premiumjet Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 We broke up about a month and a half ago. She stopped taking my calls and texts for awhile, but finally let me come over to talk. It was good, but she was a little quiet at first, then started asking me questions about things, catching up. I live far from her and it was late so she said I could spend the night. We slept in the same bed and made out for a second, but she stopped real quik and that was it. I asked her why and she said because maybe she'd be mad at herself in the morning. Can anyone explain this to me?
zxcirce Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Maybe i can help. She didn't want to have sex with you. That was easy.
audrey_1 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Did you break up with her? If yes, she acted correctly or should have politely asked you to leave regardless of the circumstance. If no, then she's still not sure of her feelings for you and doesn't want to do anything that causes regret or to unfairly lead you on, which is understandable.
Konfuzion Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 He cheated on her and got caught, I am sure she is very confused.
audrey_1 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 He cheated on her and got caught, I am sure she is very confused. Oh now I remember...thanks for the reminder. Dude, you're lucky you got that far. Please don't mess with this girl's head. You're using her as your ego trip and doing damage to her self-esteem and future relationship potential with someone who would take her best interests to heart. If you're not patient with her, to see how she feels about you, then leave her be. It seems like all you want is sex. Find it with those who approach it with as little regard for emotion as you do. That way, no one gets hurt.
Author premiumjet Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 I'm not sure I understand the ego trip thing. I dont get it? My buddy said I just want her because I can't have her.
BCCA Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I'm not sure I understand the ego trip thing. I dont get it? My buddy said I just want her because I can't have her. Premiumjet, You cheated REPEATEDLY on this girl. You are only now remorseful becuase the gig is up, and she is slowly starting to see things clearly. If all you want from this girl is sex, then you are really turning into a creep, and you should leave the poor girl alone. she loved you, you did not love her. Thats a rough hand to be dealt, and the last thing she needs is you making her crazy. Since you dont want a relationship with her, obviously, then the only other thing that leaves is sex. Being able to call a girl and get laid is an ego boost, which is where that comment came from. Its just cruel what youre doing. You only want her to put up with you and sleep with you. You dont want HER at all, only access to her body. Stop trying to spin things and make it look like youre trying to be a nice guy, you really arent. Youre being really selfish, and if you care about this girl AT ALL, you'll do the right thing and dissapear from her life. Enough is enough. Let her get her life back in order.
Geishawhelk Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 .... I asked her why and she said because maybe she'd be mad at herself in the morning. Can anyone explain this to me? Yes. Basically, if she had let herself have sex with you, she would have degraded, demeaned and devalued herself, and sold herself as cheap and easy. The fact that she let you stay the night was generous. The fact that she let you share her bed was extraordinary. The fact that she 'stopped real quik' is highly admirable and commendable, and I salute her for her self control, dignity and presence. You're really rather dense if you need it explained.....
BCCA Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Yes. Basically, if she had let herself have sex with you, she would have degraded, demeaned and devalued herself, and sold herself as cheap and easy. The fact that she let you stay the night was generous. The fact that she let you share her bed was extraordinary. The fact that she 'stopped real quik' is highly admirable and commendable, and I salute her for her self control, dignity and presence. You're really rather dense if you need it explained..... I still cant tell 100% if this is serious or meant as a troll post. How anyone can treat a girl like crap over and over, and then balk when she says no sex is beyond me. And I almost feel like he wants advise on how to make her fall for it again so he can do the same thing all over. I dont get what youre searching for, premiumjet. No one here is going to tell you that anything you've done to this poor girl has been anything short of aweful.
audrey_1 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I still cant tell 100% if this is serious or meant as a troll post. How anyone can treat a girl like crap over and over, and then balk when she says no sex is beyond me. And I almost feel like he wants advise on how to make her fall for it again so he can do the same thing all over. I dont get what youre searching for, premiumjet. No one here is going to tell you that anything you've done to this poor girl has been anything short of aweful. The goal here is not to give advice that could potentially hurt someone. Sorry.
westernxer Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Can anyone explain this to me? She's your ex, and she's not into ex-sex.
