Agent_99 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 okay, so the one year 'affair'iversary is this weekend. It is a term my mom coined. She also called herself the 'affair' in law. I laughed so hard I though I was going to hurt myself. I'm doing pretty good with the moving on, until today. We hadn't seen each other outside of work for 6 weeks. But classes started monday and we ended up having 2 together. Okay well we can be friends and take classes together right? wrong. We ended up meeting up after class. I'm not saying this is bad. I've just been pondering where I was 1 year ago. My marriage was ending and I was half celebrating half mourning it. For those who have left an incompatable marriage you know what I'm saying. I was just starting to come out as lesbian to my family and friends. And I thought that my 'fling' was just that. I never thought it would still be going on a year later. Nor that it would have taken all the twists and turns that it has. A year ago I truly thought that affairs could be something outside of a current relationship and not affect it. She thought that too. We both know now that at least in our case, that is not true. The affair for me was a symptom of my marriage needing to end. Or at least a signal that it was over. After 13 years of complete loyalty, for me to even flirt with the idea of hiding something from him, I knew, we were done. A year ago, I was just learning that it's okay to show who I am to the world. Previously I had been very withdrawn from social contact. Not that I didn't get out and socialize, but I never knew how to just be myself and be okay with that. Now you can't keep me down She has been the first person that I ever opened up about everything in my life to. It was very freeing to know that I could talk to her about anything and everything without feeling judged. While my exH knew most things about me, there were things in my past that he prefered never to come up. There are a lot of wonderful counterpoints to the pain that the A causes me. So for now it continues on the terms that i have set out. The ups and downs aren't so high and low anymore. My life doesn't revolve around hers. She is always in the back of my mind, but I've quit trying to reject that. For now, it's okay. ~99
jj33 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 It sounds like you have made some peace with the situation. Which is good. You have seen what it did for you. We never do things for no reason there is always some benefit to us even if we cant always recognise it.
Owl Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 So what's your plan for coping with the renewed contact caused by these shared classes? Or mitigating plan to avoid this situation?
Author Agent_99 Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 It sounds like you have made some peace with the situation. Which is good. You have seen what it did for you. We never do things for no reason there is always some benefit to us even if we cant always recognise it. Yes, there is a lot that the A did for me that was very positive. There is a lot that I learned about myself. So what's your plan for coping with the renewed contact caused by these shared classes? Or mitigating plan to avoid this situation? I live in a very small town, there is no way to avoid her. We work at the same place, although slightly different shifts besides the 2 classes. A friend of mine saw us together walking to our cars the other day and jumped all over me today about it. But it was out of concern that I'm going to slip. But I'm just plain not willing to give the ground I've gained. It's as simple as that. There isn't any hoping that somehow things will 'magically' work out. I've been through enough with her to know that there are some things that will never change. I'm focusing on me and developing the things in my life that are positive, instead of mitigating the negative. It is working much better for me that way. I don't focus on the negative, and wake up feeling upbeat and excited about the day, whether or not she is part of it. The only thing I really hope to keep out of all this is our friendship, we have shared a lot of ourselves and it would be sad to loose that just because we couldn't control ourselves. Like I said before, I'm friends with all my ex's and it would be a shame to let her be any different. So there is no coping, no stategies, there is just a line in the sand that doesn't get crossed now. besides all that working fulltime nights and fulltime college classes plus a kid leaves very little time for anything else ~99
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