Karma101 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Some days are good, others just suck. I guess overall it's getting better. I am definitely in the acceptance stage of our break up, despite some casual contact here and there. What I really hate are those little anxiety episodes during the night when I wake up w/ my heart beating faster and that heavy feeling in my chest. Yes, it subsides soon enough, but I have caught myself reaching my leg out behind me searching for that familiar comfort. I am finding acceptance to be just as depressing as the actual shock of the break up... Actually knowing that it's over. For real. And that soon enough, it WILL be easier. I don't want to forget him, or us. I worry that I will forget the lines and curves of his face or the way he squints his eyes when he laughs... I am blessed that we have such great memories together and that our break up was amicable, though not my preferred outcome. There are no unanswered questions. There is no doubt in my mind that he misses me, he has told me such numerous times over the past couple of weeks. But, there is also no doubt in my mind that our relationship is over. Forever. And that just hurts.
Intergalactic Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 i just wanted you to know that i know how you feel, and i am feeling the same way. i am happy that i've started accepting, but sad as well. i don't want to forget, i don't really want to believe he'll never be in my bed again or smiling at me in the way he doesn't for anyone else, or any of those little details. i think part of why i can "accept" is because i still can't believe there'll never be anything between us again. anyway, enough of those little dwellings. for the sleeping, it might help to go the pharmacy or your doctor and see if you can get something to help you sleep. i did, because i was so sick of going to bed and as soon as i turned off the light, thinking too much, and then dreaming about him and/or sleeping lightly, and waking up through the night with the same tight feeling in my chest and ache through me. it was one of the worst things, waking up and reaching for him and realising he wasn't there. the sleeping tablets have really helped me sleep throughout the night.
Meaplus3 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Some days are good, others just suck. I guess overall it's getting better. I am definitely in the acceptance stage of our break up, despite some casual contact here and there. What I really hate are those little anxiety episodes during the night when I wake up w/ my heart beating faster and that heavy feeling in my chest. Yes, it subsides soon enough, but I have caught myself reaching my leg out behind me searching for that familiar comfort. I am finding acceptance to be just as depressing as the actual shock of the break up... Actually knowing that it's over. For real. And that soon enough, it WILL be easier. I don't want to forget him, or us. I worry that I will forget the lines and curves of his face or the way he squints his eyes when he laughs... I am blessed that we have such great memories together and that our break up was amicable, though not my preferred outcome. There are no unanswered questions. There is no doubt in my mind that he misses me, he has told me such numerous times over the past couple of weeks. But, there is also no doubt in my mind that our relationship is over. Forever. And that just hurts. It does hurt and having some anxiety over it is very normal. Your lucky that you have closure by having all your questions answered, that should help in the long run with healing. Just take little steps each day. It sounds to me like you have a good handle on this.. even though it's still hurts. Good luck to you. Stay strong. AP:)
Author Karma101 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 I already tried taking Ambien and felt like I was on a bad trip of X. Not good. I am very sensitive to any type of medication. I have also tried "Sleepy Time" tea before bed. I am usually able to fall asleep, I just tend to wake up mid-night. Sometimes in a cold sweat. Can't believe how much I miss him, and how hard this is proving to be. I have always been the strong one in break ups. This whole love thing is really kicking my butt!
Meaplus3 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I already tried taking Ambien and felt like I was on a bad trip of X. Not good. I am very sensitive to any type of medication. I have also tried "Sleepy Time" tea before bed. I am usually able to fall asleep, I just tend to wake up mid-night. Sometimes in a cold sweat. Can't believe how much I miss him, and how hard this is proving to be. I have always been the strong one in break ups. This whole love thing is really kicking my butt! I can believe it I have been there. As for the sleep issue, Try an nice warm bath and some warm milk if you can tolerate it. Both of these remedies have worked well for me on real anxious nights. Tylenol PM.. is also pretty mild and works like a charm. Hang in there. AP:)
Author Karma101 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 As weird as it sounds, I'm not sure I want to rush through these sleepless nights. I'm just not ready to be OK yet. A part of me wants to be a bit miserable and really mourn the loss of this realtionship, as weird as that may sound. It has been such an important part of my life and deserves to be grieved. Sometimes I feel weak for being so upset, especially given the circumstances of our break up, but I have given myself permission to grieve and feel what I feel. I know it doesn't really make me weak or needy. Just heartbroken.
RogueAC Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Karma, Thanks for sharing how you feel. Many of us (me included!) have had (or are having) similar feelings. Accepting that a relationship has ended doesn’t make it any easier and even if your breakup was mutual or amicable it still hurts to let go of someone you love, a lot. Take the time you need to heal and grieve the loss of your partner but be careful not to dwell on the heartbreak. Remember that grieving is a process. Sometimes I go from anger to depression to sadness to acceptance and back again in the same day. I don't want to forget him, or us. I worry that I will forget the lines and curves of his face or the way he squints his eyes when he laughs.... You won’t forget him or the memories that you shared together. Those are yours to keep—which in the near term may make things more difficult. After the break up is less fresh you will be glad you have those. When I think about previous exs and relationships (not yet at this point with the current ex!), I remember great inside jokes, cute quirks and the love I shared with those people. Yes sometimes I long for the past but I have confidence that I will be able to share a new love with a new someone. And don't worry, he won't forget you either! What I really hate are those little anxiety episodes during the night when I wake up w/ my heart beating faster and that heavy feeling in my chest. I also occasionally have trouble staying asleep. I find it helps to meditate or count sheep or pray to help your body relax. Also, if I am awake for more than 20 minutes, I find it actually helps to get out of bed. I leave the lights low and do something that is not engaging like reading a boring book or watching a boring movie. It helps lull my mind back to sleep.
gd26 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Is it possible for you to go NC rather than 'casual' contact? I wonder if keeping that bit of contact in is preventing you from moving forwards and only prolonging the pain..?
