Mike B. Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Just to give a little background (My orginal post is on the first page currently): (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t164555/ Since it is a long read I will give a bit of a summary: My ex gf of one year and I broke up a little over to weeks ago after I found out she had been having a lot of phone conversation with a coworkers of ours over the phone. This coworker had been hitting on her and asking her out almost every since we had been dating. She stated that she wasn't even attracted to him and told me about many of the times he would come into one of the rooms at out workplace and ask for her number or ask her out. Since we both had not made our relationship public and I worked relatively closely with the guy, I didn't make a big deal of it. Anyway, I got angry when I looked through her phone after a month of acting very suspicious including hiding her cellphone in drawers. I never looked through it whenever I discovered the phone in an obscure place except when she just began to send to many red flags. I found out they had been talking at all times of the day and even late night. They were calling each other. I was very stunned that she would have the audacity to start something with someone we worked with so closely together with. I was bound to find out. So the breakup was nasty and I haven't contacted her since. She contacted me on three occasions since. Twice to ask me if I was okay since I was pretty angry at her when I left (one voicemail and one text). The other time was an email saying that she never cheated on me and that all she will say on the subject matter from here on. She showed no remorse and we haven't talked in over two weeks. At work we just pretend that the other is not there but she continues to intercat with the other guy (our coworker) So the coworker and I are often alone doing work separately in this one conference room. Today, while I was reading and he was at the PC doing work, My ex walked into the room (I am not sure if she realized I was there) and she started asking work-related questions that seem to not have been necessary to even ask. Anyway, in the afternoon, I thought she may be tempted to come back in the conference room hoping to catch him alone so I moved the chair I was sitting in of into a corner that could not easily be seen from the doorway. in other words, you will have to fully walk into the room to notice I was there. All of a sudden I see my ex walk into the room a path to the guy she gets halfway to him, to a point she can fully see me, then quickly turns back around to leave while yelling for another coworker to get her attention. Playing it off? I know this might be crazy but somehow I wish I just had the solid truth without making myself look like an a**. I know I have enough to have broken up with her but something inside me just want to see the flat out truth. I don't want to contact her at all but I do just want the plain truth.
0hpenelope Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I read your first post, bro. I'm sorry that you came across a female such as herself (just based on how she's treating you - I'm not judging her entire person, but her behavior is speaking volumes that's hard to not 'hear'). I hope you know that not all of us are like that. I think that the reason why things are still the way they are is because she knows how affected you are. You may think that from your perspective, you're not showing any reaction, but you should try harder. Don't snoop around anymore... you got the 'truth' you were seeking, but you're still not satisfied. Nothing that she has to give will make you content with things. Just take care of yourself now, bro. She's with him, they're going to do what they want and you'll be ok.
BCCA Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 The other time was an email saying that she never cheated on me and that all she will say on the subject matter from here on. Geez, what a b***h. Guilty conciuos much? To me, and I've been studying human psychology for about 5 years now, she probably acted innapropriately with the guy, but they never sealed the deal, hence 'no cheating'. A lot of people dont see that emotional cheating is just as devistating, and that lying is the worst way to make yourself appear trustworthy. I have had debates with friends who stick to the mentality that 'cheating' only occurs when your reproductive organs mingle. Not even close. I can give you the truth: she is selfish and didn't care how her actions effected you. Anything from her is going to be self-serving, im-not-such-a-bad-person, garbage. Doubt any of it is going to be more than 23-30% true. Make your own conclusion, you dont owe it to her or anyone else to wait for all the facts to come in and analyze your findings before drawing a conclusion. Youll never hear what you want from her. Im not rubbing it in, but we all need to learn from our mistakes. I would think long and hard before starting a relationship with someone at work. Aside from the old saying about going to the bathroom where you eat, its also not a great place to identify peoples motives. You were both at the same place (work) for 40 hours a week, and something evolved. If you met her at a bar, would you have even dated her/or her you? Was there anything about her, other than she was the best option in the office, that attracted you two together? Just food for thought. Avoid work relationships, and childish behavior. I would act like she was invisible.
