OWoman Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Owoman...does it scare you that he's like this? He is either deluding himself not to see those points about his stbx (or Hitler), or he's not accepting reality in some fashion. These could be some red flags for later down the road. He's accepted that she's broken, and that holding her to the same standards as a well person is not going to get anyone far. He's also accepted (after a good deal of counselling ) that he can't fix her. And so he accepts her as she is. I, of course, maintain that there's a huge difference between accepting THAT she is like that (broken) and deeming her BEHAVIOUR acceptable, but he reckons he's simply stepping out of the way of the onrushing train rather than trying to stop it or slow it down. He knows my views. He knows his kids' views. And his parents', siblings', friends' and colleagues'. He knows his lawyer's views and his financial advisor's views. He still insists she be treated with respect (by the kids) and not openly slagged off (in his presence anyway - he feels some kind of duty to ensure she's accorded respect, in absentia) and he's still determined to be generous towards her - way beyond the legal advice - in the financial settlement. Red flags - just the usual putting himself last in the queue, but that's an old issue that's featured prominently in his counselling... That's HIS issue to work on.
Owl Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Fair enough...you're a smart lady, you know what to be cautious about. I've dealt a lot with people who simply couldn't see reality if it walked up and poked them in the eyes...your description of his behavior concerned me that he might be along those lines...clearly, he's got a handle on things tho... Take care.
MizzBlue72 Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I afree with everyone who thinks that the MM wants to keep everything status quo at home, and wants a little kink when things get boring.
GreenEyedLady Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 How could someone not know the truth about her (or his) own feelings? Sh*t, that's messed up! I think they may be choosing to lie because they're too cowardly to own up to the truth (possibly to themselves as well as to others). What they're afraid of may differ from person to person, but there is often fear and cowardice behind dishonesty. Liars are usually afraid of something! A MP who is in a monogamous marriage who chooses to cheat, especially if it goes on for months and even years, is seriously lacking in the character department. They must have very, very weak wills! Where's their integrity? I think actually this is a phenomena that transcends A's period. My XH lies all the time and is so sure of himself and lies about stupid stuff. It makes me wonder if he believes it himself. I honestly don't think it's limited to A's. And if MP are cheating they're not in a monogamous M are they? Maybe their integrity is channeled a different way. You make a lot of assumptions. Not everyone thinks how one conducts their R's is what makes the person. Alot of people don't care. They only care when they're personally affected.
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