Feeling Men

[audrey_1]

I'm curious about something.

 

I've been a bit "wowed" by many of the in-depth comments left by men, that shatter any stereotypes that men don't feel things or contemplate relationships.

 

But do you ever talk to the women in these situations about these things or in this way, or is it reserved for an anonymous online blog?

 

I know I'd love to hear how the men in my life feel.

[Geishawhelk]

You mean, "men and their feelings" don't you, as opposed to feeling men'..... which can be taken in other ways.......!

[JamesM]

I don't know if I am one of those men referred to, but yes, I have told my wife many of the same feelings regarding our situation. However, you have a valid point. It is easier for me to write things out that to speak them out loud. (Although my FIL when he met me said, "I can see why you are in management. You have a way with words." That was after I gave him an evasive and political answer regarding a personal question he asked. I wonder if it was really a compliment. )

 

When we write things out, we can delete what may be taken wrong. When we speak, what is said is said.

 

I am guessing that most men do tell their wives, but when the initial response is hurt or anger, then it becomes easier to avoid the topic.

 

Take sex. My situational problem. It can be talked about, but when nothing changes, then talking becomes useless. Repetition of the same thing becomes an irritation to her and a reopening of the wounds for me.

 

Here we can write and express and vent without it having an impact on our daily routine. And for me, many times I actually receive feedback here that is valuable in how I talk to my wife about sex or any other topic.

 

Without LS as a way to vent, I am not sure where I could go anonymously. IRL there is always the great possibility of personal info becoming public.

 

BTW, your topic title was kinda interesting. I really thought you were going a different direction with this.

[Mag]

Im sure that most men dont typically talk to women about this especially those they are involved with. Its also easier to talk about such private things with the anonymity of being online.

[audrey_1]

You mean, "men and their feelings" don't you, as opposed to feeling men'..... which can be taken in other ways.......!

 

Sorry to disappoint you, Geishawalk. I wanted to keep the title shorter, and used "feeling" as an adjective, rather than a verb.

 

When we write things out, we can delete what may be taken wrong. When we speak, what is said is said.

 

I am guessing that most men do tell their wives, but when the initial response is hurt or anger, then it becomes easier to avoid the topic.

 

Take sex. My situational problem. It can be talked about, but when nothing changes, then talking becomes useless. Repetition of the same thing becomes an irritation to her and a reopening of the wounds for me.

 

Here we can write and express and vent without it having an impact on our daily routine. And for me, many times I actually receive feedback here that is valuable in how I talk to my wife about sex or any other topic.

 

Without LS as a way to vent, I am not sure where I could go anonymously. IRL there is always the great possibility of personal info becoming public.

 

BTW, your topic title was kinda interesting. I really thought you were going a different direction with this.

 

I'm glad that LS has provided you with ways of approaching topics of discussion with your wife. It's refreshing that there are men who care enough and would take the time to do that, rather than sulk or keep it all bottled up.

 

Im sure that most men dont typically talk to women about this especially those they are involved with.

 

Why not? What better way to know how to proceed or learn what's next than through talking about it? How are we supposed to know what you want or need if you don't tell us?

[ed-205]

As long as I expressed my "feelings" of love and affection for her, she ate it up. Anything else she saw as a sign of weakness, and an excuse to find someone else.

I suppose it depends on the woman, though. Is she strong enough to listen to a man's grief over the loss of a loved one? Can she deal with his anxiety about being unemployed?

Most women I've met take a "Quit'cher Snivelin' and GROW UP!" attitude about these things when a man feels them, that's why so many men repress their feelings, IMHO.

Having a forum like this is one way to express them without issues.

[Woggle]

As long as I expressed my "feelings" of love and affection for her, she ate it up. Anything else she saw as a sign of weakness, and an excuse to find someone else.

I suppose it depends on the woman, though. Is she strong enough to listen to a man's grief over the loss of a loved one? Can she deal with his anxiety about being unemployed?

Most women I've met take a "Quit'cher Snivelin' and GROW UP!" attitude about these things when a man feels them, that's why so many men repress their feelings, IMHO.

 

Very true. When a man opens his heart to a woman she will eventually use all those feelings against him so why bother?

[audrey_1]

Is she strong enough to listen to a man's grief over the loss of a loved one? Can she deal with his anxiety about being unemployed?

Most women I've met take a "Quit'cher Snivelin' and GROW UP!" attitude about these things when a man feels them, that's why so many men repress their feelings, IMHO.

Having a forum like this is one way to express them without issues.

 

I believe I am strong enough for my man to share these things with me. In fact, I would want him to if it eased his pain and freed him from any anguish. I would just ask the same in return.

 

Very true. When a man opens his heart to a woman she will eventually use all those feelings against him so why bother?

