Author SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 You are exactly right, he doesn't think you are trustworthy, he doesn't think you can handle yourself in any situation that he's not there to monitor/chaperone you. I'd be more pissed about that. I'm starting to be. Almost a whole year together and this is what he thinks of me?
manugeorge Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 What a coincidence. He just texted me and asked me if I got rid of the page. I texted him back and asked him to explain to me as clearly as possible what his problem with facebook is. He sent back: It always begins as just looking for friends. How about u setting up dates behind my back and playing me for a chump? WTF?! It's not about facebook, someone else said it, it's about a person with controlling tendencies, address that. Because even if you do delete the facebook page, I guarantee you something else will crop up.
Author SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 Maybe text back something like: Did something happen in the past with you about Faceback that you want to tell me about? Yeah. He's pissy, so he's being a smartass. He said: Never. I always did the dumping.
CaliGuy Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 What a coincidence. He just texted me and asked me if I got rid of the page. I texted him back and asked him to explain to me as clearly as possible what his problem with facebook is. He sent back: It always begins as just looking for friends. How about u setting up dates behind my back and playing me for a chump? WTF?! RED FLAG. Time to dump the chump.... He's an immature, jealous punk IMHO.
westrock Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Yeah. He's pissy, so he's being a smartass. He said: Never. I always did the dumping. So something did happen with Facebook that he is "Never" going to tell you which resulted in him dumping someone? It's okay if he had a bad experience with Facebook. What's not okay is that he seems to have poor communication skills in discussing issues with you. That's a red flag.
Author SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 RED FLAG. Time to dump the chump.... He's an immature, jealous punk IMHO. OMG. I can't even begin to tell you how stunned I am. I NEVER imagined his 'tude was this bad. Seriously shocked. Now I'm thinking I CAN'T close the Facebook page. If I cave, that might open the door for more unreasonable demands. I didn't do anything wrong.
Author SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 That is exactly what I was thinking. OP..you should do some snooping around facebook to see if you can find his page. If he has a facebook page, it's not tied to any of his email addresses that I know of, nor is it under his real name. I really don't believe he has one. I think he's just being a controlling jerk all of a sudden.
KinAZ Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 If he has a facebook page, it's not tied to any of his email addresses that I know of, nor is it under his real name. I really don't believe he has one. I think he's just being a controlling jerk all of a sudden. When I was 16 I was seeing this older controlling man who always suspected me of doing things I would never do, or questioned me about things that couldn't be farther from my mind. He did what he did, and I never complained or questioned him. All insecurities and personality types aside, my mother told me very plainly... when people get out of hand and believe you to be guilty of something, or likely to do something, without cause, it's because they're guilty of it themselves. The people who are telling you that something is more than likely up are telling you with good reason. He's being irrational and mean. He's seriously crossed the line of respect. You need to tell him to take some time and cool off if he can't discuss this rationally and respectfully, and apologize for his behavior. Or, just send him his walking papers already. He's not just paranoid, he's attacking YOU in the midst of his paranoia. There's a difference between "baby, baby please" and "don't be a whore".
Art_Critic Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 If he has a facebook page, it's not tied to any of his email addresses that I know of, nor is it under his real name. I really don't believe he has one. I think he's just being a controlling jerk all of a sudden. I guess it is possible...It just seems odd that a such a young guy would have such an aversion to Facebook.. it isn't like you signed up for match.com or something.. How do you know he doesn't have his email tied to Facebook ?.. when you sign up you can make your email not searchable thru the search box.. Also..if you go to the login page and hit forgot password it allows you to type in an email.. if the email isn't in their system it says so.. if it is it emails an email to the addy .. so if you really wanted to know you could go to that page and type in all his emails...
Art_Critic Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 There's a difference between "baby, baby please" and "don't be a whore". Boy.. you are not kidding.. he went right to the word whore.. that isn't a good sign...
