spookie Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 So, say you are single, and so is your boss. There is a lot of attraction and mutual respect there. You have some things in common and you just really LIKE him. And then you get transferred to another department in the company, so he's no longer your boss, but he's still a VP. Is he still off-limits? Completely, under any conditions, forever? You're just not allowed to date anyone higher up on the management scale, cause that's a pro-quo case waiting to happen, but anyone not higher or lower than you is ok-but-not-advisable? How does that work?
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Check your employees manual for guidelines on fraternization. Beyond that, if there aren't any and you're not in the same line of reporting and he's not previously committed, go for it. One word of warning. Try not to date someone who's physically situated close to you. It can get awkward if it doesn't work out.
Green Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 well the practical advice is don't do it... but if there was some really hot chick that I wanted I wouldn't care if she was a vp and I'd make some kind of sly sneaky move at it that I could later deny incase I was rejected or caught
Jilly Bean Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 It's NEVER smart to dip your pen in the company ink, Spook. If and when things go south, who's to say he doesn't take it hard, and has his buddy in HR, or his buddy, your new boss, fire you? Just not worth it, IMO. Plus, it makes you a lot less of a team player if people find out you are dating a superior, even if you are not a direct report.
Green Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 It's NEVER smart to dip your pen in the company ink, Spook. If and when things go south, who's to say he doesn't take it hard, and has his buddy in HR, or his buddy, your new boss, fire you? Just not worth it, IMO. Plus, it makes you a lot less of a team player if people find out you are dating a superior, even if you are not a direct report. yeah and whos to say she cant use this to her advantage and sleep her way up too the top
Author spookie Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 Check your employees manual for guidelines on fraternization. Beyond that, if there aren't any and you're not in the same line of reporting and he's not previously committed, go for it. One word of warning. Try not to date someone who's physically situated close to you. It can get awkward if it doesn't work out. I'm fairly sure the manaul says the same line of reporting is not allowed, but otherwise it's ok. That just seems weird to me because it's a small company with lots of movement between departments and only 40-45 people doing what I'm doing, so it's more than likely he could still be my boss in the future. I think for sure that regardless of the HR issues it would be inadvisable. I bet people would automatically assume I was sleeping with him to get ahead, or something. It doens't help that I am literally the only single female in that place; on top of all the day to day unintnetional sexual discrimination/ favors, I don't want to be thought of as somebody using her feminine powers to get ahead.
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I'm fairly sure the manaul says the same line of reporting is not allowed, but otherwise it's ok. That just seems weird to me because it's a small company with lots of movement between departments and only 40-45 people doing what I'm doing, so it's more than likely he could still be my boss in the future. I think for sure that regardless of the HR issues it would be inadvisable. I bet people would automatically assume I was sleeping with him to get ahead, or something. It doens't help that I am literally the only single female in that place; on top of all the day to day unintnetional sexual discrimination/ favors, I don't want to be thought of as somebody using her feminine powers to get ahead. People get petty in any environment. If you're not in the same line of reporting, no one can accuse you of sleeping your way upwards. If they do, shrug it off. Who really cares what a bunch of petty people think? If you end up in the same line of reporting and people know about it, you might be forced to leave the company if the relationship continues.
Author spookie Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 People get petty in any environment. If you're not in the same line of reporting, no one can accuse you of sleeping your way upwards. If they do, shrug it off. Who really cares what a bunch of petty people think? If you end up in the same line of reporting and people know about it, you might be forced to leave the company if the relationship continues. Hm. I'm definitely not ready for a relationship with that level of secrecy. Actually, I'm not ready for any relationship, which is why I'm perfectly content with him just being my boss for now. I just don't want to get depressed about a 0% chance of future, so I wanted to know what would happen if I got transferred (which is happening in a couple of months).
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Hm. I'm definitely not ready for a relationship with that level of secrecy. Actually, I'm not ready for any relationship, which is why I'm perfectly content with him just being my boss for now. I just don't want to get depressed about a 0% chance of future, so I wanted to know what would happen if I got transferred (which is happening in a couple of months). Understood but for the love of all that you hold dear, don't sleep with him. You'll find a lot of guys will kiss and tell in an office, over drunk ONSs with the new girl. A reflection of their manhood... This will guaranteed get you a label you don't want.
