I'm lonely

[Lucky_One]

You're a student on a campus? There should be all sorts of student activities taking place there.

 

The world is full of people, places and activities. You can meet people - but it is hard to do so sitting at a computer all night. Get out of your room, and go out and make a difference in your own life!

[rod_in_gtown]

Rod from Georgetown wrote about that thing. He said it was weird and awkward.

 

I was about to chime in. It was weird disorganized and sketchy... it sounds like a great idea until you actually go. I also had some aprehensions based on the approach the particular DC company approached their members so that also has something to do with it. these guys could be different.

[rod_in_gtown]

You're a student on a campus? There should be all sorts of student activities taking place there.

 

The world is full of people, places and activities. You can meet people - but it is hard to do so sitting at a computer all night. Get out of your room, and go out and make a difference in your own life!

 

Yeah! join a club! school is filled with them.

[shadowplay]

I was about to chime in. It was weird disorganized and sketchy... it sounds like a great idea until you actually go. I also had some aprehensions based on the approach the particular DC company approached their members so that also has something to do with it. these guys could be different.

 

Weird how?

[rod_in_gtown]

I love her too!

 

Yes, I've been hoping the attraction would grow. He treats me so well. Very classy guy. I enjoy talking to him. He's comfortable to be around. But I was sitting at dinner last night and I just kept thinking that I don't want to jump him. I don't have the urge to wrap my arms around him, kiss him, whatever.

 

I did that once. It really didn't work out. I didn't long to see her, and she was very much into me. plus she had a thing for guitar players / singers so she pretty much threw herself at me. I felt really bad not wanting to be with her.

[shadowplay]

I love her too!

 

Yes, I've been hoping the attraction would grow. He treats me so well. Very classy guy. I enjoy talking to him. He's comfortable to be around. But I was sitting at dinner last night and I just kept thinking that I don't want to jump him. I don't have the urge to wrap my arms around him, kiss him, whatever.

 

I've never actually been with let alone touched a guy whose bones I want to jump. I always settle for guys who I find sort of attractive. Maybe I'm just too picky, or guys don't like me.

 

Nevermind, I take that back. I was with one guy who I was not attracted to at first, then super attracted to, then not at all after we got together.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I did that once. It really didn't work out. I didn't long to see her, and she was very much into me. plus she had a thing for guitar players / singers so she pretty much threw herself at me. I felt really bad not wanting to be with her.

 

Yeah, that's kinda the way I feel right now.

[rod_in_gtown]

Weird how?

 

Here's my whole story with 8at8.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1829845#post1829845

[Isolde]

I hear you about being lonely in a new place... so'm I, and I can't just go out there and "make friends", plus I'm really busy blah.

 

What's this I hear about dating people one isn't at all attracted to? Doesn't make sense to me... maybe you should raise your standards shadow.

[shadowplay]

I hear you about being lonely in a new place... so'm I, and I can't just go out there and "make friends", plus I'm really busy blah.

 

What's this I hear about dating people one isn't at all attracted to? Doesn't make sense to me... maybe you should raise your standards shadow.

 

I've dated a number of guys purely for validation. Pretty f-d, no? And I'm talking full-fledged relationships here. I've sort of outgrown that phase. The guys I'm really crazy about intimidate me. I've only tried one time with a guy whose bones I wanted to jump and it failed miserably (which was weird because he's definitely not out of my league). Since then I've climbed back into my shell in regards to men, probably for good. I've concluded that whatever makes me fall for a guy also makes him less likely to feel the same way.

[pandagirl]

Shadow, I'm feeling lonely, too. Too bad all us lonely introverts don't live in the same area!

[rod_in_gtown]

Shadow, I'm feeling lonely, too. Too bad all us lonely introverts don't live in the same area!

 

I hear you. It's gotta be the weather. it's very rainy and cold here. most of the day was gray. I had a lot of attention from my friends today but now I'm home by myself, and it's kind of lonely here too. Feels like I'm in a holding pattern.

[Isolde]

I've dated a number of guys purely for validation. Pretty f-d, no? And I'm talking full-fledged relationships here. I've sort of outgrown that phase. The guys I'm really crazy about intimidate me. I've only tried one time with a guy whose bones I wanted to jump and it failed miserably (which was weird because he's definitely not out of my league). Since then I've climbed back into my shell in regards to men, probably for good. I've concluded that whatever makes me fall for a guy also makes him less likely to feel the same way.

 

Shadow:

I've had similar thoughts: that the least bit of interest on my part means the guy isn't interested by default.

 

And yes, same here: the guys whose bones I wanted to jump (heh) were only very, very mildly interested in me or not interested at all.

 

But the thing is: it's not about leagues. It's a numbers game. I really, really believe this. Should you be ridiculously picky on looks and attraction? no, of course not. Should you know what you want? YES, YES, YES.

[Lucky555]

I FEEL JUST LIKE YOU! I have the same exact thing going on....not to mention all my friends have boyfriends. They are in total lovey dovey modes! plus that adds to not having people to go party with cuz they are not looking or on the market so to speak.damn.

 

i'm here.

[shadowplay]

Shadow:

I've had similar thoughts: that the least bit of interest on my part means the guy isn't interested by default.

 

And yes, same here: the guys whose bones I wanted to jump (heh) were only very, very mildly interested in me or not interested at all.

 

But the thing is: it's not about leagues. It's a numbers game. I really, really believe this. Should you be ridiculously picky on looks and attraction? no, of course not. Should you know what you want? YES, YES, YES.

 

The weird thing is it's not even about looks. The guys I'm super attracted to a lot of other girls might not even notice. Yet there are so few guys I have that sizzling attraction to, and the ones I do are sort of arbitrary.

