amandaparker503 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Its been 5 weeks of hell. As a person i lost myslef once we split.I have tried NC, but we cross paths so many times. I see him once a week. Week 5 he felt the need to tell me he is moving on and that it is good that he is moving on , he is seeing someone now, were his words. This has totally set me back, at first i was in shock, thought wow, he has done it again, the last time we split, it took 4 weeks. I thought this was just really weird that he can find people that quick and clearly cant be alone. What i dont get is, i know we are over , yet i cant move on, i still cry, couldnt even get out of bed today. I still live in hope, i am angry with myself for trying to find ways to conact him, i am angry withmyself, for someone who is so strong and has a child and has to study, who has turned into a blubering reck. He seems so happy, so in contorl, i try my god dam hardest when i see him to make it look like i am ok. I attend his kicboxing class on tuesdays, this week for the first time in 4 weeks he spoke to me with a small amount of eye contact, guess that is becasue he has now moved on. Why is it i am spending my life in misery, hurt and pain. He isnt. If i even look at another guy, i feel like i am cheating. I have had people ask me out, people try and get close to me, but i just dont wnat to , i dont want to do that to him..he would find out and ruin all chances of us every getting back together. He told me that was the difference between me and him, he would never take me back if he knew that i had slept with someone else. When will i stop giving a crap , about someone who loved me to death, yet clearly never. Confused. Fed up. I dont want to hurt anymore. I just dont want this guy to mess up my life anymore. I dont want tears everyday. I dont want him in my thoughts everday and night. I am trying to make no contact , apart from Tuesdays, i train at his club, the thing with this is , i am training for my first fight, and this is more important to me than a lot of things, i have always wanted it. I wouldnt bother training their otherwise. We spoke via email about how we will be friends, this is when he told me how he is moving on , making time for himself, friends etc . I wished him well and did not even comment on the new girlfriend part. I said i was doing well, but that was about it. I I feel i try and still make an excuse , at times, not all the time, to contact him, so i am going to go NC all the time apart from the club. I know i am just hurting myslef. When i look back , all the times i have contacted him, he has just ignored me, totally. In fact in the street he has avoided me, pretened not to see me(He did say sorry about that) This guy, is clearly telling me something , yet like a wally, i still live in hope. To be told, i dont feel the same and i dont love you, a week after being begged to have his kids etc, is a hard thing to accept, but clearly he does not as he is not here. I just want to know how to move forward. I try. I have good days and then i am set back.ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I feel so weak, my study is suffering, my son is suffering. I have my first session tomorrow with a pshychatrist, as when i was with the guy, all i did was push him away. I have a few issues in the past , abuse and stuff that i will be sorting. I am also depressed.Have been for years , but fight it. When i havent loved myslef, i know i could not possibly love him or anyone. I need to be happy being single and on my own. I am not. I am scared. I have lots of confidence, i am good looking, got a wonderful son, great future ahead...but none of this is making me happy. WHY ...I DONT KNOW. He said it is scary how much he loves me, said no one has hurt him as much as i have, he said he is affected deeply by this. He said he never gives people a 2nd chance in his life, but he gave me one and i dont have a hope in hell of having another. The 2nd chance was more about him , i looked after him when he was at a very low point, but myslef on hold and made him happy and better. What a mug! Sorry i am mind clearing. I am tired of it all. Emotionally dead.
wayfaerer1 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I really feel for you Amanda... I know how tough it is to cope knowing your ex has someone already or is already ok with moving on. Right now, there's only two things that are helping me get over my ex - time and watching Swingers everyday. You have to pretend to forget about him, then eventually you won't be pretending to forget, you actually will forget him. Time heals this kind of pain, sometimes it takes a while.
EmperorR Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I know how it feels, how can you mean the world to someone one day and then nothing the next. It's hard to get over it, I still feel so alone someone I loved more than I loved myself, someone I talked to every day for the past three years and while in struggling it's eh like I'm just a stranger. Everyday I feel like calling or txtn but I can't it's like I don't know that person anymore. Concentrate on yourself it gets a little better every day. I stopped crying I'm eating I still miss her so much, I still hope for another. Vance but I don't dwell on it like before. Last time I talked to my ex she had a crush on a guy and was feeling butterflies in her stomach yet she felt nothing for me ya it hurT but then I realized people like that only put expiry dates on people they are in a relationship with. Once that newness honeymoon factor is over see ya. Right now I'm still hurting I know you are to but maybe it's for the best maybe it was needed so that the person who is right for you can step in, think positive.
