Holding on to hope?

[Sonitas]

Have not posted in a long time, separated from my husband over two years ago for six months, we worked thru our problems, he made some major changes as did I. We moved back in together and everything seemed to be working out wonderfully.

 

There is something missing from our relationship, not something that I can describe in words but this feeling of almost lonelyness seems to be creeping back into my heart. We have a beautiful family and I don't want to put them thru this again.

 

I told my H how I was feeling, how things were seeming to be returning to the way they were and that I was not happy. He was completely unaware that I was feeling this way. He told me that I am living in a dream world, that relationships take hard work (I know that!) and that not everything is pure bliss all the time, you just have to work things out.

 

I know we could work things out, take it one day at a time. But yet I lay in bed sometimes at night counting the years left before my children are grown and we could go our seperate ways without upset to the family. Do I really want to live like that?

 

Can anyone offer me some advice or hope that the gratification of hitting that golden anniversary is completely worth it!

 

Thanks

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Just because the kids are grown, it doesn't mean they'll be unaffected by a divorce.

 

Do you have other ways of feeling fulfilled, like a hobby and friends and outside interests? Do you and your husband do anything together besides share a house? My grandparents were blissfully happy together for over 60 years...they adored each other. My g-father is gone now, but my g-mother would tell you that her golden anniversary was one of the best days of her life.

 

Go back to when you first met your h. What appealed to you then? Didn't you adore him then? Come up with activities you two can do together, maybe something where you have to rely on each other to achieve a goal, like doubles in tennis, or whitewater rafting, just something where you can work together as a team.

[Sonitas]

I know it would still effect them

 

We both have plenty of hobbies and similar interests, we do many things together, usualy it seems that we tend to do things he prefers, but I don't mind, fun just the same.

 

Going back to when I first met him? I was 14 at the time, of course I adored him, he was someone I looked up to for direction and affection, and I enjoyed doing things for him.

[onward]

Re-read your last posts, I think you've answered the question yourself.

 

It sounds like you do things together now, but they are things that fulfill him.

It sounds like when you met him you looked up to him for guidance and for direction.

 

Well... where are you in all of this? You two should be doing things that fulfill you? not just him. And this may have been a pattern that was set up from the very beginning of the relationship (him leading, you following). I think you need to talk with him about your need to take some charge in seeing that you get fulfilled in your "we" time. I wouldn't place it as blame at his feet, as much of this type of effort needs to come from within you (perhaps some IC is in order for you).

 

Just my thoughts reading your brief description.

[PWSX3]

Re-read your last posts, I think you've answered the question yourself.

 

It sounds like you do things together now, but they are things that fulfill him.

It sounds like when you met him you looked up to him for guidance and for direction.

 

Well... where are you in all of this? You two should be doing things that fulfill you? not just him. And this may have been a pattern that was set up from the very beginning of the relationship (him leading, you following). I think you need to talk with him about your need to take some charge in seeing that you get fulfilled in your "we" time. I wouldn't place it as blame at his feet, as much of this type of effort needs to come from within you (perhaps some IC is in order for you).

 

Just my thoughts reading your brief description.

 

Good advice, at least you are welling to talk to your H & try and figure things out. This is how my marriage was, I was the leader she was the follower & now she is moved out & we are headed to a divorce because she doesn't want to follow anymore but she also didn't tell me.

Sorry got a little carried away.

 

I don't know if you like going to plays but maybe you could suggest that, or maybe one of your hobbies he could do with you.

 

One other suggestion do you get time for yourself?

I know my stbxw always said; I don't have a place in the house to go to have my time. Since it was something that bothered her I thought maybe it was worth suggesting.