do i still have a chance? or are my chances gone for good?

[johnnyboy8786]

well my girlfriend and i have been together for a long time (almost 4 years) we had some trouble last year i been unfaithful at one point early in the relationship but i was drunk and we were fighting and it was a huge mistake.. and she didnt find out till about 3 1/2 years later but we made it through.. we then got engaged on new years eve of this year. months went by and we never left eachothers side, then one night i decided i needed to go out with the boys. so i go out and she is calling all night she was so mad that i did not let her come. so i stopped answering at one point i didnt want to argue.

 

so the night is coming to an end and two of my friends are hanging out with a couple girls and he asks if they can come over my place to have a few more beers... i said ya fine, so we go to my house and just 5 mins after being there she walks in my place and thinks im there with these girls but really they were with my two friends. long story short she flips out crying hysterically and then the next morning after she calmed down i explained and my friends talked to her as well and everything was fine.

 

so a couple of months go by and she gets this new job and she starts hanging with co workers i noticed a slight change in her, then it came she wanted to take a break...(its mid june now) her explanation. she wants to make sure this marriage is what she really wants... she says she wants space (but we all know what that means "i met someone new") anyways she denied there being someone else, but then it turned out he was just a friend. then she said they were "talking". so at that point i stepped back and tried to be strong.

 

i had to leave for a while anyway i had to go to france for work for 5 days, so i get back from france we meet up my first night back she comes to pick me up at the airport and we have incredible sex. then she just leaves instead sleeping over like she always does...(odd) so we are seeing eachother again like once a week. we would have sex then she would go again. so at that point i was like screw this i pledged to not see her for a month but that turned into 2 weeks. so its the end of july now and i dont see her for two whole weeks (longest we ever been apart)

 

then we meet on my birthday august 7th it was great she had gifts for me and we went out to eat and then we were hanging out everyday and having wild sex every night for a week straight i was sleeping over her house every night it felt like old times then we planned a trip together and bought tickets to go visit my family then all of suden she changes her mind and says she cant go then she says ya she is gonna go then on the night of trip she doesnt come with me. so im on a plane taking a trip, i did not plan on taking by myself.. then i have a layover in new york. i get a call she says she regrets her decision so she bought a ticket for the next flight.. (crazy huh) so now she is here with me at my familys house and we go to bed and she will not be affectionate with me... i ask why its because she slept with the "friend" i was so mad!! the trip totally went sour.. 2 days passed and i was like **** it lets not be miserable lets make the best of it

 

so we start haveing alot of fun and then the day comes she has to leave (she left early because she had school) so the whole time she was there we did not have sex untill her last day there. i felt we had worked stuff out so when she went back i felt good. then i head back myself and when i get there she is back to the same thing nothing changed i still dont want to be with you.. i say to her "do you love me anymore" she says "i love u im just not in love rite now i need to do my things". im shattered at this point..

 

i dont know what to do so a week and half goes by she asks me if i am taking this class she is taking and i am just on a different day so she asks if i can lend her my book i say sure im done with it... i knew it wasnt the rite the time to see her i wasnt ready but i couldnt resist.. so we meet and hang out for 2 hours and towards the end we are kissing then we parted ways. she forgot her homework in my car so i call her she does not answer she calls back finanly!! she is with him..

 

i flip out we get in this huge argument and i ended up cutting my wrist in front of her house i was not really trying to kill myself i was looking for pity like an idiot....(trying to show her how much she means to me in some wierd emo way)

 

but now im afraid i lost her for good because i did that. its been a week since that happend and we have not had any contact besides the email i wrote to her a few days later apologizing if i made her worry and explaining how i wasnt thinking when i did that... where do i go from here to get my fiance back