need MS or FB to cheat. And I know you say your husband laughed and said it was "ok"(although why would he need to check it and have your user info if it was??), but if your H was bothered by it after cheating, wouldn't you give up something so silly because your M was more important to you than some silly internet fad?

 

 

 

he told them their mother had been F****** another man.

 

OUCH!! He really told them that? How old are your kids again?

 

My kids are too young. And I would never readily offer that information up about their mother. Believe me I want to, but what purpose would it serve?

 

But when they get older and they asked what happened, you better believe I'll tell them the truth. Then I'll drop it not to dwell on it again.

 

 

Today I sit with four happy bouncy kids, I met my H in town a few hours ago and as he saw me his face lit up and my heart melted just a little bit more.

As he kissed me hello and good bye I knew I am the luckiest person alive and for some reason I am allowed to have my life back.

 

Well thats good. And if you ever get those feelings of wanting another man and act on them, then someone needs to slap you upside the head to wake you up.

 

 

I can't ever hurt him again. If we fail this it won't be because of another affair.

 

And if things slip back into a comfortable state and you don't feel you are getting your "needs" met....then what?

 

 

I feel disgusting, I spread my legs for someone who wasn't my husband.

 

TAKE NOTE MODS!! She used this phrase, why can't I?

 

 

I reduced myself to being a slut.

I want to like myself again.

I want to be a good mum

I want to be happily married.

I want to make amends.

 

So to do that I need to do two things.

I need to be honest and I need to respect my H.

Whatever he needs for him to feel respected and loved and to see my honesty he can whole heartedly have.

 

I know he won't, but what if he said that you are to cancel all your internet chat and facebook accounts, and never go on a "girls night out" ever again? Not saying these are things he needs to do, but if it is a matter of "whatever it takes" I'm curious what you would draw the line at?

 

 

Sorry for rambling but I want this and I don't want to be posting this just for the sake of it. I post this because I mean it and I want your help and everybody elses help to make this work.

 

Thanks for being a pain in the arse, I hate it but you do make me think.

 

Remember cleanse, tone and moisturise:p

 

I don't moisturize because it makes my hair oily:mad:

[cherrymoon]

Hey:)

 

I don't think he does check, I don't know.

He is named on it as one of my friends and so he can see my stuff at anytime,just as I can his.

 

Absolutely I would give it up and anything else.

 

I made a plan that for the first year I lock myself down, no nights out with the girls etc.

 

He wouldn't hear of it but then again I don't go out with the girls unless it is for some sort of celebration. He is more than welcome to join me.

I went to my friends birthday dinner, he didn't go as he didn't feel like it. Other boyfriends went.

I have my sisters hen night in 3 weeks and he knows I hate those nights. I am arranging it for her and he is up to date with it.

Plus my family are very straight laced so I don't think he is worried, He was at a stag a couple of weeks ago up the country.

 

We have to move forward but it isn't always easy. My wings are clipped as they should be but honestly I am happy with him and a bottle of decent wine and a dvd.

I was always pee'd off with him as we never went out together and I am a firm believer that that is not the way to be. Now we socialise with each other and we are having a blast.

 

 

I sat down with my two teenage boys and I let them ask me anything they wanted about my affair. It was the worst thing I have ever put myself through but they really appreciated it and we have become really close and now they tell me when life is effecting them and weirdly they look after me now.

 

 

I hate to admit this but I have found it so hard to keep going at times because of what i have done. I realise that by taking the most selfish option I ruin my kids life. I have to deal with my own shame and disappointment in myself, in doing that I have to everyday go through the hurt i caused and the pain that lives on with my kids. (forget my H here for a moment he is an adult) My kids are my life I owe them, I have to become the person that I was in their eyes.

I have 4 kids altogether the other 2 were too young to understand what it all meant but it will hit them someday and i have to be prepared to deal with their dissapointment in me.

 

What happens when (IF) he doesn't meet my needs ?

 

Nothing I am an adult i deal with it and I get off my arse and I make myself happy. I get a hobby and if he doesn't listen well his lose but honestly another man, no.

I am 100% sure of this as I never want to be used and abused as I was by my affair. I never want to see that pain in my kids eyes and I never want to hurt the man who loved me enough to try again. I am adult enough now to realise that no relationship is perfect and that it takes constant work and patience.

 

I want to be happy and for that to happen I have to find it, it isn't his job to pamper to my every need.

 

thanks.

 

Only answer this if you are comfortable.

When you read this do you think it is well practiced BS or do you see that I am genuine, does it make you wonder if you were wrong to leave your Wife?

If that is too personal stick to talking about my failings and your beauty regime.

[jmargel]

By him contacting me he is showing no regard for my H and my kids.

That is/was why H is so angry.

 

Again, because this OM has NO loyalty to your husband, to you or your kids. He has nothing to lose by continuing to contact you, unless you put a restraining order against him. So the thoughts of your family to him means nothing. It never did. If it did he would have never had the affair with you to begin with.

