sushiking Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 so heres my situation and how i did a great job of messing everything up. i leave out the story of how my ex and i met or how we both fell madly in love. or how i discovered that true love dose exist and i met the love of my life. ill jump straight to the break up. our relationship came to the point where we really didn't have anytime to spend together the only time we had was from late at night until about 5 am. we would do the same routine night after night, and we are both the type of people that like to do different things and stay active. dont get me wrong, we enjoyed our alone time together, but the nights were running into eachother. she was getting off of work at around 11 and i had been running all day and we were both just beat. she was also working on a lot of things as far as her career goes and i was focused on school. i just saw this as a phase that we would eventually get through and then we would have the time and energy to do everything we wanted and work on the goals that we had. anyway one day she tells me that she cant have a relationship right now, shes not ready for a serious relationship and she needs to focus on herself. she told me that she loves me and she always will. i was heartbroken and didnt know what to do or say. im filled with so much love for this woman that i was soon able to overcome most of the pain. we had been talking the past few weeks and everything seemed to be going well, she said she still wasnt looking for anything, but that we could be really close friends for now. i was willing to accept that for now because she is the most amazing and special person i have ever had in my life. then everything took a turn for the worse last week. we have the same group of mutual friends and it was one of our friends birthdays. it was the first time since the break up that we were out together with our other friends. there was lots of drinking involved and i went way overboard. i got really drunk and the hurt and the pain reared their head. because of my clouded state of mind i turned the sadness into anger and lost it. i dont really exactly remember confronting her but i walked up to the table where she was sitting at with some of our friends and i started to argue with her. i then grabbed her her cocktail and spilled it all over the floor, and stated to insult her for no reason what so ever. now she wont talk to me. i havent had a chance to apologize and she dosnt want anything to do with me. one of our friends tells me that she never wants to talk to me or see me again. i feel terrible about the whole situation. ive never done anything like this in my entire life and i dont know what came over me. i cant stop thinking about her. i just want to make things right. what can i do?
Geishawhelk Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Write a message and send it to a mutual friend you can trust, who might speak on your behalf. Get this friend to plead your side, but don't get them to speak for you, just ask them to try to convince her to read your letter. Then write to her telling her how you feel. It might work. It might not. But it's worth a try.....
Bob54 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 ...when we've been rejected by a woman we so dearly want to be with. Even if it's a "soft" rejection, and she is as kind as she can be about it, somehow it always trips an anger trigger deep within us - and we ALWAYS deny it, even to ourselves, until something stupid flies out of our mouth...and then...OOPS! too late...cant take it back. And it's always something really, REALLY bad. Here's my story on 2nd chances: more than 20 years ago, there was this woman I was crazy about, and she was crazy about me too. Lots of chemistry and attraction, things really seemed to be going somewhere. Too fast, she thought, and on or third date, we were about to fall into bed together when she said we should stop. She wanted to wait a bit longer and let things develop before having sex. Totally reasonable request, right? She was sweet about the whole thing, really let me know that it wasn't because she didn't want me -she did- but it was all happening too fast for her. She did not want me to feel rejected. She just wanted me to be patient. Again, reasonable....but tell that to a young guy of 22 with raging hormones and a b***r! Reason and logic play no part at a time like that. LOL:) So I totally blew it by getting angry and started insulting her...trying to argue over little nothings, trying to get her goat, then acting like I didn't care for her at all, made it sound as if she were the one who had been sexually pursuring ME (not true)...then, to top it off, I finished up my rant/tirade by calling her a STALKER!!!! (Made no sense at all, she had never once so much as phoned me more than once a week, didn't have a stalker's bone in her body...so that shows you how disconnected I was from logic!) Anyway, needless to say, she got up and fled the room so fast, it made my head spin. She didn't say anything else to me except, "you know, I've been stalked before, and it is the most horrible experience a person can ever have. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, least of all you. Goodbye." I saw tears welling in her eyes and could tell I'd really delivered the death blow with that stupid inane, childish comment. Can you blame her for never wanting to speak to my crazy ass again? And she didn't. Can't blame her a bit. How could she want to sleep with, much less date, much less be friends with, much less even TALK TO a guy who thinks of her as a stalker? Especially when she has been a victim of stalking in the past andthat's probab ywhy she was being extra careful and wanting to take things slow with me? God, what an idiot I was... Could I have thought of a worse way to hurt the girl I cared about? A girl Iseriously wanted to pursue a LTR with? Did it make me feel any better, having assauged my ego by saying those mean words to her? Nope, I felt like the biggest a-hole on earth. I tried so many times to call her and apologize...she wouldn't take my calls, avoided me at every turn, made it plain she wanted me to leave her alone. So I did, not wanting to be thought of as a stalker myself. She never left my thoughts...even to this day...I think of her as a great lost opportunity in life. And I still regret those words I said and even now wish I could see her again and apologize. Strange thing - when you inflict that kind of emotional pain on some one you care for, it never leaves you. So I'm terribly sorry to hear your story...you might have made the same mistake I did. I just hope in your case you can talk to her and make amends. I hope she will forgive you and you can both have closure to move on...even if you never date again. You must face the strong possiblity that she will not want to date you again after what you did. And get ready for a flood of eternal regret.
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