Strawberry Cane Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I just ended a casual sex relationship with a man whom I built friendly feelings for but nothing else. When I told him that I met someone who really caught my attention... he got angry telling me that I was using him for sex, when in reality, I only wanted to have sex the first few times, and then after that I told him I didn't want to anymore... but stupid me, I tried to keep a friendship going, and everytime I'd go over to watch a movie or hang out (like friends would) he'd get all over me and even though I would resist at times, the pleasure was just too overcoming... since he was good in bed... In the beginning he said he didn't mind just sleeping together, and even when I told him I couldn't picture having a serious relationship with him, he said "can we still get together and have sex and hang out until you find someone else?" and I said, well... we can be friends.. but thats all... no sex... (but thats never what happened) One night he had a MANIC breakdown bawling and screaming and I decided to leave, but when I did he chased me down the street in his car begging and pleading for me not to leave him, that he couldn't be left alone, and he was crying like I'd never seen a man cry before, and I felt so horrible and scared for him and thought (well, a friend would help their other friend if they were having a break down right?) so I turned around and went back to his house and just held him till he calmed down. Then I left. After all this, I continued to visit him, every time with every intention of NO SEX, and the idea of harmless casual activities (like watching a movie, or going for lunch) and since he was in so much pain all the time I felt like I wanted to take care of him.... but he was just so ravishing, and would eventually be all over me, and it didn't take much to get me going. The LAST time we had sex he said something that made me feel worried, as he said "I have never felt this way about any girl before in my life", and I thought OH NO!! TIME TO END IT! I know I made a huge mistake going back to his house time and time again, and there is no excuse for that... (part of me always wanted to make sure he was ok) but now that I've met someone I can actually see a future with, he's angry, and part of me is scared he might go back to harming himself. He seemed ok when I got off the phone with him just now, and he even wished me "good luck" with this new guy (although he did call him a goof), and he kept saying to me "I'll be fine, Im not upset, and you don't know me very well because this **** doesn't bother me, it's not something that will stress me out or anything" but if he got so angry at me, doesn't that mean that this stuff would upset him? I'm just a mess, and I know many like to criticize, and as much as I probably deserve it... I think only positive/helpful responses would be helpful to me right now... what should I do? Stop worrying about it?
Melrapuo Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Just a question - how long was the casual relationship going on for? I think it would've been a better idea to have just laid out all your intentions immediately before becoming involved with him sexually first. But, as much as most people will criticize you for what you did, at least now you realize you have to stop what you're doing before it gets even worse, especially for his sake.
Daranhatu Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 My advice: Make yourself as scarce as possible. He calls, be friendly but tell him you've got a lot of stuff going on and can't talk to him right now. I'll be honest, as a guy myself, when we encounter a woman we have great physical attraction, chemistry with - it's damn hard to let that go. This guy sounds like he's not wrapped too tight either, so I'd be wary if I were you a bit. Hanging out with him as just casual, platonic "friends" is not going to work for him until HE finds someone else to replace you. Believe me on that. Until that happens, be friendly if he contacts you, but make yourself as unavailable as you can get away with. Or if you feel you would rather not be friends anymore, just ignore him till he gets the message and moves on. Sometimes, out of sight, out of mind - works. Be out of sight.
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