SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 this is so weird to me. Has anyone else had a similar problem?? My bf and I have been togehter for almost a year and sometimes he can be a little jealous but it hasn't been an issue until now. A lot of my friends and coworkers are on facebook and after checking it out, i made a page for myself on Sunday. I already have at least 20 friends including family, coworkers and even old friends from high school saying hello. I was telling my bf about the site and how cool it was and he exploded. He told me to immediate delete the page. Didn't ask me. Told me. He was ranting and raving about how it's jsut a place to hook up and I have no business being in facebook. He doesn't have an acct and he thinks I shouldn't have one either. Tried to talk to him about it and reassure him that i'm not there to look for another bf. I told him he should sign up too and he could be one of my friends on the site. THere are pics of him on my page. No deal. He said nothing good could come out of being on the site. He made a rude comment like enjoy whoring around on the internet. OMG!! He's not talking to me at all right now and i'm in shock. I mean, HELLO? Is someone throwing a temper tantrum or what?! I haven't done anything wrong and there is nothing racy or vulgar or suggestive on my page - it says i'm in a relationship.
superd Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 facebook is not all it is cracked up to be.
Author SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 facebook is not all it is cracked up to be. Isn't it what you make of it? Meaning that you can use it to try to pick up people or just to keep in contact with friends & family. It's not that i'm saying I HAVE TO HAVE the page. That's not the issue. The issue is what I believe to be a totally unreasonable reaction by my bf.
CaliGuy Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Sounds like he has some insecurity issues. You can do one of two things. 1. You can delete the facebook account and appease him, or... 2. Keep it and tell him to get over it. A third option would be to have him start an account as well. What irks me about his attitude is how does he know it's a place to hook up? Does he have personal experience with this? I use to it keep in touch with friends and that's it. If my g/f "told" me to delete my FB account I'd tell her to beat it. I wouldn't want to be with someone who'd go off the deep end so easily over nothing.
KinAZ Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I would be worried about what he was doing, if he got so worked up about this. Either he has heard something extremely horrible about facebook on many occasions, or there's something else to it. Has he ever been like this with anything else? I advice that you check him quickly hun. Get him to sit down and talk to you about it like a man. And explain in grown up words why he dislikes it. If this behavior is totally out of character for him, I would think something is very fishy. If he really is just a jealous tantrum throwing type, then you need to put your foot down and tell him that he can try to find a compromise with you if he wants. But don't give into such petty demands, especially not when he was so disrespectful to you. Now's when you want to slap him on the nose with a newspaper. Not cool at all...
flc Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 The issue is what I believe to be a totally unreasonable reaction by my bf. It is totally unreasonable, many people use facebook with no intentions of hooking up.
manugeorge Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Well, what exactly is a "a little jealous"? We need more examples?
superd Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 caliguy is right, facebook is really not only a place to "hook up" with people. I think if it was a place where you did that you are probably desperate, in which case you don't seem to be.
Shygirl15 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I for one, have a Facebook account and I have never ever hooked up with anyone, or came across anyone wanting to hook up with me. It's purely a social networking website for me. Most of my friends, are the people I already know in real life anyway. I don't even understand where he got the idea that you want to hook up online. Plus he's very disrespectful.
westrock Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 He made a rude comment like enjoy whoring around on the internet. OMG!! I have found that when people have an irrational reaction to something that is relatively harmless it is usually because they have had a bad experience in their past related to that thing. Ask him what is it that is really bothering him about you having an account on facebook. It is possible that he has had a bad experience with facebook, perhaps a former g/f had an account and met someone else through facebook and subsequently cheated on him?
KinAZ Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I for one, have a Facebook account and I have never ever hooked up with anyone, or came across anyone wanting to hook up with me. It's purely a social networking website for me. Most of my friends, are the people I already know in real life anyway. I don't even understand where he got the idea that you want to hook up online. Plus he's very disrespectful. Exactly. I only have those accounts to keep in touch with friends. My profiles are set to private, no strangers can see my pictures or info. And if they didn't have so many privacy settings I wouldn't even have an account. So, like caliguy also suggested, I would wonder what he's been doing on the internet to go off the deep end in such a manner. "Whoring about the internet" is a phrase that can easily cause a guy to catch a door knob in the arse.
porter218 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 That is just plain outrageous. He needs to explain his reaction pronto! Sounds like a guilty conscience to me. My whole family is on that site including my parents and I am 100% posative that they are not using that site for hook-ups:rolleyes: LOL. For god sakes even my 3yr old son has a page..tell him to grow the F up.
Frankasy Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Facebook says on it's front page that it's about connecting with friends and family, joining groups, controlling privacy online and something else. Tell your bf these, if he doesn't like 'em, stand up for yourself and tell him that you're gonna keep it. Plus Facebook isn't really the site for whoring online, hi5 is. Tell him that too.
Author SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 Well, what exactly is a "a little jealous"? We need more examples? He gets kinda cranky when he notices other guys checking me out. It takes him a little while to get over his 'tude. When he has to work at night, he texts me a lot. He's nice but I know he's checking on me. We did have a tiff one time about me going out with my friends. He goes for beers with one of his buddies almost once a week and i'm cool with that but he tried to give me lip when I had a girls' night out. Maybe possessive or protective is a better word. I haven't given him any reason not to trust me but it seems like a trust issue. It irks me to think that he believes I can't handle myself online. Like if I use Facebook, it automatically and definitely means I'm going to hook up with someone. I know that before I ever came along, he tried out a dating site a buddy recommended. He said it sucked and he quit the site after getting emails from girls who were talking about marriage from the start! He and I met thru mutual friends, not a dating site.