Author spookie Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 Ok, another question. I PROMISE that nothing is going on, or that I will not attempt to make something go on, but do you guys think he likes me, or that he's being a really hands-on boss? He has been spending an increasing amount of time working with me - starting off from just a few hours a week to 2-3 hours a day. He was actually TT's boss over the summer, and I'm pretty sure their relationship was different- my boss made TT do the same thing over and over agian, which another guy showed him how to do, wheras I've been put on a bunch of groups, introduced to a bunch of people, and I'm completely in charge of a few small projects, on top of helping him on some of his big ones. I don't know if it's cause I'm good at my job, there's more demand for certain things to be done now than there was in the summer, or if my boss just likes spending time with me so he makes me do s!ht that takes lots of explaining and reporting. In my gut I think it's a combo of 1 and 3, because there are a couple of other people that he could ask to do this stuff instead but he gives them comparable assignments that take no interaction at all but has been spending all his time talking to me. A bunch of the guys play bridge at lunchtime, and I had expressed interest in joining their tables. B. got excited as soon as I mentioned this and took me and other people down today so they could show me how it's played. We ended up down there for literally two hours, during which he explained all the rules and strategies - and then, upstairs, pulled a chair next to me in my cubicle and spent another hour going over some of the stuff I've been doing. Yes, he needed to know it, but he could have chosen to communicate the same way my old boss did - by emailing me, or asking me to come to his office, where it always seems less personal than at my computer looking over the same printouts at my desk, or whatever. What do you guys think?
Author spookie Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 sleep with him nija style No, I'm not crazy, I'm not going to do that. With him I wouldn't just be interested in sex/ screwing with his mind, anyway. He's the first MAN I've been attracted to - the others were boys. This chemistry feels completely different, and I am much more cautious.
Green Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 No, I'm not crazy, I'm not going to do that. With him I wouldn't just be interested in sex/ screwing with his mind, anyway. He's the first MAN I've been attracted to - the others were boys. This chemistry feels completely different, and I am much more cautious. Well then theres your problem, you've built him up to soon in your mind, you shouldn't really start judging this stuff till you start dating him. But your practicaly in love with him so go ahead do something......
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 spookie, the examples you gave give the impression that he's still your boss. Is he or isn't he your boss?
Green Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 spookie, the examples you gave give the impression that he's still your boss. Is he or isn't he your boss? who knows its a small company and he's some kind of VP it just sounds like a bad idea... but she's obviously in love or atleast enamoured with this guy so its full speed ahead... well its not all up to her anyways this guy might be professional... although it sounds like hes falling for her too so its probably going to happen
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 who knows its a small company and he's some kind of VP it just sounds like a bad idea... but she's obviously in love or atleast enamoured with this guy so its full speed ahead... well its not all up to her anyways this guy might be professional... although it sounds like hes falling for her too so its probably going to happen It matters a lot if they have non-frat rules in the same line of reporting. Of the two, guess who will probably be fired first or at all?
Author spookie Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 spookie, the examples you gave give the impression that he's still your boss. Is he or isn't he your boss? Yes, but I'm getting transferred to another department before the end of this year.
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Yes, but I'm getting transferred to another department before the end of this year.Then wait until after the move. Does he know you're being transferred? If so, most department heads wouldn't be putting so much time into an employee who's moving on. If not, he might just be grooming you.
Author spookie Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 Then wait until after the move. Does he know you're being transferred? If so, most department heads wouldn't be putting so much time into an employee who's moving on. If not, he might just be grooming you. He definitely knows, he was the one who told me about that. That's why I don't understand why he'd put all this effort in, unless he liked me - although, it's felt to me that the general morale of this company is to help everyone out, so maybe he's just doing his best to make sure I learn a lot or something. Plus he has no experience being a boss, so maybe the general rules don't apply. Of course I am waiting until after the move, if at all. I don't think I've come close to doing anything unprofessional yet. It's just making me try a lot harder.
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 He definitely knows, he was the one who told me about that. That's why I don't understand why he'd put all this effort in, unless he liked me - although, it's felt to me that the general morale of this company is to help everyone out, so maybe he's just doing his best to make sure I learn a lot or something. You'll know for certain after you move. An assertive "man" type, will ask you out if he's interested. For the interim, keep learning and progressing to get some benefit from what he's willing to teach (note I didn't say "show") you.
Author spookie Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 You'll know for certain after you move. An assertive "man" type, will ask you out if he's interested. For the interim, keep learning and progressing to get some benefit from what he's willing to teach (note I didn't say "show") you. Ugh. I don't think anyone's legitimately asked me out... ever. I don't think I'm unattractive but I must be pretty unapproachable.
Author spookie Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 Anyway I really need to stay away from dating while there's still such a huge divide in my mind between who I am and who I want to be. I don't think I can have high self esteem before I get ALL my s!ht straightened out, which might take months, if not years; and there's no point in dating when you have low self esteem - all you end up doing is making enemies.
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Ugh. I don't think anyone's legitimately asked me out... ever. I don't think I'm unattractive but I must be pretty unapproachable. You're just impatient so you ask these guys out before they get up the nerve to ask you out.
Author spookie Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 Does anyone have any experience dating an ex-supervisor? What was your relationship like when you were working together?
Nemo Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I think you should have sex with him. As soon as possible.
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