Author premiumjet Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 The goal here is not to give advice that could potentially hurt someone. Sorry. I dont want to hurt her any more. I just got mixed signals that night and was trying to understand them. I dont only want sex and nothing else from her. I miss time with her and talking about my day with her too. I dont know how to show her all of this?
Karma101 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 She Let Me Come Over But No Sex??? LOL. You should not be allowed to date. Anyone. Ever.
lofi_tokyo Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I dont want to hurt her any more. I just got mixed signals that night and was trying to understand them. I dont only want sex and nothing else from her. I miss time with her and talking about my day with her too. I dont know how to show her all of this? PremiumJet, -> look at what you just wrote! YOU miss talking to her about YOUR day. You say you don't just want sex, and I think you're right, but it sounds like the other things you want are the comfort of having someone to listen to you and be dedicated to you... which she was, but is not now. The big thing is, you're not listing the things you loved about her or appreciated about her, you're listing kind of shallow and general things about her you could have with anyone really. If you really want HER back. You miss making her smile, you miss taking care of her, you miss her gestures, her views of the world... then okay, maybe you can try to work things out with her. But from the sounds of it, she is still hurting. Even if she did take you back - that essential trust between you and her will have been shattered. You need to stop thinking about why she isnt taking you back, and instead start thinking about how you need to change to be deserving of her. Your mindset in this seems kinda selfish, if you're serious about wanting her back and not hurting her, you need to start thinking outside yourself, and start thinking about her as a person who is hurting badly. Even saying she gave you "baby eyes" or crying eyes or whatever it was is patronizing. You're reducing her sadness to a face of an infant. You need to recognise her hurt and her side of things fully before you should pursue her.
ioncebelieved Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I still cant tell 100% if this is serious or meant as a troll post. How anyone can treat a girl like crap over and over, and then balk when she says no sex is beyond me. And I almost feel like he wants advise on how to make her fall for it again so he can do the same thing all over. I dont get what youre searching for, premiumjet. No one here is going to tell you that anything you've done to this poor girl has been anything short of aweful. What really sucks is when you were the total opposite of this and still got jerked around. At least my experience with my ex taught me how to treat the next one or should I say the right one. If this guy did his ex wrong as I am not familiar with his story, what does he honestly expect? Karma sure does have a way of rearing it's ugly head, or should I say it's beautiful head if you get what you deserve???
BCCA Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 What really sucks is when you were the total opposite of this and still got jerked around. At least my experience with my ex taught me how to treat the next one or should I say the right one. If this guy did his ex wrong as I am not familiar with his story, what does he honestly expect? Karma sure does have a way of rearing it's ugly head, or should I say it's beautiful head if you get what you deserve??? Most people here, and I would like the thing around the world, are the total opposite. Most people easily realize why this person doesnt want anything to do with them, and what they did to cause it. His story is that he basically cheated multiple times on this girl, but she was always willing to take him back, and always willing to sleep with him. He got accustomed to being able to do what he wanted, and one day when she told him the gig was up, he was shocked and didnt understand it. I think premiumjet you should realize that what other people have said is pretty true. Its not HER you want, its someone. She'll just do for a night. I'm not saying all you want is sex, but none of what you want is to make things right and start a life together with this woman. Thats very important to keep in mind. You dont want to date her seriously, be faithful, and work toward marrige, etc. Those are the essential parts of a relationship. People dont get together for sex and to tell each other how their day was. Thats called a friends with benefits if thats all it is. I think you should send her flowers, not cheap Safeway kind - nice ones, with a note that says youre sorry for being such a jerk, you didnt realize what you were doing until too late, and you hope she has a happy life, because she deserves it. After that, LEAVE IT ALONE. If she comes back and wants to talk, you should really think of her feelings and needs, and be HONEST.
