feeling completely disconnected

[daydreamerz]

Ok, so I'm not even sure where to start. My whole life I have always felt disconnected from those around me to the point where I was abnormally shy and kept to myself all of the time. In elementary/middle school I had very few friends and just the thought of going to school everyday made me anxious. In high school in improved a little bit but I still was pretty introverted. I went off to college thinking it would be a chance to completely reinvent myself and start fresh, but freshman year I was a mess. I was so homesick and never thought I would make through the entire school year. Fortunately I stuck it out and ended up making several really amazing friends and by my last two years I was really starting to feel like I had found my niche and I was comfortable(or as comfortable as I can be) in my surroundings.

 

In May I graduated and just started a new job last month. I'm feeling like I completely regressed back to where I was Freshman year in college. Every time I approach a big life change(like going away to college, or graduating) I always feel like I can start over and at least fake being a confident, stable individual, but it always backfires. I've been feeling so alone lately and so worthless. One of my major issues I have always had is that I never feel good enough. I am extremely quiet because I always feel as though what I have to say is not important or not worth anything, even when no one has done anything to make me feel this way. I feel like my coworkers think I'm weird because I'm so quiet all of the time, but I don't know how to snap out of it, especially because I feel like that's what they expect from me know. I hate feeling like this. I feel like such a failure at everything I do and I feel as though I am always trapped in my own mind.

[superd]

That sounds deep. Like I mentioned in an earlier post of mine, I sometimes can't tell who is real or who is just fakin' on here. I guess what is real is what you can connect to in a heart felt way. I really don't "feel" you on this.

 

The only thing I can really advise you on is to not worry about those friends that you met in college. Perhaps they will come back to you one day.

Also, if a job is not working for you and you don't find that there is any "outlet" for communication, than find another one. Just remember to have a job lined up before you quit your current one and always give your two weeks notice.

 

In conclusion, don't feel you have to fake anything.

[daydreamerz]

That sounds deep. Like I mentioned in an earlier post of mine, I sometimes can't tell who is real or who is just fakin' on here. I guess what is real is what you can connect to in a heart felt way. I really don't "feel" you on this.

 

The only thing I can really advise you on is to not worry about those friends that you met in college. Perhaps they will come back to you one day.

Also, if a job is not working for you and you don't find that there is any "outlet" for communication, than find another one. Just remember to have a job lined up before you quit your current one and always give your two weeks notice.

 

In conclusion, don't feel you have to fake anything.

 

First of all, I don't know where you got the impression from my post that I'm not still close with my college friends, I am. Secondly, I don't know what you found "fake" about my post. Maybe I'm not good at expressing accurately the way I feel, I never really have been, and it's especially hard to do on an internet forum, but I tried to explain how I feel as best as I could. I don't really know what else to say. I came here because I wanted constructive advice about my problem, not to be accused of somehow being fake.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Have you looked into Asberger's Syndrome? (I think I spelled that right, but I've got a squiggly red line beneath it, lol)

 

Awkwardness in social situations is common with the syndrome, a form of autism. I have a friend who is diagnosed, and he's slammin' charming online, but get him in person and he's awkward, withdrawn, quiet, disconnected...

 

No big deal to those who adore him.

 

Just a suggestion, might offer some answers if you identify with it. I don't know how they go about diagnosing, and I don't know that there's any medication that cures it, but anxiety meds might help ease it.

[Gold Pile]

If your employer has been paying you for 5 months then they find you to be a good enough worker. So don't feel like a failure there.

 

Every introvert seems to think they're the only ones this way. There are so many millions of them that they had to coin the word. You are just a classic example of one of the personalities that make up and contribute to this world.

 

Ease up on yourself, if there is one person on your side...it needs to be you.

 

You will grow. Maybe you'll never be an extrovert but you'll grow.

[msundrstood]

Hey, I know how you feel. I dont feel like I have very much in common with most of the people I know. I'm introverted and also dont talk alot because I dont feel like what I have to say is very important. But on the other hand, I dont feel like what most of the people I'm around have anything important to say either. But they dont seem to mind, they talk anyway, I guess just to be talking. So most likely what you have to say is just as interesting as what most people have to say. I guess for me, I just have this need for stimulating conversation that most people that I happen to be around most of the time just cant give, maybe because we dont have anything in common. I think I just need to go somewhere and find people that I actually have things in common with but its not that easy, I dont know where these people are. Well this probably didnt help you much but Good luck anyway.

[seamaid]

I can relate to this too. In fact my college years were almost a disaster because I was so reserved, kept to myself, and hardly made any friends. I had very low self esteem.

 

I still find it difficult to date or even call my best friends on the phone, because I feel I need to be 'more interesting' and I'm never good enough. Also, I have a bad habit of making negative comparisons. Perhaps you are like me and perfectionist to a fault?

 

Like you, I'm moving to a new city soon, and I want to make the best of it. You know what DOESN'T get you the results you want (your old behavior). So the only solution is to try something new that does work, like smile more often, or not take life too seriously. You might have to fake some of it, until it becomes more natural, or until you're rewarded with positive results. Just small steps. Conscious steps.

 

You might also benefit from more meaning in your life. A lot of shy women become the person they've always wanted to be after childbirth, because motherhood gives them a 'reason' to do whatever it takes. I don't mean to suggest getting pregnant!, but rather... find that trigger that inspires and empowers you. For me, it helps to hear my mother talk about how happy she'd be if my life were to go really well. It helps me to get out of myself, and see that every little thing I do every day can hugely impact someone whose happiness means a lot to me.

 

*

 

It also makes all the difference to know why you are the way you are, and to know that you're not alone. You're not weird or strange. You might be a rare personality type, very idealistic and introverted, thus 'detached'. Perfectly normal. There are millions like you, but there are billions that are not like you. You need to reach out to the millions that are like you, people you feel connected to.

