i wonder and memories

[Whey2Big4u]

well this site has been a great place to vent for the last year.

 

Its a year today, since my ex fiance left me. I just realized it and it hit me pretty hard.

 

i saw a recent pic of her with her new bf and its them at universal studios (and i wanted to takeher since she was never there). She only was with him for four months when they went. Its now 5 or six months for them. I wonder if she loves him or not. and if she did does she love hom like she loved me?

does she still think about me?

does she ever wonder about me or us?

 

I know i do and I hate it.

 

I know he has to be paying for everything since she makes nothing and im wondering if she lives with him.

 

even when we where engaged she would never sleep over my house, i wonder if she does with this guy.

 

I wonder if he treats her better then i did?

I wonder if she treats him better than me?

 

I wonder if well ever get back?

 

the only thing keeping me happy is my job and i cant have a relationship now nor do i really want one, but i do get really lonely and wanna have that someone. Thank god for my best frined. without her i dont know wher i would be.

For an entire year shes heard me talk about my ex fiance and how much i want her back.

 

Ive moved on as far as other women, but its never the same.

 

Ive dated but no one compares.

 

I sit here writting this as if I'm in a trance, wondering. just wondering.

 

I'm a good guy

I'm a nice guy

I'm a smart guy

Im a good looking guy

I'm an indpeendant guy

I'm a well off guy

 

Ive grown alot this past year and it amazes me to think of ow far ive gotten.

 

It feels like yesterday she told me to come and hang out at school with herafter work. after worl i went to go hang with her and infront of baruch college she broke uip with me wiuth her friends watching and everyone outside.

 

Humiliated

Embarrassed

Upset

Confused

Scared

Coonfused even more

 

came across our wedding page online. says were not getting married till april 09. Heart breaks, pain, obsessed, confused

 

Its been a year, should i be over this?

just becasue shes in a relationship and appears happy now does that mean we wont someday be together?

 

she even told me the story of her cousin the day she broke up with me. They split for a year and where in differnet countries. He got engaged to someonelese and they met up and now they are married and had their first kid.

 

Do I contact, do I not?

do I continue on my path and hope we cross again someday?

 

Is there such a thing as soul mates?

 

why after a year do I feel like my other half is gone?

 

My happiest memories where with her (my life was hard growing up)

she saved me

she loved me

she cared for me

I loved her

I cared for her

I saved her (she told me that many a time)

I love her still.

 

 

sory for the rambling on

[malibustacydoll]

What is the reason she gave for breaking up with you out of curiosity?

 

It is said that it takes half of the time you dated someone to really get to a point of being over them. So, if you and her dated for two years, then now you should be just about over her.

 

I think the best way to want to be over her is to look at all of the faults that were with her. Think about how you wont have to put up with her annoying habits, or her using you since you appear to be the money maker of the two.

 

As time goes on, it will get easier. You may never fully get over her until you meet someone else though that blows your mind away. I think the first thing you have to do is accept yourself and be happy and content with your life being single before you can really open up and be ready to be with someone again. It is only fair to you and your future girlfriend.

 

My first "love", or so I thought he was, took a very long time to get over. However, once I was content with my own life I saw things differently. Through this and putting myself out there, I met my current boyfriend who I strongly believe is the love of my life.

 

Good luck and find someone who appreciates you.

[Whey2Big4u]

yeah it was six years and we where engaged

[Sysyphus28]

I wonder and wonder too. It has been 3 months or so. Some contact. Mostly arguements and stressfull conversations. She is in college and I have a regular job(I'm 28 and she is 21). Your situation is pretty intense. Six years is a long time.

You shouldn't contact her though. Where did you see the recent pic of her? Did you seek it out on some myspace or facebook site? I hope not. I did that for a few months. It was pictures of her smiling and having fun without me. I wasn't smiling after I saw those pics. You got to let go. WE all do. I do. You do. Any man or a woman who feels like they need someone to be happy. We got to get over the hump.

[Mike B.]

yeah it was six years and we where engaged

 

 

Hey, man. I definitely feel you here. I was in a relationship with someone for 5 years and engaged to her before I let her walk right out of my life. A lot of the things you wrote about above is so familiar with me. My ex was so wondeful to me and I accept that I will never have such a unique relationship with someone again simply due to my experience and age. We broke up 6 years ago this month and I still miss her although I no longer feel heartbroken.

 

My first instinct is to tell you that you should try once and one time only to try and contact her to see if it is possible that you two can rekindle the flame. I wouldn't tell everyone this but I am telling you this because I know the horrible feeling to keep living life wondering "what if." You will only wonder for a very long time about the "what if." Why not end that mystery right now so you can really start to heal no matter what the outcome will be.

 

 

I must warn you, and I am speaking from experience, that there is a good chance that once you contact her, her feelings will have changed for you. She just may be in a very happy place in her life and may not want to risk realeasing the bird in her hand for the one in the bush. If she does tell you that she has moved on and do not wish to restart a relationship, you will be devastated and you will be back to square one in the healing process but this time, you will began to heal much faster and efficiently than you probably are now. Please do not underestimate the unbelievable pain in your heart that you may feel if she declines your offer to start again.

