PracticalShade Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 My girlfriend and I (military) have had our LDR for about 4 plus months (we were friends for a year before that) and about a month ago, I got deployed to be gone for 6 months. Fortunately my job is such that I don't have to leave the base or be in dangerous situations, which also means I can talk to her regularly. (phone calls every so often, online, but mainly e-mailing to my cell phone) A little back story, it was a relationship that started off fast and passionate with lots of late night phone conversations and emotional bonding and such but we've only actually gotten to see each other 2 times since we've gotten into the relationship due to distance. Anyway, being in a deployed environment (it's both our first time dealing with deployment), even when not out doing the most dangerous of jobs, can be a stressful adjustment physically, mentally, as well as emotionally. When I talk to her on the phone she gets really confused and is insecure because she doesn't feel like I'm the same person anymore and she keeps referring to the way things were at first. It was then that I told her 1)As much as I love her and know in my heart that I want to marry her, I think I've already passed the whole new love "honeymoon phase" and 2)I'm in a deployed environment and I don't have the energy that I'd normally have because I'm still adjusting. Upon hearing that I'm out of the honeymoon phase, I felt the wrath of emotions so random that I didn't know what to do. She basically kept saying she felt robbed and didn't understand why I had already left the honeymoon phase because she's still in that phase and she can't believe that I've "moved on" past it, (she literally used that to describe it) and that it's too soon and she doesn't have that to enjoy anymore or something to that effect. And she asked. "is it gonna change when you get back or is it always gonna be like this." combine that with whenever I talk to her on the phone (which is like every day or every other day) she wants to have all these deep conversations and tell her my thoughts and feelings and I'm thinking. "i'm stuck in a desert and i have same routine and there's really not anything going on with me." I try to offer her what I can as far as what's goin on with me, but when I engage her in conversation and do not so freely and willingly go into details about thoughts and feelings she get's upset saying she needs me to talk to her. well I talk to her one way or another every day and the best analogy i can think of is like... when a man comes home from a long hard day he wants to be able to sit down and relax and unwind when he get in the door, not have his significant other trying to get him to sit and talk about details and feelins right away. I could be wrong (she tells me I am but she's also stubborn) but I feel like she tries to guage how good the relationship is on like the emotional charge she receives from it? I know that communication is important and that she's probably also confused and insecure because I did kinda spoil her at first (emotionally speaking) but like if I'm not all lovey dovey when she's all lovey dovey and if I don't have detailed thoughts and feelings to share with her she gets all insecure about the relationship even though I e-mail her throughout the day and regularly mention things like I love her and miss her or am thinking of her. I'm sure that I'm part of the problem somehow but is it really realistic of her to get upset because I reached the level of security where I don't always feel the need to "heart-vomit" my feelings? input pleeease. I'm begging! lol
Geishawhelk Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 She seems very needy. I'm afraid that nothing stays the same, people do change - from day to day, at times - and the probelm is they change at different rates. But everything shifts.... and when you're apart, sometimes, psychologically, you get a barrier come down which is a way for the emotive self to protecting you from collateral damage.... We actually sometimes mentally distance ourselves form a relationship in order to fend off the worst, if it doesn't work out. Men and women are different. Women love to feel wanted, and want to know you're romantically inclined towards them.... Men can often veer towards the practical and occasionally, clinical.... This is generalised, but I think the distance and the lack of actually seeing each other is obviously an issue. But she seems to need validation, and can't understand why the pink fluffy floaty rosey feeling isn't in you as much as it is in her. And you need to explain things better.....
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