 

Personally, when I got into Myers-Briggs Personality testing and began to study how different personalities function, it gave me a way to 'connect' better. I began to understand why I felt like an ugly duckling around the other ducks. It was because I was a swan who needed to find other swans (though they are rare). I mean, it's not so simple like that, obviously, since with Myers-Briggs, there's 16 different personality types, but my point is the disconnection might be a matter outside of yourself, not necessarily a problem with YOU.

 

Sorry for such a long rambling reply, but I hope it helps!

[foreverlove06]

That sounds deep. Like I mentioned in an earlier post of mine, I sometimes can't tell who is real or who is just fakin' on here. I guess what is real is what you can connect to in a heart felt way. I really don't "feel" you on this.

 

The only thing I can really advise you on is to not worry about those friends that you met in college. Perhaps they will come back to you one day.

Also, if a job is not working for you and you don't find that there is any "outlet" for communication, than find another one. Just remember to have a job lined up before you quit your current one and always give your two weeks notice.

 

In conclusion, don't feel you have to fake anything.

 

Hmm, I strongly disagree with this post.

Regardless of whether or not you "feel" her on this topic doesn't mean she isn't saying how she feels. I'm not sure where you are coming from with your response. What motivation would she have for coming to an anonymous forum and lying about how she feels disconnected? Isn't this the place to do such things? She never mentioned that she lost touch with her college friends. Telling her to leave her job because there is no "outlet for communication" is wrong also-- So, apparently, you are telling her to just leave anything that is difficult in her life? She has to work at it, not just give it up... You're not helping her, you're accusing her of creating a "fake post". Not trying to be mean, just kinda annoyed.. Sorry.

[foreverlove06]

Ok, so I'm not even sure where to start. My whole life I have always felt disconnected from those around me to the point where I was abnormally shy and kept to myself all of the time. In elementary/middle school I had very few friends and just the thought of going to school everyday made me anxious. In high school in improved a little bit but I still was pretty introverted. I went off to college thinking it would be a chance to completely reinvent myself and start fresh, but freshman year I was a mess. I was so homesick and never thought I would make through the entire school year. Fortunately I stuck it out and ended up making several really amazing friends and by my last two years I was really starting to feel like I had found my niche and I was comfortable(or as comfortable as I can be) in my surroundings.

 

In May I graduated and just started a new job last month. I'm feeling like I completely regressed back to where I was Freshman year in college. Every time I approach a big life change(like going away to college, or graduating) I always feel like I can start over and at least fake being a confident, stable individual, but it always backfires. I've been feeling so alone lately and so worthless. One of my major issues I have always had is that I never feel good enough. I am extremely quiet because I always feel as though what I have to say is not important or not worth anything, even when no one has done anything to make me feel this way. I feel like my coworkers think I'm weird because I'm so quiet all of the time, but I don't know how to snap out of it, especially because I feel like that's what they expect from me know. I hate feeling like this. I feel like such a failure at everything I do and I feel as though I am always trapped in my own mind.

 

I wish you truly knew how much you are like me so that you wouldn't feel so alone in this. I feel your pain.

 

I have suffered from social anxiety, generalized anxiety, and extreme introversion my entire life to the point that people have actually asked me "Are you mute?", and they were serious.

 

I've never involved myself with many people. Looking back I have to admit it's improved, but it's hard to say.. It's slowly SLOWLY SLOWLY improving as my life progresses, but its at such a slow rate, most of the time I fail to notice that I actually AM better than I was, although still bad on the spectrum of it. I struggle everyday to pull myself out of my own little bubble. I am perfectly normal when I am around my family, bestfriend, a few other close friends, or my boyfriend. But put me in a room of strangers or aquaintances, and I will have no voice unless I FORCE myself to say something. But I know what you mean about being "trapped in your own mind"... when I try to tell others who don't have this problem, they don't get what that means. It's like there is a barrier between my cognitive abilities and my vocal chords. For some reason, there is a mental block when I want to say something around people I dont know. And it doesn't even have to be around people I don't know, If I am not 100% comfortable around someone, chances are I won't speak unless spoken to. In highschool, I probably talked to grand total of 3 people. I recieved the award for "Most shy" (Um, NOT an honor), People percieved me as being snobbish, but I'm so far from that, I just couldn't show anyone how I really was! I was miserable. It's not that I am just too shy to say something, thats only partially the problem-- Its also that I have nothing to say even if I wanted to say something!

 

Like you, I am terrified over changes in life. Whenever I start a new job, new college, whatever, it takes me forever to get readjusted. I am currently in college and have to say, I don't talk to many people... They all can see that I am ridiculously shy, but I have found a way to make it seem like I am at least interested in knowing them even if I am really introverted. I forced myself to ask questions, sit with them, be a part of their group. Ironically, my major requires having high intrapersonal/interpersonal skills... I've had my job for 4 years (its a crappy one just to get through school...) and I don't talk to many of my coworkers, only a select few who've I've grown close to.

 

I have actually considered (as someone already mentioned..) that I might have aspergers or slight autism of some kind. But, I know that's not true because I am very capable of having/keeping relationships, and completely expressing myself with the close people in my life. If I had aspergers, my disconnection would be evident in all relationships that I have. I am currently on zoloft for anxiety/social anxiety, and ativan for when I feel like my heart is about to explode from being so anxious. It helps significantly, please consider trying it. I'm not a fan of taking medication, but you know what?... Whatever gets me through the day in one piece. I'll never be the extrovert, but you have to work with what you have, make the best of it, even when it hurts...

 

Superd, I'm just curious, Was this fake?