 

Oh Woggle, there are exceptions. Because of men thinking they need to do this, or the socialization to this effect, when a man does let his guard down, I find it incredibly sexy due to its rarity.

[Krajt]

I've been a bit open with my girlfriend about how I feel, but generally I will keep it to myself, I won't post it anywhere, or tell anyone. Why? Because I was open with a woman once and she used what I told her to manipulate and hurt me with it, so I don't tend to bother. Fool me once...comes to mind.

[whichwayisup]

Ofcourse men feel things, some just aren't great at expressing their feelings verbally that's all. With those types of men, you look for actions and the little things they do to show their love for you.

[Woggle]

There are exceptions but most men have been burned so much that they don't want to take a chance.

[audrey_1]

I've been a bit open with my girlfriend about how I feel, but generally I will keep it to myself, I won't post it anywhere, or tell anyone. Why? Because I was open with a woman once and she used what I told her to manipulate and hurt me with it, so I don't tend to bother. Fool me once...comes to mind.

 

That just sucks and means she was a bit$h, but there are women who wouldn't do this.

 

It's sad that one situation where we're opening our hearts can potentially shut us down in the situations that follow.

[Krajt]

There are exceptions but most men have been burned so much that they don't want to take a chance.

 

Yes! You are right, I've only been burnt once and I am making sure it doesn't happen again, but that's not my main concern. I hate sounding soppy and I hate expressing how I feel to someone else, always have done. To me it shows that a person is emotionally weak/vulnerable in some instances. I try and share my feelings both through action and words, but it isn't easy.

[audrey_1]

Ofcourse men feel things, some just aren't great at expressing their feelings verbally that's all. With those types of men, you look for actions and the little things they do to show their love for you.

 

With those men who aren't as verbal, it makes it difficult to filter the friends from the true dating interests. Any of these "little things" could be taken out of context and cause an embarrassing situation.

 

There are exceptions but most men have been burned so much that they don't want to take a chance.

 

That's true with women, too. So nobody talks about it and takes a chance?

[Krajt]

That just sucks and means she was a bit$h, but there are women who wouldn't do this.

 

It's sad that one situation where we're opening our hearts can potentially shut us down in the situations that follow.

 

Oh! My new girlfriend is wonder and I have been more open about how I feel than I would have liked, it something she does to me, I think it's that fuzzy feeling I get when I am with her and the fact she makes me smile alot, so it is easy just to blurt it out which I have.

 

That incident happened three years ago, so it's well in the past, but you always have to watch your back!

[ed-205]

Very true. When a man opens his heart to a woman she will eventually use all those feelings against him so why bother?

 

Heh!...

One of my most vivid memories of when I was a child (about 8). I had a Teacher who punished me so often and so severely that one time I came home crying. My mother looked at me, and said in the most loving way possible...

 

"Go*****t! I wish you'd get the S#!7 kicked outta you! It might make a *man* out of you!"

 

From that day on, she only heard about my punishments when the parents of other children called her to complain about how upset their kids were when they came home after witnessing it.

 

But, I'm feeling *much* better now...

[grogster]

I'm curious about something.

 

I've been a bit "wowed" by many of the in-depth comments left by men, that shatter any stereotypes that men don't feel things or contemplate relationships.

 

But do you ever talk to the women in these situations about these things or in this way, or is it reserved for an anonymous online blog?

 

I know I'd love to hear how the men in my life feel.

 

It's easier to articulate sensitivity in an anonymous (largely female)forum than it is to be sensitive in a relationship.

 

It's not that we're deceitful, but the burdens are less. Here, I can bask in my text among intimate strangers. That's easy. All that's required is a reasonable command of the English language and some awareness of what the largely female Shack target audience wants to hear.

 

In a relationship, however, things are murkier, more difficult, the expectations ratchet up. You're actually in the game as opposed to writing about the game.

 

In short, it's easier to write with sensitivity than it is to live with sensitivity.

[audrey_1]

I hate sounding soppy and I hate expressing how I feel to someone else, always have done. To me it shows that a person is emotionally weak/vulnerable in some instances. I try and share my feelings both through action and words, but it isn't easy.

 

 

I can understand feeling vulnerable. It's not easy for women, either. At least it isn't for me. Sometimes I think showing a little vulnerability is stronger than most people give credit for.

[audrey_1]

Heh!...

One of my most vivid memories of when I was a child (about 8). I had a Teacher who punished me so often and so severely that one time I came home crying. My mother looked at me, and said in the most loving way possible...

 

"Go*****t! I wish you'd get the S#!7 kicked outta you! It might make a *man* out of you!"

 

From that day on, she only heard about my punishments when the parents of other children called her to complain about how upset their kids were when they came home after witnessing it.

 

But, I'm feeling *much* better now...

 

Wow. I'm glad you feel better now.

