Author premiumjet Posted September 28, 2008 Author Posted September 28, 2008 rofl = rolling on floor laughing (add a "mao" at the end and it adds "my @ss off") On topic, leave her alone. You evidently cheated on her. There are no further mixed signals. You start out at ground zero and she owns the ground you walk on. Capische? Thanks for explaining. I want to make it up to her but I dont know how.
Author premiumjet Posted September 28, 2008 Author Posted September 28, 2008 premiumjet, you don't seem to really show much remorse for the cheating itself. You started this thread concerned about sex, and only mention things like "But I miss her, etc." Do you not have any concern for her feelings here? Have you thought about what it was like for her to put up with your cheating? Just by looking at your other thread, it seems as if you're incapable of empathy. When she asked why you cheated on her, you got really defensive and threw a fit, claiming "You two had sex too early anyway!" It just seems like you rarely, if ever, take her thoughts and feelings into consideration. Just reading your replies in that thread alone makes me a little queasy. You two should definitely not be together. Sometimes in moments of close proximity/pseudo-intimacy, it's easy for people to get physical only because it's familiar to them and because it's "comfortable" to some extent. She probably made out with you for a bit merely because it was "just something you did," but quickly came to her senses and realized that it would have been a bad idea. I think that's a very commendable example of self-control, but I am absolutely shocked that she even let you sleep in the same bed in the first place. Regardless, you really shouldn't be asking about why she didn't have sex with you. I think the reasons for that are incredibly clear and obvious. You haven't really given any sort of concrete reasons as to why you supposedly like this girl, and so I'm not entirely convinced that you are "wanting her" for the right reasons. All I've seen so far... is you basically exploiting her trust and taking advantage of emotional malleabilities, and this is manipulative and wrong. Let her heal. Move on and try to be faithful next time. Do you think she's weak for letting me sleep in her bed and making out with me? I'm not sure about what you said about her coming to her senses, or even how hurt she is. She doesn't act hurt or even mad but she did act far away from me, distant I guess. She texted me once but I havent heard from her since that.
Vertex Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Is there some sort of disconnect here? It almost feels like you don't actually listen to what anyone is saying to you. You SAY you do, but your posts indicate that you're basically disregarding everything. You're basically hinging so much of your logic on corrupted power. You use excuses like "But she always took me back" or "She is weak/she's an easy pushover" in a lot of your posts. You've blamed her in the past for not being strong enough to break up with you when you were texting other girls, as opposed to when you actually cheated physically. You've also belittled her for "sleeping with you so quickly" and therefore assumed she wasn't girlfriend material/was some kind of whore. Over and over, you refer to her as someone who is basically beneath you and has no strength. So much of this reasoning is just plain wrong. It's like you justify your deplorable actions on the fact that she should be weak enough to allow it because of how she's acted in the past. Just because she took your crap in the past doesn't mean she should take your crap in the present and future. You've treated her very poorly, and so it's not hard to understand why she wouldn't want to really talk to you. People aren't going to let you walk all over them forever. You've taken advantage of this poor girl's feelings and don't seem to view her as an equal, but rather someone below you who you think should blindly accept your actions. You've cheated too many times, and this simply raises too many red flags that make it clear you two need to move on. I'd argue she's strong for being able to reject your attempts to have sex. You need to respect this. Clearly she's come to her senses by realizing that she deserves better than someone who preys off the insecurities of others. She is trying to move on, and you should too.
ioncebelieved Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 Is there some sort of disconnect here? It almost feels like you don't actually listen to what anyone is saying to you. You SAY you do, but your posts indicate that you're basically disregarding everything. You're basically hinging so much of your logic on corrupted power. You use excuses like "But she always took me back" or "She is weak/she's an easy pushover" in a lot of your posts. You've blamed her in the past for not being strong enough to break up with you when you were texting other girls, as opposed to when you actually cheated physically. You've also belittled her for "sleeping with you so quickly" and therefore assumed she wasn't girlfriend material/was some kind of whore. Over and over, you refer to her as someone who is basically beneath you and has no strength. So much of this reasoning is just plain wrong. It's like you justify your deplorable actions on the fact that she should be weak enough to allow it because of how she's acted in the past. Just because she took your crap in the past doesn't mean she should take your crap in the present and future. You've treated her very poorly, and so it's not hard to understand why she wouldn't want to really talk to you. People aren't going to let you walk all over them forever. You've taken advantage of this poor girl's feelings and don't seem to view her as an equal, but rather someone below you who you think should blindly accept your actions. You've cheated too many times, and this simply raises too many red flags that make it clear you two need to move on. I'd argue she's strong for being able to reject your attempts to have sex. You need to respect this. Clearly she's come to her senses by realizing that she deserves better than someone who preys off the insecurities of others. She is trying to move on, and you should too. UH HUH!!! Kind of like saying that person let me rob them. Does that make it right? Does it justify the horrible behavior? HELL NO!!! At least allow this mixed up woman a chance to heal some before you start back with her. You ask what are you suppose to do? You are suppose to be a man about your affairs and quite simply it is going to be wrong to get back with her because she allows it. Something sounds bad about her, like destroyed self esteem. Be kind and let her go until enough time has passed. Otherwise you are just cruel and it will come back to get ya.