KinAZ Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Boy.. you are not kidding.. he went right to the word whore.. that isn't a good sign... Those are fighting words. He wouldn't know his face from his rear end after I was done with him for making a suggestion like that! For me it's very simple... If a man doesn't trust me so much as to be so disrespectful to me, I cannot trust him. I can't trust someone who doesn't trust me, and that's all there is to it. If you even think me CAPABLE of something like that, IMO you really don't need to be with me. "There's the door." If you wouldn't put it past me, why on earth would I put it past you? LOL, I've been in that situation before, so I can empathize.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Boy.. you are not kidding.. he went right to the word whore.. that isn't a good sign... Absolutely. Whoring around?!! That really says a lot about how he sees you, huh? This guy is nuts. OK, not nuts, but he's got a problem. Either he's very insecure, has major trust problems, or he's guilty for doing the kind of thing he's accusing you of. I would definitely NOT close your Facebook account. This problem is not going to go away as easily as that, and his unreasonable demands should not be met.
CaliGuy Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 OMG. I can't even begin to tell you how stunned I am. I NEVER imagined his 'tude was this bad. Seriously shocked. Now I'm thinking I CAN'T close the Facebook page. If I cave, that might open the door for more unreasonable demands. I didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. It's HIS problem to deal with, not yours. If he can't handle it then you let him make the choice. He can accept it or he can leave. The choice is his. You set the boundary that you're going to keep the page.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 this is so weird to me. Has anyone else had a similar problem?? My bf and I have been togehter for almost a year and sometimes he can be a little jealous but it hasn't been an issue until now. A lot of my friends and coworkers are on facebook and after checking it out, i made a page for myself on Sunday. I already have at least 20 friends including family, coworkers and even old friends from high school saying hello. I was telling my bf about the site and how cool it was and he exploded. He told me to immediate delete the page. Didn't ask me. Told me. He was ranting and raving about how it's jsut a place to hook up and I have no business being in facebook. He doesn't have an acct and he thinks I shouldn't have one either. Tried to talk to him about it and reassure him that i'm not there to look for another bf. I told him he should sign up too and he could be one of my friends on the site. THere are pics of him on my page. No deal. He said nothing good could come out of being on the site. He made a rude comment like enjoy whoring around on the internet. OMG!! He's not talking to me at all right now and i'm in shock. I mean, HELLO? Is someone throwing a temper tantrum or what?! I haven't done anything wrong and there is nothing racy or vulgar or suggestive on my page - it says i'm in a relationship. Your b/f is ignorant and it's showing through his little outburst. I have FB my friends, family parents uncles cousins and extended family. We use it to keep in touch. Fb started out as an experiment for harvard students to get to know one another and network. You may need to tech him about a great site called google or wikipedia, and to look-up the difference between "facebook" and "AdultFriendFinder", speak to him as though he's a 5 year old because he's clearly lacking on the brain department.
Sysyphus28 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I know alot of people are on facebook and myspace. I had a myspace page(which I recently cancelled). It's good for networking with friends, but her is right in a way, it is also an outlet for dating and "checking people out". It's an ego trip to have your own page(with all your favorite things and cute pictures of yourself). It is up to you though, not him.
Author SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 It's good for networking with friends, but her is right in a way, it is also an outlet for dating and "checking people out". Not when your page is marked private and others have to request to be accepted as a friend to see your page.
jadedone Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 IF you can't find his Facebook, try searching Myspace. He may use Myspace for cheating or was cheated on by an ex that met someone on Myspace. He could be lumping the two sites together as equally bad. Keep the page and promise him that the only friends you will have on the site are people you already know, because it is a bit disrespectful to be adding new guys you didn't previously know.
Author SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 There are no words to describe my shock. This all just unfolded in the last 48 hours. He's freaking paranoid. For no reason. No reason by anything that I have done. He said by having a profile on a social website, I am proving that I'm capable of being a cheater. Regardless of what I've said to him, his perspective is that me signing up for Facebook = being shady and looking for another bf. This is so way out in left field. I feel like I've been set up. Like he was looking for a reason. I'm totally blindsided. It's like I don't even know who he is anymore. Jekyll & Hyde in 48 hours.