 

My brother was a very small child and beaten up by bullies all the time. He constantly came home with bruises, bloody noses, but never said a word. As we got up into high school, he kept growing when all the other guys stopped. And was much more attractive in every other way. We were out one night, and the main bully was there, too. My brother walked up and beat the $hit out of him. And he cried afterward.

 

It's not that we're deceitful, but the burdens are less. Here, I can bask in my text among intimate strangers. That's easy. All that's required is a reasonable command of the English language and some awareness of what the largely female Shack target audience wants to hear.

 

In a relationship, however, things are murkier, more difficult, the expectations ratchet up. You're actually in the game as opposed to writing about the game.

 

In short, it's easier to write with sensitivity than it is to live with sensitivity.

 

Very interesting way of looking at it, but if we only choose to write with sensitivity and not live it, are we missing out? Could things be a level above where they are?

[grogster]

Very interesting way of looking at it, but if we only choose to write with sensitivity and not live it, are we missing out? Could things be a level above where they are?

 

I didn't mean to suggest that men here write with sensitivity, but live as insensitive dolts. It is, however, easier to talk the talk than walk the walk.

 

Why? Things are less complicated here. There's no history, no expectations, no mutual intimacy. Hence, it "costs" less to talk the sensivity game in an online forum.

 

In real life, being sensitive has greater risks. There's a natural reluctance to open up, become vulnerable and get clobbered in the process.

 

When you're out with a new guy, ask yourself this question: "Is he sincerely sensitive or is he pretending to be sensitive because he intuits that's what I want?"

 

Remember, guys can use "sensitivity" to play women.

[ed-205]

Wow. I'm glad you feel better now.

 

It was a long time ago when teachers were allowed to "discipline" at their own discretion. Hers was to not let me out of the classroom until I finished all my homework for the *next* day, not allow me to eat lunch with the other kids, and about once a week or so march me to the front of the class to announce what a failure I was, then whack me with a yardstick a few times for emphasis. The Principal excused her actions due to her Menopause.

 

My brother was a very small child and beaten up by bullies all the time. He constantly came home with bruises, bloody noses, but never said a word. As we got up into high school, he kept growing when all the other guys stopped. And was much more attractive in every other way. We were out one night, and the main bully was there, too. My brother walked up and beat the $hit out of him. And he cried afterward.

 

Been there too. What the heck, the Teacher did it to me..... I Never had the heart to hurt anyone else, 'tho.

 

Very interesting way of looking at it, but if we only choose to write with sensitivity and not live it, are we missing out? Could things be a level above where they are?

 

I don't think so. It just comes out in other ways....

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1819580#post1819580

[audrey_1]

In real life, being sensitive has greater risks. There's a natural reluctance to open up, become vulnerable and get clobbered in the process.

 

True.

 

I just really wanted to highlight how refreshing it has been to read some of the answers left by men. Sometimes quite lengthy posts that reveal myriad emotions and a depth of character, which is contrary to what the male stereotypes are.

 

When you're out with a new guy, ask yourself this question: "Is he sincerely sensitive or is he pretending to be sensitive because he intuits that's what I want?"

 

Remember, guys can use "sensitivity" to play women.

 

Sound advice. Yes, if he's using it to score points, that would be a definite turn-off and not the type of man I'm referring to in my OP.

[carhill]

But do you ever talk to the women in these situations about these things or in this way, or is it reserved for an anonymous online blog?

Sure; IME such has often been a one-way ticket to the girlfriend with penis friendzone

 

I know I'd love to hear how the men in my life feel.

IMO, no, you likely wouldn't, because feelings are a mixed bag and, in general, women have intrinsic and pre-conceived notions of how men should "be" and such sharing can and does shatter those notions. You must be open to a completely different reality, in such instances. Are you?

 

In the final analysis, if you value such potentials in men, you will attract such men. Do you want such men? Really, honestly, think about that. It's more complex than apparent.

[audrey_1]

In the final analysis, if you value such potentials in men, you will attract such men. Do you want such men? Really, honestly, think about that. It's more complex than apparent.

 

Reading the posts on LS over the past few months has made me see how I *would* value this in a potential dating partner. What's to say they can't still retain their masculinity by being a bit sensitive and revelatory? Doesn't mean they have to be needy crybabies, but some vulnerability would not threaten me, nor would I use it as a weapon against them.

 

I think such a well-rounded partner would be quite the turn-on, and now maybe with this being resolved in my psyche, more will start to come my way.

 

But I will give it more thought, as I do most things.

[carhill]

Then, spend some time with such a complex man and examine how you are with him. The answers are within yourself. He is how (and who) he is. If you can honestly say you can accept his perspective and intrinsic personality as compatible with and attractive to your own, then IMO it is a potential worth exploring.