tomtom26 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Going into NC is by far the best thing to do. I've learned this in the past couple of weeks. My ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago, and I went into complete NC. I decided that I wasn't going to block her or delete her off my IM, so she has contacted me a few times.........I've been very very brief with her, and the conversation (if you wanna call it that) faded. I have NEVER initiated contact with her, except today. I IM'd her to wish her a happy birthday. She messaged me last week to do the same. I was contemplating whether to do it or not, and if she hadn't the week before, I probably wouldn't have either. However, I did. I was doing so well, felt like I was gaining control over my feelings in the past couple of weeks. SHE was contacting me, I was brief and things were on my terms. Don't get me wrong, everytime she contacted me, I was so happy, I even wanted to her to contact me more and more. It made me feel pretty good. She was still thinking about me!! But let me tell you, once you contact them and you still have feelings for them, you go crazy all over again. It was only an hour ago that I IM'd her and said Happy Birthday! I said I hope she's doing well and hope she enjoys her bithday weekend. She exchanged the same sentiments and that was it. But reaching out to her for the first time really set me back a bit. I am feeling that "no control emotion" again. Even though it was such an innocent exchange (I didn't beg, I didn't look needy, I didn't ask about anything she was doing), it still felt like I was being rejected. It brought back feelings I had slowly been getting rid of over the past few weeks. So my advice to all of you out there thinking about NC or thinking about breaking it: NC is by far the best thing you can do. The amount of control and stability it gives your life is really priceless. It hurts and hurts and it is so HARD!!! I can't tell you how many times I just wanted to text her or call her just to hear her voice or to tell her I miss her..........but I stopped myself because I knew nothing good would come from it. I've also came to a realization that no matter how your situation has folded out, your girl will come back only if she wants to. There is absolutely nothing, and I mean, nothing you can do to make her come back. Doing NC helps her see the reasons why she was with you in the first place, but it doesn't change her thought process. Go into NC, get on with your life. If she comes back, great (if that is what you want..........you'd be surprised how much your objective thought process kicks in after you get over the emotional hurricane). If she doesn't come back, in the least, you have moved on with your life. NC will help wit that, I absolutely guarantee it. Remember what I said though, it will probably be one of the hardest if not the hardest thing you'll do in your life. See it as a challenge to yourself. Endure the pain and the hardship because it will pay off. I know many are faithless when it comes to this, and all you can think about is your relationship and your girl, but just try it for a few weeks, and you'll understand why it works and not to get your girl back, but to get you back. I finally understand that now and hopefully others will soon be on their way. Keep it up guys and stay strong. You're not the only one!!!
selena_cat Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Thanks for that insight and experience,i definately wont break NC,i cant no matter how much i want to.
winter Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I've been doing NC with my exgf since June. The first month was the worst. When you feel tempted to contact her, do something else, anything else. The urge usually passes after a few hours. If you are feeling really, really tempted, wait 24 hours. If you still feel the strong urge to contact her, wait another 24 hours. Doing this got me through some really tough times.
9Lives Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 i agree with this thread and it hurts but contacting the ex hurts more. I miss him alot but then I cant stand what he has done to let me down. He tried to contact me but it was so weak that I didnt entertain it. I want him to love me and be my man so I dont need to have anything to do with him. He was not treating me as good as I should be so I cant go back to less than I deserve. He broke up with me and I said okay. No fighting cause I loved him but not how he does me so it was good. I am keeping me moving on cause I dont want to live that way anymore.
EmperorR Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I'm on day eight of no contact and man is it hard. So many times I just wantgo call just want to ttxt but I can't. Now I know his hard it is for people To give up cigarettes etc. I still think of her alot but when I feel the urge to contact I keep telling myself she knows my number she knows my email I will not just be a friend keep it moving.
HopeDiesLast Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 this is the second time ive been in no contact for a month. the last time i broke it and it got me nowhere. this time i dont plan on it. but why dont i feel better?
northstar1 Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 this is the second time ive been in no contact for a month. the last time i broke it and it got me nowhere. this time i dont plan on it. but why dont i feel better? because it's still early, and you are still hurting from the breakup. it takes time.
HopeDiesLast Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 thanks northstar. this **** blows. it really does. i hate feeling helpless.
unknown815 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 i have such an urge to break the NC and write this long complex email. And yes we have a long complex situation that i have posted http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t165408/ In short - the guy i have been on and off with for 7 years and is the father of my one year old daughter left me 2 months today and started seeing someone 2 weeks later. I have did crazy texting, hate emails, love emails, calls and so on the fist few weeks. I have had NC (other than the our daughter) in 10 days and have been acting like i am great. I am 26 and he is 28. we are not children here. I feel like if i get into our past and do one make one more serious attempt that i can open his eyes a little. Is this crazy? can this work? am i setting myself up for rejection..My god, its hard...
audrey_1 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Probably the best post I could read right now. Yes, it's very hard. His birthday is coming up, and I wondered today if I should text him on that day or let it go. I should probably just let it pass. He is seeing someone else, and it's not up to me to wish him a happy anything. What bugs me is that I was strong before he came along, and now I feel weak. It's very important to get ME back. I can't believe I was blind to the signs that I was a "Ms. Right Now."
shm772 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I am going nuts!!! our break up came so sudden and unexpectedly. I am in NC but I have been so tempted to call her. my heart is telling me to call and plead my case. i havent but i cant stop thinkin about her. its 2 weeks now , i need relief. i am up a 3:30 every mornin i feel if i call i can fix it. i miss her so much. this NC thing is brutal.. HELP!!!
9Lives Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I know Iam doing to right thing so Im staying NC. It is just going to have to hurt .