wayfaerer1 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I feel the same way though, I feel like I can't function normally because I have all this crap on my mind. One minute I'll feel happy and optimistic about the future, the other I'll feeling like all hope is lost. I just hope I do get over this eventually, I don't want to be thinking about this forever...It sucks.
amandaparker503 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Thanks for the replies, i try and stay focused. Is it worth holding our lives back for someone who clearly does not want to share it with us. No. Karma i guess will bring us good things. I have decided to try and learn about myslef and try and heal, i dont want to never get over someone, i think that is not a nice place to be. I dont want to live in regret. I just hope i can do all of this. I am strong, but not strong enough at the moment. Do you think good things happen to people who go through a lot of crap. I have had the worst 4 years ever. Its hard to see a light when all you do is fight. I fight everyday for good, but at the moment, everything is falling down around me. One day at a time, i try and make changes. Thats all i can do. I hope we all get our shineshine one day
Geishawhelk Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Karma i guess will bring us good things. Nope. Karma does nothing of the kind. Karma just is. It's not decisive or judgemental. It is what it is. We make crap, we get a crap result. we make good, we get a good result. It's up to us. Sorry. Had to respond to that bit. As a Buddhist, it vexes the heck out of me when people talk about Karma and they haven't got a clue what it is.
amandaparker503 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 We make crap, we get a crap result. we make good, we get a good result. It's up to us. Point taken, why is it then when we get crap, but are being good , we get crap!
BCCA Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Nope. Karma does nothing of the kind. Karma just is. It's not decisive or judgemental. It is what it is. We make crap, we get a crap result. we make good, we get a good result. It's up to us. Sorry. Had to respond to that bit. As a Buddhist, it vexes the heck out of me when people talk about Karma and they haven't got a clue what it is. Karma = what goes around, comes around - in a nutshell. Thats not to say if youre nice to someone, they'll be nice to you, but karma will return your good deeds in some fashion. You get what you put out there, its the law of attractions. If you believe life is helpless and that youll be alone, youll attract things into your life to guarantee thats what happens. If you focus on being good to those around you and knowing that happiness will come one day, youll attract good things.
BCCA Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 We make crap, we get a crap result. we make good, we get a good result. It's up to us. Point taken, why is it then when we get crap, but are being good , we get crap! Its not a 1 + 1 = 2 relationship. You cant just try and make good and expect a certain thing to happen. I would rather be nice and get crap for 5 years and be rewarded with long lasting happiness than a quick fix. EVENTUALLY it all evens out. But there have been times in my life that were nothing but bad for no reason. Then, there were times I met someone special and had a lot of happiness for seemingly no reason. Just know that if youre good to those around you, the universe will reward your happiness.
amandaparker503 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 BCCA, sound words, i guess i am feeling a bit pants, maybe even sorry for myself. I am trying so hard to move on and struggling to understand why all of a sudden lots of not so nice things are happening to me at once. But i can see what you say , there is no reason, its life i guess. I have set lots of wheels in motion to get positive, just not touching them yet...so close...
BCCA Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 BCCA, sound words, i guess i am feeling a bit pants, maybe even sorry for myself. I am trying so hard to move on and struggling to understand why all of a sudden lots of not so nice things are happening to me at once. But i can see what you say , there is no reason, its life i guess. I have set lots of wheels in motion to get positive, just not touching them yet...so close... Remember, thoughts do become reality. Thinking its hopeless and that youre so sad, etc. will ensure that you feel hopeless and sad. But, by not allowing yourself to wallow in missery, and to take your lumps, shrug them off and KNOW you'll be happy again will attract happiness toward you. Try and keep your thoughts in check, when something starts to bug you, just tell yourself dwelling and feeling desperate will get you nowhere. Only by saying, "it is what it is, and I'm ok with that" will you truly start to be ok.
Geishawhelk Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Karma = what goes around, comes around - in a nutshell. No, I'm sorry, that's also inaccurate.... Thats not to say if youre nice to someone, they'll be nice to you, but karma will return your good deeds in some fashion. You get what you put out there, its the law of attractions. If you believe life is helpless and that youll be alone, youll attract things into your life to guarantee thats what happens. If you focus on being good to those around you and knowing that happiness will come one day, youll attract good things. Karma will also return your bad deeds in some fashion. This life, last life. who knows? I don't want to take this thread off topic. But karma is created by us, as a result of events. We are the authors of our Karma, through the very first thoughts we have, in response to outside stimulus. It's not what happens to us, that is the big deal. It's how we respond. I'm going to say no more, but I'll open up a thread in the Religion & Spirituality forum. In case anyone is interested in taking this further. Excuse me for the off-topic diversion. BACK TO TOPIC.
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