Matt105 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Is it always this hard to be with someone? She loves me so much, and it's a wonderful feeling to be loved by someone. But sometimes, I feel as though I love the fact that I am being loved by someone more than I actually love her. She's a wonderful girl.. but there are times when she just leaves me unhappy. Is it possible to love someone and still be unhappy? What is the best course of action in a situation like this? I've thought about breaking up.. but I feel like she is a real catch. We've been together for about 5 months, first said the 'love' word about 2-3 months ago. It might have been a little early to say that, but we literally hang out everyday all day. Here are some of the problems that irk me.. -She's slept with 12 guys as opposed to my 6 girls. This shouldn't bother me .. but it does. Especially since many of the guys still call her / write on her facebook wall and whatnot and though she ignores some of them, others she "tries to be friends with" even though it is obvious to me they are flirting. -However, she's never had an orgasm and we've tried so much and so hard.. but it just isn't going to happen. I've done the whole she-bang many times. as an example of my effort, about 2 weeks ago, I cooked her dinner, we then took a shower together, we went to the bedroom and I gave her an oiled massage which led into me giving her oral and she eventually stopping me saying it wasn't going anywhere. I've read books, I've read magazines, I feel like I'm confident in knowing what I'm doing with a woman (sexually, at least). This is a seemingly minor problem, but it is a huge issue between us. It is making our sex life bad to non-existant. I've asked her if she ever feels nervous and she says she is very nervous when "I am down there" I have tried to reassure her that I enjoy it but she can't get past the fact that "vaginas are gross." She claims sex just leaves her feeling sad that she can't get off even though she likes to make me happy. -Her plan for the past year has been to go to Australia when she graduates (late december). I finally asked her about this a few weeks ago and she said she doesn't know what she will do now, especially since I'm here and she doesn't want to lose me. Well... I feel like I am just being strung along. I flatout asked her "Am I just a fling before you run off to Australia?" and she replied "No..no.. I love you so much.. I don't know what I would have done without you these past 5 months.. I don't know what I would do without you now." But then occasionally she lets out something like "I can't stand this place anymore!" or "I just want to get out of here". My gut tells me she will leave and when she goes I'll just be left extremely broken-hearted. I just needed to get this off of my chest. I don't know what will happen but god I hope she stays and at the same time.. if we keep having these problems, maybe we just won't work out anyway?
whichwayisup Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 She "may" have had sex with others, but she doesn't know her own body. Chances are, she's never had an orgasm. She probably hasn't played with herself, experimented to find out what she likes, how to be touched. This is HER issue, not yours. If she can't be open and comfortable in bed, then again, it's not you. If you feel you aren't inlove with her, then end it. Don't stay because you feel loved by someone and it's good for your ego. (I don't mean that meanly. It is nice to be adored by someone, but it sucks if you don't feel the same back.) Fact that she is leaving soon, maybe use this opportunity to slow it down more and talk to her about ending it.
TotalChaos Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 Hello Matt105. I can relate to you and understand your situation. I'm with a man right now that loves me unconditionally and yet I don't feel complete. After reading what you wrote I realized that is why I stay in the situation I'm in. Don't get me wrong, I love my bf very much. However, I'm not in love. It does feel good to have someone care so much, but it's really not fair to either party. I'm working on making things right in my situation. I feel like I need to let the relationship go so that I can learn to be on my own. I can see why her # of sexual partners bothers you. I don't think there are many men that would be comfortable knowing that their partner had that much more experience. I think it's an ego thing. Do you know if she's had problems having an orgasm in the past or is it just in this relationship? I believe it takes alot of women a long time to really have a good orgasm. I'm sure it's very frustrating to you. As far as her talking about moving and being tired of where she's at...well I feel like this should be a red flag to you. Has she ever mentioned you going with her? If she really loves you that much I don't know why she would leave and go that far. Almost seems to me like you are her "company" until she leaves and gets what she really wants. I'm not proud of it by any means, but I have said those same things to my partner. At first I was serious about him moving away with me so we could both explore new places. After realizing that he will never leave the area, I continued to say similar things. I sometimes wish that he would kick my butt to the curb, but I don't believe this will ever happen. Maybe the two of you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. If you really feel like you are being strung along then you prolly are. Best of luck to you in this matter. I know it's hard.
UnamedSeven Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Is it always this hard to be with someone? She loves me so much, and it's a wonderful feeling to be loved by someone. But sometimes, I feel as though I love the fact that I am being loved by someone more than I actually love her. She's a wonderful girl.. but there are times when she just leaves me unhappy. Is it possible to love someone and still be unhappy? What is the best course of action in a situation like this? I've thought about breaking up.. but I feel like she is a real catch. We've been together for about 5 months, first said the 'love' word about 2-3 months ago. It might have been a little early to say that, but we literally hang out everyday all day. Here are some of the problems that irk me.. -She's slept with 12 guys as opposed to my 6 girls. This shouldn't bother me .. but it does. Especially since many of the guys still call her / write on her facebook wall and whatnot and though she ignores some of them, others she "tries to be friends with" even though it is obvious to me they are flirting. -However, she's never had an orgasm and we've tried so much and so hard.. but it just isn't going to happen. I've done the whole she-bang many times. as an example of my effort, about 2 weeks ago, I cooked her dinner, we then took a shower together, we went to the bedroom and I gave her an oiled massage which led into me giving her oral and she eventually stopping me saying it wasn't going anywhere. I've read books, I've read magazines, I feel like I'm confident in knowing what I'm doing with a woman (sexually, at least). This is a seemingly minor problem, but it is a huge issue between us. It is making our sex life bad to non-existant. I've asked her if she ever feels nervous and she says she is very nervous when "I am down there" I have tried to reassure her that I enjoy it but she can't get past the fact that "vaginas are gross." She claims sex just leaves her feeling sad that she can't get off even though she likes to make me happy. -Her plan for the past year has been to go to Australia when she graduates (late december). I finally asked her about this a few weeks ago and she said she doesn't know what she will do now, especially since I'm here and she doesn't want to lose me. Well... I feel like I am just being strung along. I flatout asked her "Am I just a fling before you run off to Australia?" and she replied "No..no.. I love you so much.. I don't know what I would have done without you these past 5 months.. I don't know what I would do without you now." But then occasionally she lets out something like "I can't stand this place anymore!" or "I just want to get out of here". My gut tells me she will leave and when she goes I'll just be left extremely broken-hearted. I just needed to get this off of my chest. I don't know what will happen but god I hope she stays and at the same time.. if we keep having these problems, maybe we just won't work out anyway? I can't exactly say something that will maybe help you in a really good way but, you are just going to have to wait-and-see. If you honestly think that she may run out, then you will have to try to be a little more straight towards her. Maybe say, "If you really love me, then you would never leave me" or something. I'm kinda not sure though If she does leave you, don't let her back. You can't expect to live a normal life with her if she leaves you.
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