tobe1424 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 My ex gf and I broke up almost 3 months ago. She didn't feel the same anymore. Though we tried to talk a few times but things were a little awkward. I guess thats when NC comes in to put the past behind and her wanting sometime alone.. We broke up and i tried doing a few things but didnt work...after NC for 2 weeks i tried talking to her but things feel weird. She said i was the best for her and I am good for her and she doesn't know why this happened but it just did. She is dating and so am i but when I am around her, since we hang out with the same group of friends, i feel like i want her so bad. She was so good and we were so good together that idunno what happened. She is a bit stubborn and the only problem that the relationship ever faced was that she wouldn't like to talk about things. she always rather hide them or it took a bit to sit down like a couple and talk over things... anyways....we've hanged out a few times alone but just as friends...it feels a bit weird to be around each other as friends when we had so much going.... now we still hang out with friends and I text her or she text me once in a while but nothing to do with us...its hard going from gf/bf to friends iguess... should i tell her how i feel? idunno if i would push her farther away or help things out like a romantic movie film lol or should i just let things be... some ppl say friends is better than nothing but i want to be more than that. Others say friends will make each other feels like friends so that eliminates the possiblity of ever getting back(which im for this in a way).
EmperorR Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I would not tell her anything,as you said she is the one whose feelings changed. Telling her will probably push her away, as you said she's dating she probably thinks your ok with thewhole friends thing. And even though you said she has problems saying how she feels out loud well she seemed fine telling you her feelings chAnged about you. Just my two cents.
Author tobe1424 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 well everytime we would have a fight or something i would want to talk about **** and she would get mad for stupid things...that was at the beginning but after a few years we were ok and more open..we would be open to one another... but also there still is that vibe that "we were so close to each other but now in these terms"when we r around each other. I feel like i need to tell her something i just dont know what....
BCCA Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Dont be affraid of the truth. You DONT want to just be friends. And it wouldnt help anyone but her if you did. You dont want to just be there when she had a bad day, etc, because as soon as she finds someone else, shell be done talking to you faster than you can blink an eye - been there. I think youre affraid to tell her how you feel about the friends thing because you know what her response is going to be - its friends or nothing. TRUST ME, if you dont listen to another word I say - NOTHING is leaps and bounds better for you. And dont let anyone dictate how you live your life. I had my ex try the same thing before, and honestly, I felt empowered when I walked away. It wasnt what I wanted, why should I settle? Being together with you obviously wasnt what she wanted, did she settle for your sake? NO, she bailed. Be wary of people that dont want to talk. My ex was EXACTLY the same way, and as time goes on, I wonder how much of it was her being shy and how much of it was her knowing that if she was honest the gig would be up. I really think its more the latter. If you cant talk to someone after dating them for even 6 months, something is wrong.
Intergalactic Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 your break up happened WAY too recently for you to be friends. you also only went NC for two weeks? that wouldn't have achieved much at all, and the point of NC is to heal yourself - you can't heal in two weeks. you can try and tell her how you feel but if she is dating other people and only wants a platonic relationship with you right now, i doubt it will do much. the best thing you can do for yourself, for this friendship and for any possible future relationship between the two of you is to go NC or at least LC and try to get over this.
Author tobe1424 Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 yea i know i really messed up with the NC thing big time. But yea ur write it is too early to be friends and i don't want that. I just feel like i need to take a few things off my chest and make a few things clear since i never really told her what I feel like telling her now and the reason why we shouldn't really be friends. maybe it will push her away but i hate the fact that I feel the way im feeling and we were so comfortable around each other and now i don't know why im holding back from telling what I want to tell her...but at the sametime things would be even more awkward if we are around each other plus. like i said im sure she dating people. just like i am. its only nature for us not to stay home and think about an ex or w.e but at the same time i think about her and good times and im sure everyone has a little nostalgic in them...
Author tobe1424 Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 what should i do guys...i don't think im going to stop feeling this way untill i get a few things off my chest but at the sametime I don't want to push her farther into someones arms... they says women want what they can't have...sometimes i think they never know what they want....
Intergalactic Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 tell her how you feel in a way that doesn't seem forceful or desperate. if she doesn't want to be with you now, tell her that a friendship is impossible at this point in time because your feelings are not platonic, and then go NC. do it for YOU, to heal yourself. a friendship can come later, and who knows what else? but this needs to be done now.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 its friends or nothing. TRUST ME, if you dont listen to another word I say - NOTHING is leaps and bounds better for you. BCCA is DEAD ON with this. I had exactly the same thing happen to me around march this year. We had a great relationship but she fell out of love. In the end she wanted to be friends and I wanted more. This just turned into a bad emotional situation for me, because I was there when she needed me but when I needed her she was with her new man or her friends (funny how you're a friend but not when it comes to hanging out with her friends). You need to be open about what you want. You want more than friendship. To me, it was I don't want to be your friend. I want to be with you. I can't just be friends. To me it was love or nothing, I asked her one last time if she was willing to work it out with me. and she said. "I'll be your friend. nothing more. To her it was friends or nothing. The only possible outcome was "nothing". so my last contact with her was "then there's nothing else we have to say to each other". and that's when I started NC. Been going strong for 7 months now, and I can safely say I'm over her.