 

Facebook or no facebook, that has nothing to do with the cheating. It's easy to cheat in this day of age. Trust is earned and it slowly needs to be earned back by BOTH of you. He cheated as well. He has also been abusive to you. So, he has ALOT to show you as well. This isn't just one sided. It's pretty obvious on why you cheated, due to the way your husband treated you.

 

You two do need marriage counseling, you won't get through this without it. Unless you goto marriage counseling you will notice over a period of time that things will slowly slip into the way they were before.

 

You also need to stop beating yourself up over it. You made a bad choice, that doesn't mean you are a bad person. If you concentrate on this one bad thing, then it's something that will run your life. You need to also focus on all the good things that are inside of you and your husband needs to recognize these good traits. He also needs to be working on his own problems as well.

[bish]

Only answer this if you are comfortable.

When you read this do you think it is well practiced BS or do you see that I am genuine

 

Well you certainly seem genuine, but only time will tell if you are to make good on honoring your vows.

 

 

does it make you wonder if you were wrong to leave your Wife?

 

 

What would be wrong about leaving a cheater?

[jmargel]

Each situation is different and each couple has their own boundaries that when crossed there is no resolution other than divorce. Personally if the person has a HISTORY of cheating then yes, divorce is the answer. However if overall the cheating person is a morally good person who made a poor decision due to bad circumstances or situation then there is ways to get passed this together and move on with a happy life with one another.

 

You can be a good person who made a poor choice. One poor choice does not make a person.

[cherrymoon]

Jmargel,

 

you are such a grounded man, I would imagine it is a complete pleasure to know you and class you as a friend.

 

I have read a lot of what you write and it always is clear and very humane.

Plus you were nice to me so there you go, I gotta be nice back.

 

I won't let my affair define me, my track record for the last 34 years has been really good, I fell off the pedestal my husband put me on.

It will take me time to forgive myself but I hope during that time I will rebuild a lot of who i was.

 

I know for my H to love me as he did I need to love myself and i do. I actually really like me and i have found a confidence and strength I never knew I had. However the dark days loom at times.

 

As H said to me last night, "I love you" and he thanked me for being so nice to him"

I told him i was falling in love with him.

We seem to be reinforcing our foundations and this gives me hope.

 

Counselling OMG we have had so much. We have had the best and the worst of them.

 

I have asked not go back again for a while. This may be the wrong choice but here is how it goes. They kill him and sympathise with me. He has beaten himself up so much over how he treated me at times, I know he hates what he has done and he has been in therapy himself for a while. He also needs to let go of his shame and forgive himself.

 

We are talking, all the issues that caused the affair have been brought to light during counselling now we need to put all we know into practice.

 

Honestly we have come leaps and bounds. I am not stupid enough to think we are sorted and happy ever after is here. We take one day at a time and about once every two weeks we have a barney and we manage somehow to resolve it before we fall asleep.

 

We have fantastic support systems in place and we have 4 amazing kids who are worth every bit of hard work.

I grew up in a fantastic family environment I want that for my gang.

 

As for Bish:mad::mad:.

;)Aka padantic pat.

Wrong as in, what if she could have proved her worth and her remorse and you two may have been able to work it out.

 

I don't know your story and I do understand couples boundaries etc but you seem to be softening out towards me and actually helping me.

I will gladly spend the rest of my married life updating you and proving that this lady is just that and the only man she is gonna spread her legs for is her husband. Oh and the doctor and that is a lady. Hey try everything once then you can say you don't like it:o

Joke Jeez relax big man:D

[bish]

Each situation is different and each couple has their own boundaries that when crossed there is no resolution other than divorce. Personally if the person has a HISTORY of cheating then yes, divorce is the answer. However if overall the cheating person is a morally good person who made a poor decision due to bad circumstances or situation then there is ways to get passed this together and move on with a happy life with one another.

 

You can be a good person who made a poor choice. One poor choice does not make a person.

 

But the question remains, what is wrong about someone not wanting to be with a cheater?

[bish]

As for Bish:mad::mad:.

;)Aka padantic pat.

Wrong as in, what if she could have proved her worth and her remorse and you two may have been able to work it out.

 

It doesn't matter. She is still a cheater, has proven herself to be unfaithful, and that isn't the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

 

A cheater isn't someone I want.

 

 

I don't know your story and I do understand couples boundaries etc but you seem to be softening out towards me and actually helping me.

I will gladly spend the rest of my married life updating you and proving that this lady is just that and the only man she is gonna spread her legs for is her husband.

 

 

You don't need to prove anything to me. Nor did my xW because it wasn't going to matter anyway.

 

She could have chosen to be faithful and wanted the marriage, but there was no way I was going to bother with working on a cheater, when I can move on with my life and put my efforts into someone I could give the benefit of the doubt.

[cherrymoon]

Your honesty is harsh but I respect it.

 

I hope you do find someone (maybe you have already) I hope your anger passes because anger can ruin everything.