 

On the other hand, again, it is not every day that you meet a woman that you would want to spend your life with. If this woman is that special to you, she may be worth the risk of asking for better or worse. At least you will know and not have to fantasize about it all of the time.

 

So there are two possible secnarios here:

 

1. The universe may be in enlightment and in your favor so that when you call, she will be happy you want her back and you can restart you lives together and no more of the aching feeling to have her by your side any more.

 

2. She has moved on and happy. She will turn you down and you will feel a debilitating ache in your heart that you never ever could have ever imagined. You eventually heal better and get to finally move on but not before a whole lot of dreams while you sleep of having her back and waking up feeling that ache in your heart. In short, your wound wil be freshly opened and this time a a ton of salt will be thrown into it.

 

 

Either way, I think it is worth it to contact her but if she is happy where she is now, do not contact her anymore. Let her be happy. If you really love her, I know this is what you want for her more than any thing. I think you should reach out to her.

[northstar1]

Hey, man. I definitely feel you here. I was in a relationship with someone for 5 years and engaged to her before I let her walk right out of my life. A lot of the things you wrote about above is so familiar with me. My ex was so wondeful to me and I accept that I will never have such a unique relationship with someone again simply due to my experience and age. We broke up 6 years ago this month and I still miss her although I no longer feel heartbroken.

 

My first instinct is to tell you that you should try once and one time only to try and contact her to see if it is possible that you two can rekindle the flame. I wouldn't tell everyone this but I am telling you this because I know the horrible feeling to keep living life wondering "what if." You will only wonder for a very long time about the "what if." Why not end that mystery right now so you can really start to heal no matter what the outcome will be.

 

 

I must warn you, and I am speaking from experience, that there is a good chance that once you contact her, her feelings will have changed for you. She just may be in a very happy place in her life and may not want to risk realeasing the bird in her hand for the one in the bush. If she does tell you that she has moved on and do not wish to restart a relationship, you will be devastated and you will be back to square one in the healing process but this time, you will began to heal much faster and efficiently than you probably are now. Please do not underestimate the unbelievable pain in your heart that you may feel if she declines your offer to start again.

 

On the other hand, again, it is not every day that you meet a woman that you would want to spend your life with. If this woman is that special to you, she may be worth the risk of asking for better or worse. At least you will know and not have to fantasize about it all of the time.

 

So there are two possible secnarios here:

 

1. The universe may be in enlightment and in your favor so that when you call, she will be happy you want her back and you can restart you lives together and no more of the aching feeling to have her by your side any more.

 

2. She has moved on and happy. She will turn you down and you will feel a debilitating ache in your heart that you never ever could have ever imagined. You eventually heal better and get to finally move on but not before a whole lot of dreams while you sleep of having her back and waking up feeling that ache in your heart. In short, your wound wil be freshly opened and this time a a ton of salt will be thrown into it.

 

 

Either way, I think it is worth it to contact her but if she is happy where she is now, do not contact her anymore. Let her be happy. If you really love her, I know this is what you want for her more than any thing. I think you should reach out to her.

 

Good advice.

The brain tells us that it will likely be Option 2 that happens, and going back down that path will bring fresh pain. But somewhere in the corners of the heart, we can't let go of that small glimmer of hope that they may come back.

 

The sign above the door of such a path to chose surely holds the warning "Enter at your own Risk".

[Whey2Big4u]

wow.....that was the best adive i have ever gottne on this forum!!

 

I do wish to contact her and it may finally allow me to heal properly like a bone that has to be reset

 

but it will heal better the second time.

 

I do see she is happy and i do not want to ruin that, its all i ever wanted for her.

 

as much as i want to contact her.............I know and I FEEL its not the best time. For me (casue of the fast pace at my life is going now) and for her

 

something telles me I will know when the best time is. Wheither the outcome is good or bad. (good either way, but may not be what i hoped for)

 

 

Thank you..................truelly thank you...wow

[Sysyphus28]

I will not contact her. That is a terrible way for me to lose the footing I have scrambled to gain. My dignity and my pride are not worth the whims of this young woman! I have cried for her, I have been through every range of emotions for her. She has seen me faulter and act like a strung-out fool. She has heard me say please.......and ask again....."please baby, don't do this" "I love you more than anything" "You are the love of my life!" "Please give this another chance".....I got I don't know...then when she got into her dorm room...I got a solid NO. I need to focus on self-preservation. Don't get me wrong dude, I want to call/text/emai/send a carrier pigeon with a message/light fireworks off and hold up a stereo outside her window, whatever..........I love her and I am having the worst time getting over her. If I call her again I am going to become the "bad guy". The ex with stalker like qualities......the needy as*hole who won't leave her alone! She is already frustrated by my persistance. It isn't everday you meet a woman you want to spend your life with. BUT do you want to spend your life with a woman who would dog you like this in a two year relationship. How would it be after 10+. You want a loyal, kind-hearted woman, not some jerk who will leave you out in the wind. Seriously...........I will NOT contact her and sacrifice any more of my energy. This website is enough support for me.