[shadowplay]

I FEEL JUST LIKE YOU! I have the same exact thing going on....not to mention all my friends have boyfriends. They are in total lovey dovey modes! plus that adds to not having people to go party with cuz they are not looking or on the market so to speak.damn.

 

i'm here.

 

Cool! Let's have a party.

 

OK, technically I have a boyfriend...but I'm not that crazy about him. My feelings toward him wax and wane. I feel just as lonely as I did without one. I need some girlfriends.

[Isolde]

The weird thing is it's not even about looks. The guys I'm super attracted to a lot of other girls might not even notice. Yet there are so few guys I have that sizzling attraction to, and the ones I do are sort of arbitrary.

 

No, I get you on that too... infact the rejection in my life that I was most hurt by, the guy wasn't that attractive... he was just really smart and good to talk to but didn't feel that chemistry with me.

[pandagirl]

Yeah it's not all about looks. Attraction only goes so far. Once there is initial attraction, who the person is has to carry the rest of the weight. Unfortunately, most people lack in character in what they make up with looks and unsavory personality traits!

[RecordProducer]

Hi, Shadowplay. I read all your posts in this thread and you sound a lot like me. I was also lonely in college and in a new environment. I did go out with people and had two great girlfriends, and I was still lonely. I think it's such a phase in life.

 

I can't tell you how to meet the right people. I don't think you need just any people, I think you need genuine friends with whom you can be yourself. I spent my youth feeling lonely regardless of whether I had friends or not, had fun or sat at home by myself.

 

I can tell you that the kind of person who is into reading and art will find later in life that the best company is - your own company. As you age, you start to appreciate the company of your family (later your kids, too), and your individual hobbies. You start to see spending time with people as a waste of time. You can have the small talk with anyone at anytime. It doesn't seem like you need that.

 

If I were you, I would turn into a completely different direction: try to inject some bigger sense into your life, to enrich it with unforgettable experiences. Volunteer for some organization for a couple hours a week instead of staring at your PC or watching TV. I am talking about direct contacts with people whose lives are not ordinary, not spreading fliers in the street. Just an idea. You might come up with a better one.

 

I think the human desire to socialize is rooted in our self-centered need for attention and validation, as you mentioned it yourself. If you find that validation in the things that you do, you will not need strangers in your life to fill up that hole. Also, don't underestimate the power of communicating with your close family members and old friends regularly. When I am down, I just crawl into my shell and close it. But when I am forced to speak with those who care about me, I always feel less lonely.

[Isolde]

Hi, Shadowplay. I read all your posts in this thread and you sound a lot like me. I was also lonely in college and in a new environment. I did go out with people and had two great girlfriends, and I was still lonely. I think it's such a phase in life.

 

I can't tell you how to meet the right people. I don't think you need just any people, I think you need genuine friends with whom you can be yourself. I spent my youth feeling lonely regardless of whether I had friends or not, had fun or sat at home by myself.

 

I can tell you that the kind of person who is into reading and art will find later in life that the best company is - your own company. As you age, you start to appreciate the company of your family (later your kids, too), and your individual hobbies. You start to see spending time with people as a waste of time. You can have the small talk with anyone at anytime. It doesn't seem like you need that.

 

If I were you, I would turn into a completely different direction: try to inject some bigger sense into your life, to enrich it with unforgettable experiences. Volunteer for some organization for a couple hours a week instead of staring at your PC or watching TV. I am talking about direct contacts with people whose lives are not ordinary, not spreading fliers in the street. Just an idea. You might come up with a better one.

 

I think the human desire to socialize is rooted in our self-centered need for attention and validation, as you mentioned it yourself. If you find that validation in the things that you do, you will not need strangers in your life to fill up that hole. Also, don't underestimate the power of communicating with your close family members and old friends regularly. When I am down, I just crawl into my shell and close it. But when I am forced to speak with those who care about me, I always feel less lonely.

 

These are good suggestions, but I'm not sure that introverted/artistic people necessarily have less of an intrinsic need for friendship... or that it's a waste of time. It depends on the circumstances. I always thought that my mostly introverted family and friends gained just as much or even more from good friendships than extroverted people I know. So yes, while alone time should always be savored, my opinion is that it never hurts to make new friends, some of which might end up adding something to your life.

[Brady_to_Moss]

I am from Mass

[RecordProducer]

These are good suggestions, but I'm not sure that introverted/artistic people necessarily have less of an intrinsic need for friendship... or that it's a waste of time. It depends on the circumstances. I always thought that my mostly introverted family and friends gained just as much or even more from good friendships than extroverted people I know. So yes, while alone time should always be savored, my opinion is that it never hurts to make new friends, some of which might end up adding something to your life.

I am very extreoverted. Yes, I agree that meeting new people is always good, because you'll end up meeting someone valuable sooner or later. I just think we are often able to correct the feeling of loneliness without relying on other people's readiness to socialize with us.

[Isolde]

I am very extreoverted. Yes, I agree that meeting new people is always good, because you'll end up meeting someone valuable sooner or later. I just think we are often able to correct the feeling of loneliness without relying on other people's readiness to socialize with us.

 

Yes, well put! Loneliness and the need for people are two entirely different things. The second is part of life, but the first doesn't have to be.

[RecordProducer]

Yes, well put! Loneliness and the need for people are two entirely different things. The second is part of life, but the first doesn't have to be.

Yes! I am currently kinda lonely and I just realized that I need to get a life. I don't have to make deep connections with people, but having some social fun will fill up that gap. I am going out tomorrow to dance, to receive some compliments from men who want to get in my pants, to get reminded that I am still a woman, to hear a few life stories, and a bunch of lies from nice guys who finish last.

[Nemo]

I need to get a life.

If you have a plan, then count me in.