Author Mike B. Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 The other time was an email saying that she never cheated on me and that all she will say on the subject matter from here on. Geez, what a b***h. Guilty conciuos much? To me, and I've been studying human psychology for about 5 years now, she probably acted innapropriately with the guy, but they never sealed the deal, hence 'no cheating'. A lot of people dont see that emotional cheating is just as devistating, and that lying is the worst way to make yourself appear trustworthy. I have had debates with friends who stick to the mentality that 'cheating' only occurs when your reproductive organs mingle. Not even close. I can give you the truth: she is selfish and didn't care how her actions effected you. Anything from her is going to be self-serving, im-not-such-a-bad-person, garbage. Doubt any of it is going to be more than 23-30% true. Make your own conclusion, you dont owe it to her or anyone else to wait for all the facts to come in and analyze your findings before drawing a conclusion. Youll never hear what you want from her. Im not rubbing it in, but we all need to learn from our mistakes. I would think long and hard before starting a relationship with someone at work. Aside from the old saying about going to the bathroom where you eat, its also not a great place to identify peoples motives. You were both at the same place (work) for 40 hours a week, and something evolved. If you met her at a bar, would you have even dated her/or her you? Was there anything about her, other than she was the best option in the office, that attracted you two together? Just food for thought. Avoid work relationships, and childish behavior. I would act like she was invisible. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Thanks for the replies. I greatly appreciate them. Although I can never take her back even if she were to ask me in the future. Two things just really gnaws at me these days:[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]That she would be so bold and disrespectful to start talking to someone right under my nose at our job. To have been busted and be so callous and cold-hearted towards me when I have always done right by her. It is just not right to me that she gets to have her cake after playing the guy and I like this.[/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]2. I do not have full closure. Like you said, she is a liar and certainly not going to tell the truth. I am so tempted to just approach the guy, of course in a friendly manner, and just ask him for the truth. A couple of my buddies said they would probably just ask the guy so that they would know the truth and also, it could be a warning to the other guy about what type of woman she is. The guy and I actually get along well and do not have any sort of friction between us. I don’t think he knows that I used to date her.[/sIZE][/FONT]
movingonandon Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 The other time was an email saying that she never cheated on me and that all she will say on the subject matter from here on. Geez, what a b***h. Guilty conciuos much? To me, and I've been studying human psychology for about 5 years now, she probably acted innapropriately with the guy, but they never sealed the deal, hence 'no cheating'. A lot of people dont see that emotional cheating is just as devistating, and that lying is the worst way to make yourself appear trustworthy. I have had debates with friends who stick to the mentality that 'cheating' only occurs when your reproductive organs mingle. Not even close. I can give you the truth: she is selfish and didn't care how her actions effected you. Anything from her is going to be self-serving, im-not-such-a-bad-person, garbage. Doubt any of it is going to be more than 23-30% true. Make your own conclusion, you dont owe it to her or anyone else to wait for all the facts to come in and analyze your findings before drawing a conclusion. Youll never hear what you want from her. Im not rubbing it in, but we all need to learn from our mistakes. I would think long and hard before starting a relationship with someone at work. Aside from the old saying about going to the bathroom where you eat, its also not a great place to identify peoples motives. You were both at the same place (work) for 40 hours a week, and something evolved. If you met her at a bar, would you have even dated her/or her you? Was there anything about her, other than she was the best option in the office, that attracted you two together? Just food for thought. Avoid work relationships, and childish behavior. I would act like she was invisible. wow, the above comment applies in so many situations; good post;
BCCA Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I wouldnt say anything to the guy because chances are he isnt going to believe you or care. He'll probably go run and tell her what you said, she'll say youre a liar (ironic, right?) and he'll believe her sadly because shes a woman and he wants to believe that she is a great person that happens to like him. As for it not being fair, its not ever going to be. Life is frustrating at times because we scratch our heads and wonder why we deserved the fate handed to us. Thing is, to appreciate the view from the top of the mountain, you need a perspective from the bottom from time to time. I doubt that shes going to go on with life happy as can be everyday and youre going to continue to get slighted. She's probably hanging out with the guy at least 50% just to get to you and be a jerk. She probably isnt even half as happy as she seems, and this guy is more than likely a pawn. Dont play her game, make your own. In your game she is invisible and should be avoided like the plague. Take the high road, but expect to walk alone. Thats the best way to keep your dignity and sanity.
Author Mike B. Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 I wouldnt say anything to the guy because chances are he isnt going to believe you or care. He'll probably go run and tell her what you said, she'll say youre a liar (ironic, right?) and he'll believe her sadly because shes a woman and he wants to believe that she is a great person that happens to like him. As for it not being fair, its not ever going to be. Life is frustrating at times because we scratch our heads and wonder why we deserved the fate handed to us. Thing is, to appreciate the view from the top of the mountain, you need a perspective from the bottom from time to time. I doubt that shes going to go on with life happy as can be everyday and youre going to continue to get slighted. She's probably hanging out with the guy at least 50% just to get to you and be a jerk. She probably isnt even half as happy as she seems, and this guy is more than likely a pawn. Dont play her game, make your own. In your game she is invisible and should be avoided like the plague. Take the high road, but expect to walk alone. Thats the best way to keep your dignity and sanity. You are right, BCCA. Your words just make too much sense for me to approach the guy. I just have to let her have her cake. I will take the highroad.
BCCA Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 You are right, BCCA. Your words just too much sense for me to approach the guy. I just have to let her have her cake. I will take the highroad. Mark my words, it will be her hollowest victory. She probably doesnt even like the cake she's eating, per say, if you get what Im saying. A lot of people just yearn for attention, and dont care where its from. She turned the guy down how many times, dated you and talked to him at the same time, and now that youre out of the picture, he'll do as a source of attention. Neither one of them are ever going to be really happy. Let them both waste each others time. I would be everything I owned that this dude is little more than a pawn. Shes going to use him and spit him out, unless he catches on and does the same to her. Either way, nothing to be jealous of. I certainly wouldnt want to sign up for that.
Author Mike B. Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 Mark my words, it will be her hollowest victory. She probably doesnt even like the cake she's eating, per say, if you get what Im saying. A lot of people just yearn for attention, and dont care where its from. She turned the guy down how many times, dated you and talked to him at the same time, and now that youre out of the picture, he'll do as a source of attention. Neither one of them are ever going to be really happy. Let them both waste each others time. I would be everything I owned that this dude is little more than a pawn. Shes going to use him and spit him out, unless he catches on and does the same to her. Either way, nothing to be jealous of. I certainly wouldnt want to sign up for that. Thank you. Well, I am sure glad I posted this before talking with the guy...realkly glad.
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