blueberry Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Greetings and Salutations. Well, I did it. After 2 weeks of me avoiding him, I finally did it. I've asked for no contact. And it hurt like hell We haven't been intimate for over a month now and we have been doing the friends thing. However, he has still been messaging me several times a day - and today, well today I lost the plot. Told him I can't keep pretending that we are friends. That I love him. That I know I can't have him. That it all has to stop - for now at least. He got upset, doesn't want to lose me. yadda yadda yadda. But has agreed, after an hour of messaging, to leave me the hell alone. Already I've emailed him apologising and hoping he understands. He has yet to respond. Sheesh. Already I am waiting for a message! This is going to get harder isn't it.... He is off to Mauritius tomorrow with his partner. Hope the weather is terrible.
Owl Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 That's a good start. But what are you going to do when he comes back from the trip? How are you going to MAINTAIN that NC when the two of you work in the same office?
jj33 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Well done. I know how difficult it is. Its heartbreaking when you do it. But over time it feels so much better. The fact is you are not friends - you care immensely for him and he is off to Mauritius with his partner. He says he doesnt want to lose you but hes not. You will still be across the room working away, he just wont be able to message you all the time etc etc. Its self preservation and he wasnt going to look out for you. You needed to do that for yourself. Hang in there. You will be glad you did it. Hard as it feels today
jj33 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 As for what to do when he comes back, one day at a time. Owl I know you are a fan of quitting and finding a new job but in this economy, quitting is not realistic. She will find a way. She has to.
Owl Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 JJ, I've posted on this and another forum for over four years now. I've seen countless, countless stories of incidents where people have tried to go NC while continuing to work with the affair partner. I can remember ONE person coming back saying that it worked. I can remember tons of stories where the affair resumed, the situation escalated, or it all came to a screaming head where one or the other got fired. It only seems to end when there is TRUE NC...not limited contact. I understand the limitations caused by the economy...so the choice comes down to what's more important...her standard of living, or her happiness?
jj33 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I know you are right in theory but giving up a good job because of someone else in the workplace is very severe especially in what is perhaps the worst economic meltdown since 1929. I work with MM. It does not thrill me but I do. Granted we are not in the same workplace but even if we were I would not leave. I would not give him that much power over my life. I think sometimes people have to tough it out. Believe that they can deal with it and not let the A ruin their lives to the extent that they need to find a new job. I know you have seen far more stories on here. And people do get into trouble. But I think that there are as many stories where people manage. Eventually the feelings die down. I know in my industry there are loads of affairs that go on (I am not proud of that it just is what it is) and the people dont leave after the affairs are over. They go through stormy periods sometimes, feelings are hurt etc etc and then life goes on. Living with the consequences of your actions is part of being a grown up. If you cant afford the price you dont buy the ticket. And Blueberry is not married if he wants to leave let him leave. I think we do her more of a favor encouraging her to be strong and tough it out and move on. But I digress Blueberry has been through a lot and is capable of her own decisions. She may prefer to look for a new job or she may not.
Owl Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 But I think that there are as many stories where people manage. My experience has shown me otherwise. We'll have to agree to disagree, my friend.
Meaplus3 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Greetings and Salutations. Well, I did it. After 2 weeks of me avoiding him, I finally did it. I've asked for no contact. And it hurt like hell We haven't been intimate for over a month now and we have been doing the friends thing. However, he has still been messaging me several times a day - and today, well today I lost the plot. Told him I can't keep pretending that we are friends. That I love him. That I know I can't have him. That it all has to stop - for now at least. He got upset, doesn't want to lose me. yadda yadda yadda. But has agreed, after an hour of messaging, to leave me the hell alone. Already I've emailed him apologising and hoping he understands. He has yet to respond. Sheesh. Already I am waiting for a message! This is going to get harder isn't it.... He is off to Mauritius tomorrow with his partner. Hope the weather is terrible. What a big step you took..Good for you! Yes.. NC is hard and that's the truth however, as time passes it does get easier. You need to stick with it.. and stay strong. You can do it. Best wishes. AP:)
Author blueberry Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 My experience has shown me otherwise. We'll have to agree to disagree, my friend. Good cop / bad cop. Thanks guys Owl, yeah it's going to be hard but as jj says, one day at a time yeah? Cut me some slack! I did what I did today because I had to. As for what happens next - who knows? All I *do* know is that I will not be leaving this company. Regardless of the economic situation, I have worked too long and too hard to pack it all in and slink off with my tail between my legs because of some idiotic affair. The week he gets back, I am off to Rome for a few days of relaxing and sight-seeing, and then to Croatia for a week. So what to do when we are both back in the office? I'll jump off that bridge when I get to it.
jj33 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Good cop / bad cop. Thanks guys Owl, yeah it's going to be hard but as jj says, one day at a time yeah? Cut me some slack! I did what I did today because I had to. As for what happens next - who knows? All I *do* know is that I will not be leaving this company. Regardless of the economic situation, I have worked too long and too hard to pack it all in and slink off with my tail between my legs because of some idiotic affair. The week he gets back, I am off to Rome for a few days of relaxing and sight-seeing, and then to Croatia for a week. So what to do when we are both back in the office? I'll jump off that bridge when I get to it. You go girl Dont you let him run you out of that company!! You go have a wonderful time in Rome and in Croatia and when he comes back let HIM slink around crying into his computer screen that HE lost out. Let him look for another job. You hang tough.
jj33 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 My experience has shown me otherwise. We'll have to agree to disagree, my friend. We will my friend. We are two sides of the same coin.
Author blueberry Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 Let him look for another job. . Funnily enough, I have a few suggestions....
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