Author Karma101 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 Is it possible for you to go NC rather than 'casual' contact? I wonder if keeping that bit of contact in is preventing you from moving forwards and only prolonging the pain..? Yes, I am going to go NC. The casual conversation, the "I miss you's"... It's just breaking my heart. This afternoon I came home to receive an offline IM. I broke down in tears because I realized that he was sending an IM vs a text message because it won't show up itemized on a bill at the end of the month. It was just a "Good Morning", etc. No big deal. It just confirms what I already know... This man has made his decision. And that's that.
HopeDiesLast Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Karma- you sound like the guy in the movie Swingers. Ya know where he says "one day you wake up and the pain is a little less, and then one day its gone. and you almost miss the pain- because you lived with it so long." Love that quote. I'm feeling the same way. somtimes the pain feels like the only connection we have left.
Author Karma101 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 I'm sure it's normal to feel this way, but I seriously worry that I won't meet someone again with whom I will feel so compatible, on every level. It was weird. We both commented on how well we "fit". I was more in tune with this man than my own XH who I was with for 11 years. I feel like I waited 37 years to meet this man. I am not an overly emotional person, which is another reason that I am totally overwhelmed with my feelings right now.
Rafa Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I'm sure it's normal to feel this way, but I seriously worry that I won't meet someone again with whom I will feel so compatible, on every level. It was weird. We both commented on how well we "fit". I was more in tune with this man than my own XH who I was with for 11 years. I feel like I waited 37 years to meet this man. I am not an overly emotional person, which is another reason that I am totally overwhelmed with my feelings right now. I seriously worry about exactly the same thing. I met my ex at 36, and I thought I'd finally found someone who understood and totally accepted me, and I felt the same way about her. I think it's normal to worry about this though. Annoyingly my ex said "you'll be snapped up in no time". I mean, if I'm that great then why don't you want me?
Sysyphus28 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I get that anxiety in the early morning. It is a pretty bad yearning. I have over-anayzed and rationalized being broken up with for a month or so. NC with a bunch of lame relapses(drunk dialing, miss you....etc) She has been cold. Like you, I am accepting that this is over, I'm on this website a bunch, and it actually helps to know other people are feeling rejected or hurting. It seems that everyone is smiling except me sometimes.....and I don't want to drive my freins away with my EX-GF conversations....they have heard enough. This helps. I could use some serious advice...........if you read my post(28 and lost). I'm a bit lost
Author Karma101 Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 I could use some serious advice........... I don't think there is any real advice that I, or anyone else, could give that would truly heal your broken heart. As much as I even hate to hear it, it all comes down to time. Sounds like your xGF is just looking to enjoy her college experience and be independent. I did the same thing at that age. Broke up with my HS boyfriend of almost 3 years when I went off to college. As for me, today is a bad day.
Sysyphus28 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Karma..I am almost 30, and I feel like I have met a few women who have really "fit". We liked the same things, talked the same way, had the same sense of humor, creative urges, etc. The thing is, people will continue to fit into your life. We are all magnets that eventually draw in like-minded people.
CherishG Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I don't know if it helps much by me saying this to u Karma, but consider yourself lucky. Luckier than my situation. I'm only 23yo, he's 21 and he basically abandoned me and our daughter 3wks ago. I didn't see it coming, because even though our relationship wasn't completely perfect, I knew we had been through 4yrs of loving only each other. We didn't plan on having a baby, but that's life. Things that happen in our lives are never planned, like him breaking up with me. So consider urself and the others who aren't in my difficult situation of having a infant to bring up all by yourself, very very lucky. I'm not saying your pain is not as painful as my pain, but when I say you are all lucky to be able to have the power to walk away and do such things like erasing myspace / facebook profiles, their cell #, etc. You are given a chance to move on with nothing of them left behind even as painful as it may be. You are able to actually DO NC. I can't even begin to tell you how much harder it is for me each and every day since we broke up 3wks ago. Some days I just want to die. But I have my baby to think about. I think the thing that hurts the most is she is barely learning how to talk. And since the last time I saw my ex about a week ago, (per his request to see his daughter), she's learned how to ask for her "daddy". So every day since then she's been crawling up to me, or grabbing me and asking "Daddy?" God, you have no idea how much that kills me. So Karma, and the others going through this, I not only thank god that I found this site to help ease the loneliness of what I'm going through, but I pray for each and every one of you, that we will all get past all of this. Sorry I rambled on, but I guess what I'm trying to convey here is that sometimes in some weird way, it helps or eases the pain you are all going through when you realize that you ain't got it as bad like me.
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