 

Anybody can have an affair, Even those who swear they never will. That isn't me saying you will, not at all. millions of people don't.

 

There are no excuses for it. I look back on the place I was in that lead me to have an affair and it is so pathetic.

I wish I had learned that all I had to do was ask for help.

 

It won't make any sense to you because it doesn't to me. I know my affair saved my life but ruined it too. (that I know needs explanation, I was at my lowest and had lost all hope and confidence in him and myself)

 

I hate what I did, I hate looking back because when I do I feel that awful sense of desperation. All I had to do was tell my parents what was going on.

 

I read what you write and it hits a nerve. Am I a cheater for the rest of my life?

How do I change me and if I do do I lose what my husband loves about me.

I am a social butterfly, I am pleasant and funny, I am attractive and i do get attention (i don't mean that in a sexual sense, I mean that people are drawn to me male and female, I am missing my stage).

Do I need to change that, do I need to sit in a corner for the rest of my life so my husband doesn't worry?

 

We went to a work do (his) last week, he told me a few days later people were raving about how nice I was and how he should always bring me out.

 

I know I won't cheat again because it hurt way to much. It wasn't worth it and because I would rather be on my own than with another man.

 

Am I defined by my affair?

I was the best wife before the affair, am I ever going to be her again?

 

I feel crap today:confused:

[jmargel]

One bad choice does not define a person. If that were the case then we would all be pretty low.

 

If you can learn from your mistake then there was purpose behind what happened.

 

We all make mistakes, it's human nature. Yes some mistakes are more serious than others but like I said before learning from it is what the valuable part is.

 

Don't change who you are. If you do, you will become very depressed. It wasn't your outgoing personality that put you into the situation you got yourself in.

[Al_Bundy]

Anybody can have an affair,

 

Only the weak

[cherrymoon]

Hey there,

 

I am so confused and hurt.

 

I need a bit of mature advise, perspective, and clarity please.

 

I found porn on his laptop. Look I know this has been discussed a million times.

 

I am just all messed up in my head now.

Since day one I have asked him if he liked porn.

He has always said NO!.

 

Years ago when we were very young and together 2 years, We had really amazing sex in the sitting room we experimented in stuff that was way out there and it was fantastic, I fell asleep on the couch a while later I woke up to see him masturbating to some pictures in a magazine. I didn't over react at all but I was so upset.

I felt really ashamed of what we had just been doing and that even after that I wasn't enough.

I have over our time together asked him if he wanted to look at porn, would we look at it together all that.

I am really open about sex but honestly I hate porn, I kinda understand it but when I see it, I relate to it as a female and I fell very vulnerable (I don't know why)

 

We have a really good, vigorous and fun sex life.

I was sexually assualted a year ago and have become less sexually driven by it and do carry some issues but i have worked on them and although they are there it doesn't affect our intimacy that much.

 

We had a really amazing time the other morning and I felt like i had really crossed a bridge for myself, I was totally loved up and was actually on here about to post about how amazing he is how far we have come etc and I press something and I see a history and tiny pictures I click them as it is always pics of our kids. My girls are sitting next to me. I nearly died.

 

I am so confused, we fought about it only because he reacted to it in a guilty flippant manner and threw everything at me. You know the usual.

I knocked one out to some slut on the computer but you ****ed another man etc.

 

I also found photos (all clean) of his ex the girl he had an affair with while supposedly trying to work out our marriage last Christmas.

 

I have since found out that he has been looking at porn for years maybe once or twice a month.

One of the reasons I have stated for me giving up on our marriage, He spent more time on the computer than he did with me.

Now he tells me that yes when I was in bed upset because he had spent all evening and night on the computer that sometimes he was knocking one out while watching porn.

 

There are so many lies all small ones but all so important to me, to our relationship.

I feel that he does whatever he wants at whatever cost.

In what I found (which he was looking at last Saturday before we went away for the weekend)

He did with me the other night.

My head is spinning (we have sorted it out as best we can and we are talking but I am so sad and disappointed) I have images in my head of this other woman that he was with just as he has of me with OM but guys I have her, my attack and now this porn.

 

I have told him he can keep it, I don't believe I have any right to say what he can and cannot do.

I am really insecure about myself at the moment and this is adding to it.

 

I would like to understand Why he needs or wants it, why he lied for 15 yrs about it.

I am slim and fit, I have (well had) a high libido I never refuse unless I just can't which is rare and possibly twice in our entire relationship other than pregnancy.

 

I would just like someone to talk me through it. If I have to live with this then so be it (he says no way, he says he is so ashamed etc) I don't want him to be ashamed I just want to understand.

I bought a vibrator years ago as I never masturbated and really wanted to. I told him I was buying one I showed it to him and we used it together however he had a huge issue with it. This came up while he was being vile and throwing his guilt on me. I threw it away on Sunday, I never would have brought it into the house if he had told me he had issues.

 

I know I am rambling and I am sorry maybe this is the wrong forum, Sorry