daydreamerz Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Ok, so I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months, but we have known each other for about 4 years. We went to college together and were in the same major(which happened to have only about 10 students in it), so we had almost all of the same classes. He had a girlfriend though and we never really hung out outside of class until a couple of months before we graduated in May. During this time he complained to me a lot about the problems that he and his girlfriend were having and he started asking me to dinner or asking me to come over and watch movies with him. We started hanging out at least a couple nights a week and I felt really odd about it because I knew he was hiding the time we spent together from his girlfriend, but at the same time I was beginning to develop feeling for him and I found myself praying that he would break up with her for me. This went on for a couple of months, in which time I started getting really frustrated and started feeling like I was being used. Well, about a week after graduation he finally broke up with his girlfriend and that same week he came to visit me and we got together. I was a little bit concerned with how quickly we jumped into a relationship after he broke up with his girlfriend and was afraid that I was just the rebound girl and was worried that he wasn't completely over her. Even though I had my concerns everything went really smoothly for the first couple of months and I found myself really falling for him. For the last two months or so I have been feeling things completely change. I feel as though I hardly ever see him and that he just isn't making the effort to spend time with me. I understand that he is very busy, he works full time and then he is getting really into martial arts. He goes to 3 different places to take martial arts classes and goes 5 nights a week. He also is taking up drum lessons for one night a week and fencing classes for another night. I think that it is great that he has hobbies and is passionate about stuff, but on the other hand I feel as though he consistently choses those things over me. I usually only see him on Friday nights, and even then he usually doesn't come over to my place until around 8 and then goes to bed really early because he has a class the next morning and has to leave by 6 am. I understand wanting to have your own interests and hobbies, but am I being unreasonable when I feel as though he is putting me on the back burner. I would just completely end things, but the little time that I do spend with him, I really cherish. I'm just afraid maybe I care about him more than he cares about me, even though when we're together it doesn't really feel that way. I just find myself feeling as though I'm not getting enough out of him. I feel horrible asking him to give up any of the things he loves doing just so that he can spend more time with me, but this current arrangement just really isn't working for me. I'm not even sure how to bring up the topic though. Maybe he just really doesn't have the time for a relationship right now. Is it reasonable for me to be upset over this and should I talk to him about it. I just really don't want to come across as needy and I don't want him to feel obligated to give up something he enjoys doing for me.
oceangrl Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 How does he contact you throughout the week and how often? I would change it up--make it harder for him to see you. Start something that takes up your Friday nights and see how he reacts. If you make your Fridays busy, he'll need to work around his schedule and put in more effort to see you. Don't put in more effort than he does. If he doesn't make an effort to see you after you make your Fridays busy, then I would stop seeing him.
Krytie TV Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 orrr... instead of playing games you can tell him what you just told us. If he cannot accomodate you, it would seem there is little reason for you to invest any more than you already have.
preeya_WT Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 i totally agree with krytie instead of discussing it with anycone else work out things with him by talking to him, be his fren n talk to him bout all your doubts n face the reality look at things the way they are instead of lukin at them the way u want them to be, ask him whether he is really over with his ex relation, n tel him no matter wat the reply is u wil always b wid him n if he wants u can help him get over it but on one condition dat he shudtalk to u n dat too willingly.
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