HopeDiesLast Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 i always get to a month and panic. its like the pain is all i had left of him. and here i am trying to let go, and for some reason, its like i dont want to let go of the pain. what the hell is wrong wtih me? it would be so stupid to call or text him....but im dying to.
shm772 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 i broke and text her "can we talk" i feel so stupid what should i do now?
Sysyphus28 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 The pain is all we have left. And some pictures and letters. Once the pain is gone they are truly gone. I havn't let go yet. I miss her boisterous laugh. This time. In this situation. I will have the last laugh. I just joined a martial arts academy to emphasize discipline in my life. "love is discipline" ---scott peck
audrey_1 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Just got an email from my mom that says, "How's my baby doing this morning?" She must have a 6th sense about me. I'm having one of those tougher days. *sigh* Day 5
SRV Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 i have such an urge to break the NC and write this long complex email. And yes we have a long complex situation that i have posted http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t165408/ In short - the guy i have been on and off with for 7 years and is the father of my one year old daughter left me 2 months today and started seeing someone 2 weeks later. I have did crazy texting, hate emails, love emails, calls and so on the fist few weeks. I have had NC (other than the our daughter) in 10 days and have been acting like i am great. I am 26 and he is 28. we are not children here. I feel like if i get into our past and do one make one more serious attempt that i can open his eyes a little. Is this crazy? can this work? am i setting myself up for rejection..My god, its hard... I am in a similar situation, but only that I am a guy. Broke up with my ex a week ago, we have a daughter together. She has the NC on me, she will not even let me know how my daughter is doing. I had a suspicion that she was seeing someone else. I texted her, emailed her but all in vain. I just want to know that my daughter is fine.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 i broke and text her "can we talk" i feel so stupid what should i do now? You texted her "can we talk" Now what........you feel like a dishrag and you are at her whim and mercy. If she decides to even contact you back, you get to feel the rejection of getting dumped all over again.... If she doesn't call you back you get to feel the rejection of her telling you to F off by not calling you back. Its not like she accidently lost your cell phone and didn't get the text. She is going to choose to look at the text you sent her and then choose to say "F-you" by not calling you. It is a lose-lose situation that makes me feel like a total loser. I have broke I know. I wanted to "talk" about "things". The conversation sucked, and I ended saying a bunch of mushy stuff that I thought would make her feel something!! ANYTHING. She was acting like a cyborg...so Man-Up bro'.............and trust me I'm not tough guy. I am on loveshack.org whining to a bunch of people I don't know. But it is giving me strength and helping me through this bull&^8*.
EmperorR Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I hate it almost a month and I still think of her grr. Ten days nc at least I know she doenst care.
CherishG Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 I hate it almost a month and I still think of her grr. Ten days nc at least I know she doenst care. Hang in there EmperorR, u and me, I think both got our hearts crushed around the same time because it's been a month for me as well. Judging by all ur posts this past month, u have given me hope that there are still good guys out there. guys who love so unconditionally, so patiently and for that, u should be extremely proud. Your ex gf is at a major loss and I'm 110% sure that ur next gf will definitely be a major winner!!!
Sysyphus28 Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Hang in there! 11 days for me. I think about her in the morning when I wake up, if I've had a few beers for sure. I miss her no doubt. But she is a piece of s*** for what she has put me through. I am not going to chase her and chase her with letters and phone calls. Even one letter is too much(then I have created an expectation) What will she write back? Will she write back? F-that. I feel like crap, but that feeling of expectation from your ex...........is so much worse!
northstar1 Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Hang in there! 11 days for me. I think about her in the morning when I wake up, if I've had a few beers for sure. I miss her no doubt. But she is a piece of s*** for what she has put me through. I am not going to chase her and chase her with letters and phone calls. Even one letter is too much(then I have created an expectation) What will she write back? Will she write back? F-that. I feel like crap, but that feeling of expectation from your ex...........is so much worse! So very true. Sending out contact to an ex often makes you feel even worse than had you kept silence. The waiting for a reply is slow torture, and rarely, if they do reply, does it make us feel any better. It ends up leaving us with more questions, and few answers. And if they do reply, you end up with a vicious cyle of then wanting to contact them again. That expectation can leave us frozen in time.
RogueAC Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Last night I walked to my favorite cafe a few blocks from my house. As I am about to step in, I see the ex’s very distinct car parked out front. I decided not to go in and walked to a different restaurant. I could tell that I wasn’t ready to break NC because even just seeing his car had my stomach in knots. Ye-ouch.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 So very true. Sending out contact to an ex often makes you feel even worse than had you kept silence. The waiting for a reply is slow torture, and rarely, if they do reply, does it make us feel any better. It ends up leaving us with more questions, and few answers. And if they do reply, you end up with a vicious cyle of then wanting to contact them again. That expectation can leave us frozen in time. "frozen in time" Thats where we all are right now. Can't get our brains out of the past and we are dealing with the disbelief of how WE are being treated. Here are some common things I reflect on then GET OVER everyday: "But i thought you loved me?" "WHat happened to forever?" "I thought I was the one?" Then I think of "the other guy" kissing her and etc. It always snaps me back into reality. THE NOW of the situation. Read whatever quotes or books you want,listen to all the "you need to exercise advise" you need to, this hurts and will continue to hurt BAD. Think about calling your ex right now. Listening to thier dis-passionate(rolling thier eyes)tone towards you. Like you are nothing. Like you can help feeling like toilet paper. These ex's do not want to deal with our pain and suffering. No one wants to take responsibility for their negative actions. They will just keep justifying it to themselves that they did the right thing. Here is the challenge for you......accepting that they may have.
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