Author SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 That is just plain outrageous. He needs to explain his reaction pronto! Sounds like a guilty conscience to me. My whole family is on that site including my parents and I am 100% posative that they are not using that site for hook-ups:rolleyes: LOL. For god sakes even my 3yr old son has a page..tell him to grow the F up. I asked him to explain his reaction and all he said - over and over again - is that nothing good can come out of the site it's a place to whore around on the internet it's a dating site guys are going to be sending me their phone numbers (even though I explained that I made everything private) he's not comfortable with it so I have to delete the acct delete the acct or else I asked him to sign up and be on my page. Nope. I'm supposed to delete it if I want him around.
porter218 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I asked him to explain his reaction and all he said - over and over again - is that nothing good can come out of the site it's a place to whore around on the internet it's a dating site guys are going to be sending me their phone numbers (even though I explained that I made everything private) he's not comfortable with it so I have to delete the acct delete the acct or else I asked him to sign up and be on my page. Nope. I'm supposed to delete it if I want him around. Well then...time to call his bluff. Tell him you know it isn't a dating site and you know that he knows this as well. Tell him you are going to keep your account and he can either grow up or leave. See how long it takes him to cave LOL.
manugeorge Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 He gets kinda cranky when he notices other guys checking me out. It takes him a little while to get over his 'tude. When he has to work at night, he texts me a lot. He's nice but I know he's checking on me. We did have a tiff one time about me going out with my friends. He goes for beers with one of his buddies almost once a week and i'm cool with that but he tried to give me lip when I had a girls' night out. Maybe possessive or protective is a better word. I haven't given him any reason not to trust me but it seems like a trust issue. It irks me to think that he believes I can't handle myself online. Like if I use Facebook, it automatically and definitely means I'm going to hook up with someone. I know that before I ever came along, he tried out a dating site a buddy recommended. He said it sucked and he quit the site after getting emails from girls who were talking about marriage from the start! He and I met thru mutual friends, not a dating site. You are exactly right, he doesn't think you are trustworthy, he doesn't think you can handle yourself in any situation that he's not there to monitor/chaperone you. I'd be more pissed about that.
Author SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 I have found that when people have an irrational reaction to something that is relatively harmless it is usually because they have had a bad experience in their past related to that thing. Ask him what is it that is really bothering him about you having an account on facebook. It is possible that he has had a bad experience with facebook, perhaps a former g/f had an account and met someone else through facebook and subsequently cheated on him? I kinda got the impression that he used to be a serial dater. Maybe his bad deeds of the past are haunting him... guilt is a b*tch!
Art_Critic Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I was telling my bf about the site and how cool it was and he exploded. He told me to immediate delete the page. Didn't ask me. Told me. He doesn't have an acct and he thinks I shouldn't have one either. In today's day and age his reaction says more to me than just jealousy.. either he is just a controlling idiot or he himself has a Facebook page and he doesn't want you to find it . Facebook isn't a dating site.. How about this... Maybe if he had a Facebook site and he was a friend of yours he would feel better about you belonging to it.. but then again.....Something tells me he has one already...
serial muse Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 If this were an aberration I'd say maybe he got burned that way and is having a powerful out-of-proportion reaction based on his past, and that maybe you two could talk it out, find a compromise... But it sounds like this is just how he is in general - controlling, possessive, jealous. So in that context, Facebook is just a symptom...and the trouble is, you could capitulate on this for him, if it's not a big deal to you to be on the site or not, but it wouldn't stop here anyway. There'd always be another thing for him to be suspicious of and accuse you of. Maybe this should be a wake-up call for you? He sounds out of control. Edited to add: and yeah, Facebook isn't a dating site.
Author SurferGurl80 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 What a coincidence. He just texted me and asked me if I got rid of the page. I texted him back and asked him to explain to me as clearly as possible what his problem with facebook is. He sent back: It always begins as just looking for friends. How about u setting up dates behind my back and playing me for a chump? WTF?!
porter218 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 In today's day and age his reaction says more to me than just jealousy.. either he is just a controlling idiot or he himself has a Facebook page and he doesn't want you to find it . Facebook isn't a dating site.. How about this... Maybe if he had a Facebook site and he was a friend of yours he would feel better about you belonging to it.. but then again.....Something tells me he has one already... That is exactly what I was thinking. OP..you should do some snooping around facebook to see if you can find his page.
westrock Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 He sent back: It always begins as just looking for friends. How about u setting up dates behind my back and playing me for a chump? WTF?! Maybe text back something like: Did something happen in the past with you about Faceback that you want to tell me about?
audrey_1 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 He sent back: It always begins as just looking for friends. How about u setting up dates behind my back and playing me for a chump? WTF?! I ran into this with my ex-fiancee. Notice I said ex. A friend suggested joining because a bunch of our other high school friends were joining. A photo album was posted with good times we all had together from long ago. It started a chain-reaction, an online reunion of sorts. He flipped out. Then any time I was on the computer, he would suddenly appear, want to look over my shoulder, etc. This made me realize how insecure he was, not only in the situation, but in many others. The online networking just brought it all to a head in the most noticeable way. I'd think about whether there have been other instances where he's exhibited this type of behavior, and if that's okay for you. Does he have a page you're not aware of where he does what he's accusing you of? Or does he just want to control your access? Either way is bad.
Art_Critic Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 That is exactly what I was thinking. OP..you should do some snooping around facebook to see if you can find his page. You can bet that if he did have one that he most likely has deleted it already.. I'm normally not one to go right to the " He's cheating on you " or that type of thing.. in fact I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and rarely ever say stuff like that but in this case his reaction is so far off base that there has to be a good reason for him to react this way.. What kind of bad thing could he have had happen to him on Facebook ?.. OP.. are there other things in your relationship that he tries to over control ?.. He could just be controlling...
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