ahhhchooo Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 For those of you who don't know the story, I was abandoned in the beginning of August, was told around mid August she'd been with someone else but made a mistake, then told me she had to stay with him cause she might be pregnant.. turned out she was.. somehow this didn't matter to me and my love was just some insane rage - I NEEDED her back. Had some fluffy attempts at NC and then really ended it nearly a week ago telling her to never contact me again. She pretty much NC'd me the entire two months (extremely LC). So.. she came back last night, broke down and begged for me back.. said she'd missed me every single day for the past 2 months and was too scared to tell me. I told her I didn't believe her - I told her to break it off immediately with this guy. She said yes. We talked for about 6 hours straight. She poured her heart out and I told her how she'd made me feel. We had sex.. I was kept awake til 6am but somehow still made it to work. We talked all morning. She has some dude's baby now.. I'm so confused. On on hand I'm certain this is the woman I want to spend my life with, but then I'm uncertain because I'm scared I'm not ready financially to support a child. The guy is the type who wouldn't care about the child and I sure as hell wouldn't want to be bothering asking for child support payments, rather he just not be a part of it, period. There's so many other complications that there's not even a point in listing them. It's tearing me apart now... WHY AM I PLAGUED BY THIS FUZZY THINKING
EmperorR Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Only you can make that decision, if you even decide to get back with her start from the beginning and take things slow, just don't like ya come back move in with me i'll look after everything. I wish i get my second chance:(
Author ahhhchooo Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 And honestly, I'm embarrassed to even be writing this. I know it should seem like an obvious decision. Don't take her back. But it's something I never wanted to give up on and it's strong enough to make me want to get through this with her.
2sunny Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Run! Fast! your words you used are concerning me... specifically the word "abandon" at the beginning of your story... why not the words "she let me?" also i NEEDED her back concerning again! work to make yourself healthy. you really shouldn't NEED someone. only yourself to be happy. the whole baby thing. confusing all the way around. what are you thinking? didn't you know in august that she was DUE to have a baby? and it might not be yours? and since it's not yours you need to stay away from her! no need to be confused or fussy... just get counseling.
Intergalactic Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 the elusive second chance - getting it can be scarier than not getting it, huh? i think you really need to look at whether she's CHANGED. yes, she's crying, yes she's admitting she messed up and misses you and wants you back. but they are WORDS. what's she doing to show you that she is willing to work hard at it this time? when she left you, it wasn't just a break up. you're saying she ABANDONED you, and then basically cut you out of her life. she's pregnant with someone else's child - a someone else she slept with just weeks after abandoning you. you're the only one who can make the decision here, but you need to carefully consider the fact that it's not been enough time for any real changes and personal growth to have been made - which makes it that much more likely that she might do the same thing again. i know this is what you wanted, it's what we all want. but don't let that blind the facts for you.
Davey McG Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 This woman is toxic. RUN! She made her bed and now she can lie in it...or do you want to be the fall back guy? Because that's what you'll be and it'll always be in the back of your mind eating away at you.
CaliGuy Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 If she can dump you and immediately bed another man AND get pregnant by him (how stupid is she?!) once, she can do it again. She took you for granted. She gave up on you easily. Why would you want anyone like that in your life?!? In the it's your choice. She chose to walk away and screw another guy. Why should you be responsible for cleaning up a mess you had nothing to do with?
Author ahhhchooo Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 Yes you're right. All nice and well she broke down and told me everything I wanted to hear. But her actions now just seem weak and her words mean nothing, even though I want them to. I feel like I am just desperately trying to get back what we HAD, but it's not possible for that to exist anymore. At least not with her. I can't trust her and it's made me anxious already. I don't feel any better for it. I will talk to her about it and distance myself from the situation.
CaliGuy Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Yes you're right. All nice and well she broke down and told me everything I wanted to hear. But her actions now just seem weak and her words mean nothing, even though I want them to. I feel like I am just desperately trying to get back what we HAD, but it's not possible for that to exist anymore. At least not with her. I can't trust her and it's made me anxious already. I don't feel any better for it. I will talk to her about it and distance myself from the situation. Remember that she DUMPED you, had sex with another guy, got pregnant and now regrest the decision and wants YOU to clean up HER mess. I wouldn't do it bro. You deserve better than that!
WiseOne1 Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 I would'nt take her back. I don't think its possible. You admitted that you just wanted everything to be like it use to be. How???? Everysingle time over the next 9 months when you look at her stomach your gonna remember the other dude. Everysingle time when you look at the child your gonna remember where he came from and how he got there. And plus even though hes not a good father figuire hes gonna be around the house all the time , like "I got right to see my child" do you wanna deal with that? Everytime you have to explain as to where this child came from its gonna remind you of that guy. Shes using you to clean up her mess like 'Caliguy' said. Everychild deserves a daddy, but that doesnt mean that you have to be it. And I think we all know how good it feels to get a 2nd chance, and I would truly jump to get back with my ex, but if she was pregnant????? Hell no.