[Mike B.]

I will not contact her. That is a terrible way for me to lose the footing I have scrambled to gain. My dignity and my pride are not worth the whims of this young woman! I have cried for her, I have been through every range of emotions for her. She has seen me faulter and act like a strung-out fool. She has heard me say please.......and ask again....."please baby, don't do this" "I love you more than anything" "You are the love of my life!" "Please give this another chance".....I got I don't know...then when she got into her dorm room...I got a solid NO. I need to focus on self-preservation. Don't get me wrong dude, I want to call/text/emai/send a carrier pigeon with a message/light fireworks off and hold up a stereo outside her window, whatever..........I love her and I am having the worst time getting over her. If I call her again I am going to become the "bad guy". The ex with stalker like qualities......the needy as*hole who won't leave her alone! She is already frustrated by my persistance. It isn't everday you meet a woman you want to spend your life with. BUT do you want to spend your life with a woman who would dog you like this in a two year relationship. How would it be after 10+. You want a loyal, kind-hearted woman, not some jerk who will leave you out in the wind. Seriously...........I will NOT contact her and sacrifice any more of my energy. This website is enough support for me.

 

 

Sysyphus, in your case, I definitely would not contact your girlfriend. You have absolutely done enough and probably more than you should have to get this woman back. It sound like you were absolutely crazy about her but too much persistence will push them so far out of your reach and you only become more obsessive.

 

I think a different situation applies to those who were married or engaged. Those are bonds that are more complicated than your average GF/BF relationships that evolves into love. I think if you lost your wife or fiance and want them back, you deserve to give yourself at least one shot to get them back. I definitely wouldn't go to the length that you have. I am not criticizing you but if it takes all of this, you will only get someone back out of their pity for you.

 

Who wants the pity reconciliation? It nevers lasts. It is only a ticking time bomb that will explode in your face in the near future. Sorry you had to go through that.

[Sysyphus28]

Your right. I am at work on this website plugging away, trying to work through this. I can't stop thinking about it/her sometimes. It has been since sunday, and we bumped into eachother at a mutual friends house. She wouldn't really talk to me at all. She said we "just talk about the same stuff" and then left. I havnt' called her all week....since she has been back from NY we havn't really had that much fun at all. I am heartbroken and want to call her everyday. BUT I HAVN"T. It has been 5-6 days without any contact. Remind me why I shouldn't call her again. It makes me feel like I am being proactive about something! Even though deep down I know it is counter-active! Even though it is pushing her even further away! I am really doing it though. It just feels brutal and unnatural.

[Whey2Big4u]

learn from my mistakes........leave her be let her breathe. She has to grow and so do you. Its tough, especially for the first few months, after a while you really dont wanna contact them.

 

I do agree with mike B, who has some of the best advice by far on this forum site. A gf/bf relationship isnt as intense as a married or engaged. Its an entirely different level.

 

two years isnt much, but i know it feels like a life time.

 

especially since it was two years, if you leave her alone now, theres a chance she may come back sooner, but only a chance. The longer you guys would have been together the longer the wait. This is what Ive realized form these forums

 

Those with shorter relationships and less commitment seem to get back together a bit quicker. Those who really cared about someone else and they where at the next level..............it seems they take alot longer to put their emotions back together.

 

When writting this thread I was in a daze, completely hit by the fac tthat it was one year to the day. As i write this I am of sound mind.

[Sysyphus28]

I am glad you are of sound mind. I am pretty frantic right now......just keep looping over and over again...miss you's and blah blah

[Mike B.]

I am glad you are of sound mind. I am pretty frantic right now......just keep looping over and over again...miss you's and blah blah

 

 

 

Oh, yeah... the thought loops. By far one of the hardest things to get control of initially...replaying conversations, good times, and meaningless moments. Replaying small insignifcant events in your mind that you are now convincing yourself that it actually meant something. Searching for clues in your memories.

 

After about a few minutes of doing this for the first time, your imagination takes over and it takes you to a whole new universe where every thing gets obscured. Those thought loops are what I hate the most. I can deal with the heartche because it is pain and I personally have a high tolerance for that but the thought loops is what really holds you back from enjoying yourself and moving on because your imagination is too preoccupied to enjoy any thing else.

 

 

Only when you finally give up on her 100% will the thought loops end. That tiny flicker of hope that your GF will somehow do something to make you feel better.. something...anything. That hope fuels the loops. They killed me for the first week and a half of my recent break up but now they are gone. I Do think about things a lot but not nearly as much and it is not looping of the same stuff.

[Sysyphus28]

I realy appreciate you replying. This is really helping. getting all this S&^% out. It is good to know other people feel bad too, and it is giving me strength to do NC right...and to see the reality of the situation.

[JooLee]

i dont have much advice just my heart felt for you as i read your post.

i hope things will be better. i hope tomorrow when you wake up, your life will start shining again and you will smile from your heart.

 

i wish you the best.