gummybear Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Anyone have any experience with meeting someone from online and going on one date and then just becoming friends? And I mean like just normal friends without drama...I just want an extra person to hang out with when I'm bored. Maybe if I just see him like once every 2-3 weeks I should be fine. Normally I'd just ignore the guy if I don't want to date him but I'm in this new city and I have no friends so I'm trying to get an extra friend. How do I keep it drama-free and fun? Do these freindships ever last?
Author gummybear Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 Someone please respond. I'm super bored at work.
Yamaha Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 They last as long as you both are unattached. When 1 of you finds someone you would rather be with so goes the friendship of convience.
Frankasy Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Anyone have any experience with meeting someone from online and going on one date and then just becoming friends? And I mean like just normal friends without drama...I just want an extra person to hang out with when I'm bored. Maybe if I just see him like once every 2-3 weeks I should be fine. Normally I'd just ignore the guy if I don't want to date him but I'm in this new city and I have no friends so I'm trying to get an extra friend. How do I keep it drama-free and fun? Do these freindships ever last? From what you just said you act as if you have very few friends and meeting people on the internet and than in real life is the only solution. Find an extra person to hang out with at work, open a Facebook account and reconnect with old friends. Internet people don't really seem like the solution for your problem.
carhill Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 It'll blow up, mostly for him, the former pimply-faced, awkward shy guy..... just my instinct. Hang out for awhile and prove me wrong
Author gummybear Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 From what you just said you act as if you have very few friends and meeting people on the internet and than in real life is the only solution. Find an extra person to hang out with at work, open a Facebook account and reconnect with old friends. Internet people don't really seem like the solution for your problem. I've reconnected with one old friend from facebook and we're kinda becoming friends and hang out once in awhile. The rest either I don't like enough to want to hang out with or I've asked maybe 2 people to hang out with and they don't seem too interested. I'm pretty shy/awkward which is why it's hard for me to make friends in real life. I also just moved here and have to start making friends from scratch. It normally takes me awhile for that. No luck making friends to hang out with at work either.
Frankasy Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I've reconnected with one old friend from facebook and we're kinda becoming friends and hang out once in awhile. The rest either I don't like enough to want to hang out with or I've asked maybe 2 people to hang out with and they don't seem too interested. I'm pretty shy/awkward which is why it's hard for me to make friends in real life. I also just moved here and have to start making friends from scratch. It normally takes me awhile for that. No luck making friends to hang out with at work either. Oh ok I see. Well try it, I'm not against it. If you feel more capable of making friends online go ahead. It's just that you can't really see who's behind the screen, they might type whatever they want but that won't show their true personality. Good luck with that.
D-Jam Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Anyone have any experience with meeting someone from online and going on one date and then just becoming friends? And I mean like just normal friends without drama...I just want an extra person to hang out with when I'm bored. Maybe if I just see him like once every 2-3 weeks I should be fine. Normally I'd just ignore the guy if I don't want to date him but I'm in this new city and I have no friends so I'm trying to get an extra friend. How do I keep it drama-free and fun? Do these freindships ever last? If you haven't gone on a dating site yet looking for friends, then don't. I've been in debates about this before, but I think it's ridiculous for people to join sites like PlentyofFish or Match under the idea of looking just for pals and friends. Most people join those sites to find dates, lovers, relationships, and/or sex. I know as a guy I'd steer clear from the "looking for friends" women simply because I'm on there looking for more than friends. My suggestion is to try sites like meetup.com and such. Social sites that are about meeting people, making friends, networking, etc. Go out and do things that interest you and find like-minded people. I will forewarn you though that some of the people are still there treating it like a dating site...so don't be surprised if an occasional guy is trying to get you to date him. Dating sites in my opinion aren't a good idea if you're looking for "just friends". Plus they can't help you meet people of your own gender if you want that.
Author gummybear Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 It'll blow up, mostly for him, the former pimply-faced, awkward shy guy..... just my instinct. Hang out for awhile and prove me wrong I'm pretty sure he was exaggerating. I was the one who told him first that I've been shy and socially awkward all my life, and he said he's the same. I would never had known because he comes off as smart, confident and besides he's tall and very good-looking. He probably said it just to seem like he's got something in common with me. If he WAS an awkward shy guy, then I would prob liked him. Both my exes were somewhat of the shy awkard type and I feel like I connect with them because I'm the same way. I also find those type of guys to be adorable and it seems only that type gives me the fuzzy feeling
D-Jam Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 OK...I had an extra thought but I can't seem to edit my other reply... Maybe if I just see him like once every 2-3 weeks I should be fine. Normally I'd just ignore the guy if I don't want to date him but I'm in this new city and I have no friends so I'm trying to get an extra friend. How do I keep it drama-free and fun? Do these freindships ever last? I think if he wasn't into you in a dating sense after that one date, then I wouldn't worry. Just be his friend and be there for him as much as he is there for you. Do not use him as a boyfriend substitute or as a crying blanket.
