buzzie2 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Why does it feel so bad to do the right thing? Recently I ended a relationship with a married man. I was in love with him but we never crossed the line. I had been friends with him for 3 years and knew he wasn't happy with his wife. Well he wanted to sleep with me and I told him that I couldn't have an affair with him, but still wanted to be friends. Now he wants nothing to do with me, and has even blocked me from seeing him on line. I think I broke his heart and mine as well. I guess I just need someone to let me know that I did do the right thing. Although I miss him I know that if I had been the other woman I would be even more miserable.
Legend Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 He just needed to sleep with you and then his current marriage would be over. He wanted to see if it would truly be worth it. I think you did the wrong thing by not living your life to the fullest.
Author buzzie2 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 How would I know though, that his marriage would end if I did sleep with him? How do I know that he wouldn't have just used me to have his cake and eat it too?
djhall Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 He just needed to sleep with you and then his current marriage would be over. He wanted to see if it would truly be worth it. I think you did the wrong thing by not living your life to the fullest. Well, I disagree. If your moral beliefs and honor dictate that you cannot have sex with a married man, then I don't think you should have compromised your integrity for a man who is married, trying to cheat on his wife, and willing to cut you out of his life if you won't cheat with him. As for leaving his wife, if he is truly miserable and wants to leave then he will, even if you don't have sex with him. If you did/do have sex with him, that could just as easily be the extra comfort he needs to allow him to continue to stay in the marriage since he can get his needs filled by you without having to stand up and either fix the marriage or demand a divorce.
Balthazar Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 This is not an easy decision. I can understand the ethical dilemma of sleeping with a married man and pushing his marriage that little bit needed over the edge. Few person want to live with such a responsibility. And it's bad karma. On the other hand, the marriage may be so far gone that nothing can save it. You may have been the trigger to ending a difficult situation for all concerned. Problem is, you don't know what the situation is exactly. Overall, I think your decision was correct and you did show integrity, regardless of whether the guy appreciated this or not. If I were him, I would get a divorce(if that is what I really want) and then come and find you. Seems that you have the makings of a fine woman. CHeers,
Lucky_One Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Why does it feel so bad to do the right thing? Recently I ended a relationship with a married man. I was in love with him but we never crossed the line. I had been friends with him for 3 years and knew he wasn't happy with his wife. Well he wanted to sleep with me and I told him that I couldn't have an affair with him, but still wanted to be friends. Now he wants nothing to do with me, and has even blocked me from seeing him on line. I think I broke his heart and mine as well. I guess I just need someone to let me know that I did do the right thing. Although I miss him I know that if I had been the other woman I would be even more miserable. You did the right thing. People say "let's be friends" at break-up, as though that is easy. How can you go from being romantically in love to being "just" friends? Too painful for most people to do, bc it is pretty hard to be in love with a friend and still be happy for them when they find fulfilling adult romantic relationships. Friends go out to eat with each other (including spouses!) and tell each other about their lives; would he have taken you and a new BF out to dinner with him and his wife for a fun evening out on the town? Doubtful! At the end of the day, he was looking for something for himself - a hidden sexual R outside of his marriage. He wasn't trying to enhance your life and make your life easier and happier - he was being selfish. If he is truly unhappy, he will get a divorce - with or without you in his life. If he gets a divorce and wants to date you, he knows your number.
Geishawhelk Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 It's hard to do the right thing because our hearts are saying one thing, and our heads are saying another, so we generate conflict within ourselves. You did the right thing. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.
Lishy Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 He just needed to sleep with you and then his current marriage would be over. He wanted to see if it would truly be worth it. I think you did the wrong thing by not living your life to the fullest. I could not disagree with this daft statement any more if I tried! You did the right thing!! For sure Why be someones bit on the side when you can be someone else's everything? You would not trust a man who would cheat anyway so I am 100% sure you did the right and honourable thing! Good on you and your principles!
ianandris Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Amen, Lishy. Legend, it's my opinion that you'll live a fuller, more satisfying life by standing on your principles than chasing that warm feeling in your crotch. You absolutely did the right thing. Good on you for that. I'm sorry that worked out that way, though...
Treasa Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 You did the right thing. I think he just wanted you for the sex, and when he realized he wasn't going to get it, he didn't want to waste any more time on you. If he's that unhappy in his marriage, he should leave it, regardless of whether or not he has a backup woman. He's a loser for wanting to cheat on his wife.
Frankasy Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Why does it feel so bad to do the right thing? Recently I ended a relationship with a married man. I was in love with him but we never crossed the line. I had been friends with him for 3 years and knew he wasn't happy with his wife. Well he wanted to sleep with me and I told him that I couldn't have an affair with him, but still wanted to be friends. Now he wants nothing to do with me, and has even blocked me from seeing him on line. I think I broke his heart and mine as well. I guess I just need someone to let me know that I did do the right thing. Although I miss him I know that if I had been the other woman I would be even more miserable. The first wrong thing there was the fact that he was (is) married. I mean even if he got divorced and you two got together, got married etc, what would you tell your fokes or children, that you met your husband while he was married and had a relationship while he was still married. You didn't break his heart, well at least not completely. His wife finding out that he had a relationship with you which would result in a divorce and make him lose a lot of his stuff would totally break his heart. Falling in love with a person who is in a relationship and with a person who is married is not the same thing. You did the right thing of not sleeping with him and he did the right thing of breaking up from you, that way you both saved yourself from much more worse situations.
manugeorge Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 You definitely did the right thing. Kudos! and he's just being an immature kid, showing his ass (not literally). You know, they throw tantrums when they don't get their way. Wanting you to be an accomplice to his defeacation on the sanctity of his marriage and then getting mad at you that you displayed personal integrity. Some friend he is, huh?
Author buzzie2 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 I just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to answer my post. Everyone but one of you thinks I did the right thing- so I feel much better now about what happened. I deserve better than being second best, and now I am ready for the right guy!
Lishy Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Go get em Buzzie, you def did the right thing and remember Karma! Good Karma will follow you now
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