Sysyphus28 Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Me and my ex broke up in july We tried to be friends...it was awkward. After a few drinks awkward............. When we were walking together down familiar streets...awkward it was like being in an emotional prison.....you wanted to say a million things! I eventually opened up and told the deal, she knows how I feel now and chooses not to talk to me. I feel stomped on.... sure, and I want to see her again, or reconcile things, but at least I know where I stand and I have a chance to move on. F being a friend. Thats not what any of us want. That isn't fun. This is the girl you held hands with, kissed, made love too, said endearing things too....this isn't your buddy that get icecream with and talk about books! Or a co-worker you go out to drinks with! Thier we were eating tacos, trying to be friends, and all I can think about is this lovey-dovey mushy bull-Sh*& to try and conjure a reaction out of her. If a girl dumps you, it as if she is saying............"F-you dude", "you are not good enough for me". I don't care what she tells you, it's all the same. She left you..........SHE LEFT YOU(rug out from under your feet)Think of your best friend............has he/she ever left you high and dry and feeling like an old newspaper. The answer is NO. They are your friend...someone who calls you and reaches out to you, and keeps your feelings in mind. My friends are people that havn't severily damaged my pride/ego/dignity, they are people who have bolstered it. Why do yo need this ONE person to make you feel good. Why do any of us?! Turn your back on them like they turned thier back on you.
EmperorR Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 BCCA is DEAD ON with this. I had exactly the same thing happen to me around march this year. We had a great relationship but she fell out of love. In the end she wanted to be friends and I wanted more. This just turned into a bad emotional situation for me, because I was there when she needed me but when I needed her she was with her new man or her friends (funny how you're a friend but not when it comes to hanging out with her friends). You need to be open about what you want. You want more than friendship. To me, it was I don't want to be your friend. I want to be with you. I can't just be friends. To me it was love or nothing, I asked her one last time if she was willing to work it out with me. and she said. "I'll be your friend. nothing more. To her it was friends or nothing. The only possible outcome was "nothing". so my last contact with her was "then there's nothing else we have to say to each other". and that's when I started NC. Been going strong for 7 months now, and I can safely say I'm over her. i agree with that, when i got dumped im like sure ill be friends because i still want me in your life, then i asked can i see you Friday just as friends and nope. NOTHING is better trust, once she or he finds someones new you will be never spoken to or heard from again. Do you actually think a new bf/gf would be ok with them speaking to their ex even as friends? exactly
lofi_tokyo Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Yup, the friends thing just cant happen so early on in a relationship. I thought I could do it, but like... it just lead to badness in my situation. My ex wanted to be friends, but apparently still fool around even though he has a new woman in his life... just bad. Honestly, I think people try to be friends because they don't want to lose that person from their life entirely. But the thing is, when that person moves on and starts seeing other people, your friendship with them will come second to the new woman/man in their life. You will no longer be the priority person you were when you dated that person. So... friendship is kinda like, a bandaid solution at best, and it doesn't really work that well anyways. Like everyone says, NC is the best way to go, and don't look back. If your ex really is amazing, hey maybe you'll run into eachother someday and be friends... a long time from now, when you've both moved on. Until then, until you're over your ex, you really need your own space.
Crestfallen_KH Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 You need to stop worrying about what your actions will force her to do and think about yourself. She left you, so it's done. By being in her life and trying to be her friend, she still gets a lot of the same things out of the relationship (whatever she wants, basically) and you only get a few of the things you want (and not what you really want - a relationship). It's a good deal for her, bad deal for you. It's too soon to be friends, and by continuing on the way you are, you're only going to cause yourself a lot of frustration and heartache. Don't ask me how I know this...
Author tobe1424 Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 do you guys think this would push her away and completely eliminate any chances? I mean we were so comfortable that it feels weird not to express my self to her but at the sametime now we aren't together but there is always history no matter what...i dunno if to write her a letter or talk to her in person.... I don't want to live with that "what if" feeling... and we hang out with the same friends so that would be a bit awkward don't you think... like after expressing myself how would i hang out with her and our friends....?
Author tobe1424 Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 anyone...? if i do this I really don't know what I am going to do when i am around our friends and stuff like that....things are going to get even weirder....
rod_in_gtown Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 There is no "what if". You already were in a relationship and it ended. "What if" only applies to when you like someone and you don't have the guts to tell her how you feel. Let it go. If she's unwilling to be in a relationship with you, then No Contact is what you need to do.
Author tobe1424 Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 in a way i must agree with you in a way but the fact that me and her were so close, i mean close...like brother sister friend lover boyfriend girlfriend type of close... and after the break up I made a few mistakes..broke NC...tried giving it another shot and pretty much be "friends" but not really. its like we know we have history and we are around each other pretending to be friends... when we first broke up she would try and avoid places where i would be and so on... but now its like i feel like i need to tell her how i feel but i don't know if that would ruin any last thing between us...
rod_in_gtown Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 You're clinging to the last threads of hope. you're not the only one to have had a great relationship that felt like family. I have given you my $0.02 cents, in my experience, there is no "last thing" afterwards. That only happens in the movies. Real life is not a movie. Do as you please.
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