Author gummybear Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 If you haven't gone on a dating site yet looking for friends, then don't. I've been in debates about this before, but I think it's ridiculous for people to join sites like PlentyofFish or Match under the idea of looking just for pals and friends. Most people join those sites to find dates, lovers, relationships, and/or sex. I know as a guy I'd steer clear from the "looking for friends" women simply because I'm on there looking for more than friends. My suggestion is to try sites like meetup.com and such. Social sites that are about meeting people, making friends, networking, etc. Go out and do things that interest you and find like-minded people. I will forewarn you though that some of the people are still there treating it like a dating site...so don't be surprised if an occasional guy is trying to get you to date him. Dating sites in my opinion aren't a good idea if you're looking for "just friends". Plus they can't help you meet people of your own gender if you want that. Well I WAS on the site to look for dating and my ad said that I'm looking for someone special. Me and this guy were going towards that but when I met him I just don't feel it. But since I have no friends I figured it would be better to keep him as a friend rather than to ignore him since I need more friends anyway.
manugeorge Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 D-Jam is correct, try meet-up.com if there is one in your area because it allows you to find friends that you actually have things in common with. You can do these activities/hobbies together while you hang out and get to know one another and branch out from there. And there are tons of meet-up groups that afford you the chance to pick up new hobbies so you are not just stuck with things you already do. Most of the folks who join meet-ups are also new in town so that's another thing you will have in common. E-harmony, match.com etc are geared towards dating and not so much platonic friendships.
Author gummybear Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 D Jam and Manu -- thanks for the tips. I'm checking out these meetup sites and they are pretty cool! =)
carhill Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I'm pretty sure he was exaggerating. I was the one who told him first that I've been shy and socially awkward all my life, and he said he's the same. I would never had known because he comes off as smart, confident and besides he's tall and very good-looking. He probably said it just to seem like he's got something in common with me. If he WAS an awkward shy guy, then I would prob liked him. Both my exes were somewhat of the shy awkard type and I feel like I connect with them because I'm the same way. I also find those type of guys to be adorable and it seems only that type gives me the fuzzy feeling Smart and confident are dating faces. A person's real insecurities come out when intimacy begins to develop. Sometimes it can be a shocker. Help me understand why a person who is smart and confident would lie and say they were not prior if in fact they had never been that way and, further, what would that say about them that they'd make up a convenient lie to facilitate you feeling more "comfortable" with them. Is that some sort of psych game? I know I've had women fake like they were interested in me and interests I've had and, upon discovery, led to resentment and dismissal. Very annoying. Just trying to figure out where you're going here. How about picking up some friends through common interests and not even playing the dating vs platonic game?
Author gummybear Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 Smart and confident are dating faces. A person's real insecurities come out when intimacy begins to develop. Sometimes it can be a shocker. Help me understand why a person who is smart and confident would lie and say they were not prior if in fact they had never been that way and, further, what would that say about them that they'd make up a convenient lie to facilitate you feeling more "comfortable" with them. Is that some sort of psych game? I know I've had women fake like they were interested in me and interests I've had and, upon discovery, led to resentment and dismissal. Very annoying. Just trying to figure out where you're going here. How about picking up some friends through common interests and not even playing the dating vs platonic game? Oh wow this all sounds so complicated. I dunno, I'll hang out with him for now and if he stops being fun for whatever reason then I'll just get out. These meetup sites are pretty cool though. I wonder which ones I should join though hehe...
reservoirdog1 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 It definitely can work, but only if there's a mutual agreement that "sparks didn't fly". About four years ago, I went on a date with a woman I met online. We'd talked a lot on the phone and really clicked in that way. The date was fine, but nothing spectacular. We made tentative plans to get together again in a quasi-date situation. Shortly before that happened, she called me and said that a guy she'd been dating and thought things were over with had called her, she wanted to look into it, and it wouldn't be fair to go on a date with me. However, she said she really liked talking to me and hoped we could stay friends. I was fine with that; I'd rather have more friends than fewer, and I wasn't feeling that vibe either. Anyway, a week or so later she called me and asked for my opinion on her situation with that other guy. We ended up talking for a few hours, meeting up, and spending the day hanging out together. Towards the end of the evening we made out briefly, but nothing else physical ever happened after that. In any event, we became quite close friends for a couple of years, we both dated other people and hung out together on weekends. Lots of good times. We've drifted apart in the last two years or so but still hear from each other occasionally.
D-Jam Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 D Jam and Manu -- thanks for the tips. I'm checking out these meetup sites and they are pretty cool! =) I love it. Art appreciation people, people to watch soccer with, photography groups, drum circle. Fun times.
Star Gazer Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 I used Match when I first moved to LA and met a guy...went on a couple dates, but we just didn't have that *spark.* We're still friends.
Legend Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 star if you're in LA You still owe me that date
Author gummybear Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 He's full of it. ???? Bored.
Legend Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Guys don't just stay friends with girls, it just doesn't happen.
Author gummybear Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 Guys don't just stay friends with girls, it just doesn't happen. Meaning????
carhill Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 He's trying to say that *most* men pump em or dump em. There is no middle ground. Very few men stick their parts back between their legs and turn into a girlfriend. This is especially true of good looking men who have options. Why would they waste their time being your girlfriend when they could be out banging another woman? Sorry if that sounds harsh but that's how things work most of the time. As a former "girlfriend", I heard such stories, imbued with various pejoratives regarding men, from women for years. Let me turn it around. If you wanted to jump a guy and he just wasn't having any of it and wanted you to be "friends" and you had other options, because you're quite an attractive lady, how much of your time and energy would he really get as a friend? I'll bet a little, out of boredom, at least until you hooked up with another guy. Then you'd forget his name, right? Right.
Yamaha Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 If you wanted to jump a guy and he just wasn't having any of it and wanted you to be "friends" and you had other options, because you're quite an attractive lady, how much of your time and energy would he really get as a friend? I'll bet a little, out of boredom, at least until you hooked up with another guy. Then you'd forget his name, right? Right. This is correct. Women think guys will just hang around and be friends because they enjoy their comany so much . BS. Women will hang out until they find a guy they want and guys will hang out until they realize he isn't going to get some or he finds a gal he can get some from.
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