You'reasian Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 You should have never cheated on her. Simple.
ioncebelieved Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Most people here, and I would like the thing around the world, are the total opposite. Most people easily realize why this person doesnt want anything to do with them, and what they did to cause it. His story is that he basically cheated multiple times on this girl, but she was always willing to take him back, and always willing to sleep with him. He got accustomed to being able to do what he wanted, and one day when she told him the gig was up, he was shocked and didnt understand it. I think premiumjet you should realize that what other people have said is pretty true. Its not HER you want, its someone. She'll just do for a night. I'm not saying all you want is sex, but none of what you want is to make things right and start a life together with this woman. Thats very important to keep in mind. You dont want to date her seriously, be faithful, and work toward marrige, etc. Those are the essential parts of a relationship. People dont get together for sex and to tell each other how their day was. Thats called a friends with benefits if thats all it is. I think you should send her flowers, not cheap Safeway kind - nice ones, with a note that says youre sorry for being such a jerk, you didnt realize what you were doing until too late, and you hope she has a happy life, because she deserves it. After that, LEAVE IT ALONE. If she comes back and wants to talk, you should really think of her feelings and needs, and be HONEST. Wow! I was great to my ex and I think she was placed in my life for a future love. Having her made me cherish what love really was and cherished her. That cherishing of her was something she did not deserve. In this cat's case... You need to let her go w/o doing a single thing!! In time, she may forgive your inhibitions and decide to give you another chance. IMO, you deserve NO MORE chances. I have always said and still stand by people are entitled to one screw up. Any more than that and you are out of luck!! Learn how to treat someone from this experience!!
Faded Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 I've got a mouse trap you can have fun with if you really so desire.. Leave her alone.
Author premiumjet Posted September 27, 2008 Author Posted September 27, 2008 She's a big girl if she contacts me what am I supposed to do? I miss her!!!
mental_traveller Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Maybe i can help. She didn't want to have sex with you. That was easy. Rofl, that was exactly what I was going to post Sorry buddy but she just isn't having the hots for you. Either that or she hates sex.
Geishawhelk Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 She's a big girl if she contacts me what am I supposed to do? I miss her!!! Tough. You keep her at arm's length, control yourself - and start dating other ladies! It's not difficult. Really.... It's just that.... You don't want to.
Author premiumjet Posted September 28, 2008 Author Posted September 28, 2008 No youre right, I dont want to go on without her around. What does rofl mean?
carhill Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 rofl = rolling on floor laughing (add a "mao" at the end and it adds "my @ss off") On topic, leave her alone. You evidently cheated on her. There are no further mixed signals. You start out at ground zero and she owns the ground you walk on. Capische?
Vertex Posted September 28, 2008 Posted September 28, 2008 premiumjet, you don't seem to really show much remorse for the cheating itself. You started this thread concerned about sex, and only mention things like "But I miss her, etc." Do you not have any concern for her feelings here? Have you thought about what it was like for her to put up with your cheating? Just by looking at your other thread, it seems as if you're incapable of empathy. When she asked why you cheated on her, you got really defensive and threw a fit, claiming "You two had sex too early anyway!" It just seems like you rarely, if ever, take her thoughts and feelings into consideration. Just reading your replies in that thread alone makes me a little queasy. You two should definitely not be together. Sometimes in moments of close proximity/pseudo-intimacy, it's easy for people to get physical only because it's familiar to them and because it's "comfortable" to some extent. She probably made out with you for a bit merely because it was "just something you did," but quickly came to her senses and realized that it would have been a bad idea. I think that's a very commendable example of self-control, but I am absolutely shocked that she even let you sleep in the same bed in the first place. Regardless, you really shouldn't be asking about why she didn't have sex with you. I think the reasons for that are incredibly clear and obvious. You haven't really given any sort of concrete reasons as to why you supposedly like this girl, and so I'm not entirely convinced that you are "wanting her" for the right reasons. All I've seen so far... is you basically exploiting her trust and taking advantage of emotional malleabilities, and this is manipulative and wrong. Let her heal. Move on and try to be faithful next time.
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