Author SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 IF you can't find his Facebook, try searching Myspace. He may use Myspace for cheating or was cheated on by an ex that met someone on Myspace. He could be lumping the two sites together as equally bad. Keep the page and promise him that the only friends you will have on the site are people you already know, because it is a bit disrespectful to be adding new guys you didn't previously know. Haven't found him on either site yet. I've done a bunch of different searches. If he's there, he's totally undercover. I never had a reason to believe he was on the sites before. It was never my intent to use Facebook to meet new people. That's one of the reasons all of my info is marked private. The only people with access to my profile are current co-workers, family and close friends.
BrooklynBridge Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 HE is DEF cheating on you on Facebook, some how. No other explanation. Facebook is totally harmless. Put the smart money on it. HE HAS A SECRET PAGE ON FACEBOOK. Guaranteed.
westrock Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 He's freaking paranoid. For no reason. No reason by anything that I have done. As you know, there is nothing wrong with opening a Facebook account. But by doing so, you have accidently triggered an emotional wound that he has not resolved. Most people know Facebook is harmless, but in his mind he has a reason to be paranoid and he's telling you what is bothering him in the following quoted words: He said by having a profile on a social website, I am proving that I'm capable of being a cheater. Regardless of what I've said to him, his perspective is that me signing up for Facebook = being shady and looking for another bf. Something has happened in his life in the past regarding Facebook and cheating. It's entirely possible someone cheated on him in the past using Facebook and as a result he becomes upset by anyone using Facebook. Don't assume he has a Facebook page himself. From an objective point of view it is easy to say he is paranoid on this issue, but maybe you can turn this around to your advantage and use this situation as an opportunity to talk about stuff like this to increase your level of communication with him. Ask him if you two can talk about this so you can understand where he is coming from. Hopefully after talking you will be able to make a better assessment of what is really bothering him about this.
Author SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 As you know, there is nothing wrong with opening a Facebook account. But by doing so, you have accidently triggered an emotional wound that he has not resolved. Most people know Facebook is harmless, but in his mind he has a reason to be paranoid and he's telling you what is bothering him in the following quoted words: Something has happened in his life in the past regarding Facebook and cheating. It's entirely possible someone cheated on him in the past using Facebook and as a result he becomes upset by anyone using Facebook. Don't assume he has a Facebook page himself. From an objective point of view it is easy to say he is paranoid on this issue, but maybe you can turn this around to your advantage and use this situation as an opportunity to talk about stuff like this to increase your level of communication with him. Ask him if you two can talk about this so you can understand where he is coming from. Hopefully after talking you will be able to make a better assessment of what is really bothering him about this. More from him via text: - It always starts as friends, then group outings, then hanging out and getting drinks, then s*cking d*ck and getting f*cked. - That's how it always begins. Exchange a couple msgs and then they f*ck you. - You're not having a page on those sites and that's that. Argument over. - I know it happens. People talk. I read. - Bottom line, those sites are off limits to you. Sounds more like a father or a freakin warden than a bf!!!!!
rod_in_gtown Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 More from him via text: - It always starts as friends, then group outings, then hanging out and getting drinks, then s*cking d*ck and getting f*cked. - That's how it always begins. Exchange a couple msgs and then they f*ck you. - You're not having a page on those sites and that's that. Argument over. - I know it happens. People talk. I read. - Bottom line, those sites are off limits to you. Sounds more like a father or a freakin warden than a bf!!!!! It's time to break up with him. Now he's forbidding you to use Fb, and then he'll forbid you to see your friends, see your family, eat, sleep. A father would be understanding and try to reason with you. your "bf" is barking orders. Drop the loser, he's obviously an as$hole.
Art_Critic Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 It's time to break up with him. Drop the loser, he's obviously an as$hole. On point... What a trash mouth too.. he is speaking to someone he is supposed to love and care about.. Bottom line, those sites are off limits to you. show him the bottom line...that speaking to you like that is off limits..
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