Sup Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 I would'nt take her back. I don't think its possible. You admitted that you just wanted everything to be like it use to be. How???? Everysingle time over the next 9 months when you look at her stomach your gonna remember the other dude. Everysingle time when you look at the child your gonna remember where he came from and how he got there. And plus even though hes not a good father figuire hes gonna be around the house all the time , like "I got right to see my child" do you wanna deal with that? Everytime you have to explain as to where this child came from its gonna remind you of that guy. Shes using you to clean up her mess like 'Caliguy' said. Everychild deserves a daddy, but that doesnt mean that you have to be it. And I think we all know how good it feels to get a 2nd chance, and I would truly jump to get back with my ex, but if she was pregnant????? Hell no. Don't you get it? You're her fallback guy. Since the other guy didn't work out she came back to you! What's wrong with that picture? It's not that she loves you for you. She wants you to take care of her riding some other man and getting knocked up! PERIOD! Lose her! She's gonna do this again!
WiseOne1 Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Don't you get it? You're her fallback guy. Since the other guy didn't work out she came back to you! What's wrong with that picture? It's not that she loves you for you. She wants you to take care of her riding some other man and getting knocked up! PERIOD! Lose her! She's gonna do this again! I dont think the dude is going to take her back, I mean theres just so many things wrong with the picture. Bassically she let the other dude nut in her and know whats him to take care of it.
9Lives Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 the question I have is why did she break up with you in the first place? did you do something to her while you was with her? You might been doing stuff too and need to be dumped.
BackonTrack Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Conversation between two friends. John, I love my girlfriend so much, I want to spend my life with her, she is so perfect. Jeff: Thats great John, I am happy for you. John: My girlfriend left me, it happen so suddenly I don't know whats going on, I just want her back so bad. Jeff: Well go get her back John: Well, there is a minor problem, she hasn't contacted me in 2 months. I told her not to, but thats not the half of it. She immediately hooked up with some dude and he came inside her and now she's pregnaught and the guy she left me for is turning her away. Jeff: So she left you and she had sex with another man and she got pregnaught??? and you still want to marry her? John: Yes Jeff, It doesn't matter. I will raise the kid that is not mine, I will love it and I will love her. I just want her Jeff Jeff: So lets get this straight, she left you, she hooked up with another dude, it didn't work out and now she wants you back? And in the process she got knocked up and she is keeping it? Jeff: Yes Jeff, I don't care if she pisses in my face, cheats on me again and totally make fun of me, I love her and I don't care what anyone thinks of me, I am going to stick by her. John: Well, Good luck to you Jeff. Hey, can I throw your divorce party? I'll keep it on stand-bye for when she does this to you again.
9Lives Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Conversation between two friends. John, I love my girlfriend so much, I want to spend my life with her, she is so perfect. Jeff: Thats great John, I am happy for you. John: My girlfriend left me, it happen so suddenly I don't know whats going on, I just want her back so bad. Jeff: Well go get her back John: Well, there is a minor problem, she hasn't contacted me in 2 months. I told her not to, but thats not the half of it. She immediately hooked up with some dude and he came inside her and now she's pregnaught and the guy she left me for is turning her away. Jeff: So she left you and she had sex with another man and she got pregnaught??? and you still want to marry her? John: Yes Jeff, It doesn't matter. I will raise the kid that is not mine, I will love it and I will love her. I just want her Jeff Jeff: So lets get this straight, she left you, she hooked up with another dude, it didn't work out and now she wants you back? And in the process she got knocked up and she is keeping it? Jeff: Yes Jeff, I don't care if she pisses in my face, cheats on me again and totally make fun of me, I love her and I don't care what anyone thinks of me, I am going to stick by her. John: Well, Good luck to you Jeff. Hey, can I throw your divorce party? I'll keep it on stand-bye for when she does this to you again. :laugh:...wow. that was funny. i would call this the b/itch slap into reality
Author ahhhchooo Posted September 28, 2008 Author Posted September 28, 2008 Yeah.. I deserved that. For the record, the only problem I'm aware I caused was perhaps becoming too eager/clingy in the last month of the relationship. It feels good to make a genuine decision to not persue this relationship any further and decide to work on my own life instead. I will miss her, but I will find someone better.. I don't care how long it takes since there's so much I have to get done in the meantime. Day 2 of NC
You'reasian Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Good choice! Stay strong. Avoid this woman and find the one that has made herself truly ready for you.
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