BCCA Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Do you think she's weak for letting me sleep in her bed and making out with me? I'm not sure about what you said about her coming to her senses, or even how hurt she is. She doesn't act hurt or even mad but she did act far away from me, distant I guess. She texted me once but I havent heard from her since that. Vertex is absolutely right. You've not only shown no remorse for what you've done in the past, you've also shown no signs that you actually want to make things right with this girl in hopes of developing a meaningful relationship. You just want to add her name to the booty call/casual company list. Instead of going on about how weak-willed and dependent she is, maybe you should actually take some peoples advice on leaving her alone, realizing you were a complete douche, and trying harder next time to be a decent guy. Leave this poor girl alone, permanently. Hopefully that text message will be the last one from her.
9Lives Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I dont want to hurt her any more. I just got mixed signals that night and was trying to understand them. I dont only want sex and nothing else from her. I miss time with her and talking about my day with her too. I dont know how to show her all of this? Premiumjet, I dont know your whole story but it sounds like to me you did not treat this girl well and like you are a selfish person. I dated two selfish men and they are just like you. It is all about you, you,you. If someone loves you...try to love them..not what they can do for you or whatever...that person. If you dont love that person, make a change but you still should do it with respect to the other person. Now look at your actions...not good
Author premiumjet Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 Something sounds bad about her, like destroyed self esteem. Be kind and let her go until enough time has passed. Otherwise you are just cruel and it will come back to get ya. Yea I talked to other pe0ple about it and they said the same thing, that a normal girl wouldnt put up with so much of my fooling around. I guess I took her for as far as I could then and now I pay the price. and she hasnt answered me in days so I guess its the end of the road. But 9lives, isnt that what we all do, basically just use each other?
9Lives Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 But 9lives, isnt that what we all do, basically just use each other? no dude...let's do this, lets start a post asking what is difference between caring for someone and using someone.
Author premiumjet Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Most everyone says to leave her alone but its so hard and I miss her. Does she miss me or does she just hate me? She must miss me a little since she let me sleep over but I dont know anymore. I really blew it! Dont ever do what I did! I was selfish and its not worth it. I think part of me always wanted to be sure I'd be the one to break up first so I made sure I had options that would make it easier for me to do that. She'll never understand that or forgive me will she?
Crazy.S Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 wow you cheated to see if you got options? i'm surprised she even let you stay over. you have some ****ed up logic going on. and no she wont understand that
Author premiumjet Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 wow you cheated to see if you got options? i'm surprised she even let you stay over. you have some ****ed up logic going on. and no she wont understand that Well we talked about that at the begining of our relationship alot, about how important it is to keep options open in life. I mean I know she has lots of options, there are lots of guys interested in her. Maybeone of them has swooped in now and thats whats going on too, besides her being hurt and mad and whatever else.
Dmoney28 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 wow...just wow. I cheated on my ex...and i had to go through hell just to meet face to face...and i was remorseful and repented. Man...dude, take this from someone who also cheated, your a f'ing jerk. at least want her back for love, not sex
RainbowBlue Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 She let you come over to talk, not to get back together again. Women tend to make love, not have 'sex' - and so being intimate with you would have meant an emotional connection that she did not want because you guys are not back together. There is a big difference to women between sex and making love. I think its great you guys could talk, that was nice. I'm sorry you are confused. She sounds like a strong and reasonable woman who knows who she is and what she wants. If you want to remain friends, be cool. Forget about sex. If you get back together, then take it slow until she is feeling sure about it and then you will get sex!
RainbowBlue Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Dont ever do what I did! I was selfish and its not worth it. I think part of me always wanted to be sure I'd be the one to break up first so I made sure I had options that would make it easier for me to do that. She'll never understand that or forgive me will she? You need to know who you are and what you want. Fidelity is very important to most women. This sounds like an important lesson for you - when you find someone special, treat her right...no matter what opportunities arise. Be a man and be proud of how true you are to the woman in your life. I give you lots of credit for breaking up before you took up any options. Some guys don;t even do that, they road-test their options before they leave - for that a woman would find it hard to forgive. If she means alot to you, fight for her. She will test your love - be prepared for that, stand firm in your love for her and prove you are worth it. There are no guarantees, you can only do the best you can. Don't hurt her anymore than you already have. Women have alot in their hearts and their hearts are fragile. Only fight if you are sure you want her - and not because you want her now simply because she is harder to get.
GoGators2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Well we talked about that at the begining of our relationship alot, about how important it is to keep options open in life. I mean I know she has lots of options, there are lots of guys interested in her. Maybeone of them has swooped in now and thats whats going on too, besides her being hurt and mad and whatever else. Leave this girl alone, you cheated on her, tell yourself that she deserves better than you, which she prolly does, and besides even if you do get back together with her, she will never trust you completely, and in a short period of time you'll be right back to where you are right now. Breakups that involve infidelity work 0.0% of the times in building back a healthy relationship. ps - if she has a lotta options, then ur pretty much done, she prolly knows she can do better than you
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