SmartWoman321 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Ok- at my Dcare group, they talked about how getting into another relationship soon after a D/seperation is bad news and you should wait. But what they didn't say is...how long is "soon"? I have been living on my own for almost a year. And even though my D is not final, I am interested in male company. How does one know when one is ready? For the last 3 years of the marriage, we lived seperate lives, I was "alone" and lonely. I am excited at the thought of dating. Someday I would like to remarry, I want to share my life with someone, I do not want to grow old alone. But one step at a time. Ok- so when is the time right?
Author SmartWoman321 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 hm...oookaaaaaayyyyy...but I am interested in knowing other's theories on how do you judge when you are truely ready?
Geishawhelk Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I am excited at the thought of dating. Someday I would like to remarry, I want to share my life with someone, I do not want to grow old alone. You're ready.
troubadour Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 SmartWoman321... you are ready... there is no question about it.
Author SmartWoman321 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 yeah, I thought so. No where does a 45 year old woman find someone to date!!! I live in a small town. Hm......maybe I will try the online dating thing, I know a bunch of people who met others that way.
sparkey64 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 My wife waited... a month before she started dating. We have been separated for 2 months. But since she hates me and doesn't love me anymore, I think a month or 2 is enough. We have only been married for 18 years. yikes!
Author SmartWoman321 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 My wife waited... a month before she started dating. We have been separated for 2 months. But since she hates me and doesn't love me anymore, I think a month or 2 is enough. We have only been married for 18 years. yikes! well, I am sorry she hates you (although I am willing to bet that this isn't REALLY the case)......I was married for 18 as well. Perhaps, she - like me- checked out of the marriage years ago, so she felt she was more than ready. I guess thats how I feel. But during the first couple of months- I felt "desperate" to find someone- so that told me that I wasn't ready- so its a good thing I DIDN'T find someone. It took 6 months of IC and lots of adjusting before I came to the point now where I am feeling emotionally healthy enought to perhaps meet people and date---just a little---lightly.
superd Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Internet dating is brutal, unfortunately, its one of the only options out there today or at least where the world is going. In any case, best of luck!
Author SmartWoman321 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 Internet dating is brutal, unfortunately, its one of the only options out there today or at least where the world is going. In any case, best of luck! Brutal? Wow. My sister met her great professional husband on match.com, as did my hairdresser and about 4 of my friends! Sounds like a deal to me!!! :-)
dgiirl Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Brutal? Wow. My sister met her great professional husband on match.com, as did my hairdresser and about 4 of my friends! Sounds like a deal to me!!! :-) I met a couple who met on match.com. The guy was pretty scary in that he acted like a total spokesperson for the company. I get that online dating can work, and that those who do meet someone special are happy, but if you are talking about getting married on the first date and that's ALL you talk about to everyone you meet, I find that a tad creepy. In any case, you are the only one who knows when you are ready to start dating. Give it a try and if you feel to stressed out or crazy about it, then you can always take a break too. You already knew you were not ready 6 months ago or whatever, so you know if you are ready to try it now.
ilmw Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Heyl I think it truly down to the individual.... to know "when" When, I no longer cared whether I was alone.... or with someone.... I realized.. I guess I am ready. Now I am dating... ilmw
Trimmer Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 ...during the first couple of months- I felt "desperate" to find someone- so that told me that I wasn't ready- so its a good thing I DIDN'T find someone. It took 6 months of IC and lots of adjusting before I came to the point now where I am feeling emotionally healthy enought to perhaps meet people and date---just a little---lightly. I think this is all good insight. Not that I present myself as some shining example of either emotional health or dating success, but I realized that early on, I felt like I had an empty space that needed to be filled (your "desperation," perhaps?) Once I healed and worked on myself for a while, I felt like I was more complete as an individual, without that need for someone else to complete my own identity. It's kind of a twist, I suppose, but it was the point at which I didn't need someone else to complete my identity that I realized I was probably ready to invite someone else in...
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