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Posted

Hi, first post here, so would like to say Hi.

 

So now on to my situation, my girlfriend of a year , plays games with me by saying she doesn't care, and that she hates me. When she does that , I don't talk to her at all. I feel like I am being treated badly, I do everything for her, and she does this to me? She keeps doing this to me, but then if I tell her I want to break up, she goes hysterical, and says she loves me and can't be without me....

Posted

If she really loved you would she be telling you she hated you every now and then? I don't think so.

 

It sounds to me like shes uphappy in the relationship, and because of that, she makes you unhappy - but she won't leave because she is afraid of being lonely.

 

My suggestion would be, nextime she says she hates you or whatever it is... walk away. Make the split. It will hurt, but try to take a month off on your own, see how it feels. The first few weeks will probably be miserable, and no doubt she'll keep trying to contact you, but I think if you give yourself some space, you'll be able to more rationally decide weather you want to keep trying with her or not. No Contact (NC), is really the best way to step out of the situation and see things objectively, but it takes a deep commitment to no contact, and some real soul-searching.

 

While you're doing this, she'll also be forced to think about her actions. She'll realize you value yourself enough to walk away from her mistreatment. From there, she will have to make the choice - change and seriously try to make things okay with you, or realize she was unhappy and move on.

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Posted

Yeah , today after we woke up, she started telling me how I am no good, and all that, like she always does . I just won't talk to her, and let her do her thing.. I ignored her all day yesterday,until late last nite, and she was pissed because she "didnt know what I was doing" , yet she wanted to be done with me?

Posted

Yeah honestly, my advice is, walk out of that sh** now. Do you really want to deal with that for another month, year, years? She sounds like she needs time on her own to just... get over herself and her issues.

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Posted

It seems like it's a game . Once she gets me back, she does it all again..

Like last week, she did it to me, so I told her I was moving on, and she just went crazy, coming to my house, crying hysterically.

And yesterday, she kept saying " I thought we were gonna get married, and have kids , and all that " ?

Posted

Hello Nick,

 

Sounds like a very uncomfortable and unhappy situation. If I may ask, how old is she? Does she go to school or work? Is she otherwise happy with her life?

 

Personally, I don't like the mind games and I think they are a big sign of insecurity. I also find them childish. I have never told my husband I hated him. Because it is not true. There are times I'm mad at him or times I'm annoyed, but that is what I communicate. Hate is a powerful word.

 

It's not fun being alone. It's not fun having your emotions toyed with. You are on a roller coaster and you never know when you'll go up or you'll go down. If you think she is worth working it out and finding out what is causing this behavior in her, I will applaud you for your effort, just realize we can't always fix problems others have.

 

if you are tired of the games. If you spend more time unhappy than happy... then I think it's time you do go the no contact route. When she hurts you. Walk away. You can tell her, "ok, that's it. What you said right there. Your behavior right now. This has ended us." and walk.

 

You will have communicated with her. Then she can't pester you with "what did I do, I don't understand, I didn't realize what I was doing"... blah, blah, blah

 

And that will help you have closure to it as well.

 

It sounds to me like she needs to get her life together and do some maturing.

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Posted

She is 18, I am 20. I don't understand ,why she says she loves me and then does this? She will act mean, like she doesn't need me , then later, she will be all nice to me. It hurts.

Posted

It's hard to say. She's the only one in her mind. She's the only one who can answer why she does that. We can speculate from here to forever and still not have the right answer.

 

Maybe she doesn't understand the emotions she is having or she has no control over herself

Maybe she doesn't really love you, she is just overwhelmed by fear of being alone

Maybe she enjoys the drama of the fighting and the manipulation of your emotions

Maybe she was traumatized as a child and she's releasing pent up emotion

Maybe this is what she saw in the relationship between her parents and she thinks this is how relationships are

Maybe she's nuts.

Maybe she's sane.

Maybe she doesn't know how to cope with frustration and stress and anxiety and is using you to release those emotions.

Maybe she doesn't like tomatoes and every time she smells one an insane funky monkey climbs on her back and makes her say terrible things.

 

My point being, it could be anything. And you won't know until you talk to her about it. Ask her, say, "I love you, but you say such hurtful things to me, it's killing the love I have. Why are you doing this? What about me triggers that in you?"

 

See if together you can find out. If you can, great, you can be stronger for it. If she is unwilling... then you may have to make a very difficult decision.

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Posted

Well, I just texted her a little while ago, and said That I dont really want to talk to her, and she said "Fine , bye". Then 15 minutes later, she's like " Can I see you, and give you your shirt you left"? ...

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