gummybear Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Not only was he not fat, he was slender and good-looking, plus he had alot of connections to cool places in the new city I'm in. He's not my type plus he made me pay for part of the bill (this is the first time a guy made me pay for dinner on the first date) so I probably won't want him as my bf, but I think he'd make a good friend for a newbie like me in town. He's got free passes to museums and this cool club and wants me to go with him. He said he's gonna email me tomorrow so we shall see. Hopefully this other guy I got from eharmony will be better bf material.
Jilly Bean Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 he made me pay for part of the bill (this is the first time a guy made me pay for dinner on the first date). Classless. What did he do, demand you pay or stay and wash dishes? I wouldn't even want someone like that as a friend, GB. If you pursue a friendship, make sure you ask him how much all these "cool" things will cost you. Who knows - maybe he's running a profit center.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 So was the bill split in half or did you take out a calculator adding up each of your selections plus the appropriate tax and tip?
Author gummybear Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 Classless. What did he do, demand you pay or stay and wash dishes? I wouldn't even want someone like that as a friend, GB. If you pursue a friendship, make sure you ask him how much all these "cool" things will cost you. Who knows - maybe he's running a profit center. Haha no he didnt' *make* me pay. I offerred to pay for my half and he didn't stop me (normally the guy will stop me). He also said 'this is the first time I've gone dutch on a date' which I thought was also weird. When I asked him if he'd ever met anyone from online, he said he's had email exchanges with girls before but I'm the first he's actually interested in meeting in person...ever. He also talked about how he was socially awkward (pimple faced, etc) until just 2 years ago. So I'm thinking either he's 1) cheap 2) mistook my offer as that I *wanted* to pay my half when really I was just offering out of politeness haha or 3) he's kinda clueless when it comes to dating. But yea basically he's the first guy who ever let me pay my half on a first date so that was a huge turn off for me.
Author gummybear Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 So was the bill split in half or did you take out a calculator adding up each of your selections plus the appropriate tax and tip? Well I said I'd pay half and he said he wouldn't let me because he said he ordered the more expensive wine. He also paid for the tip so it ended up with him paying for close to $60 while I paid $30. Still, normally a guy (even guys who are not that into me) will pay in full for the first day.
djhall Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Haha no he didnt' *make* me pay. I offerred to pay for my half and he didn't stop me (normally the guy will stop me). He also said 'this is the first time I've gone dutch on a date' which I thought was also weird. . . . So I'm thinking either he's 1) cheap 2) mistook my offer as that I *wanted* to pay my half when really I was just offering out of politeness haha or 3) he's kinda clueless when it comes to dating. But yea basically he's the first guy who ever let me pay my half on a first date so that was a huge turn off for me. Wouldn't it have been better not to offer if you were going to be upset if he took you up on it? What if he just made the mistake of actually believing you meant what you said and went with it? Since "he's had email exchanges with girls before but I'm the first he's actually interested in meeting in person...ever. He also talked about how he was socially awkward (pimple faced, etc) until just 2 years ago," you probably aren't dating Don Juan here. Since he said, "this is the first time I've gone dutch on a date" this obviously hasn't been a pattern for him and he probably expected to pay until you offered. Maybe he though since you offered that was how things are normally done these days?
Author gummybear Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 Wouldn't it have been better not to offer if you were going to be upset if he took you up on it? What if he just made the mistake of actually believing you meant what you said and went with it? Since "he's had email exchanges with girls before but I'm the first he's actually interested in meeting in person...ever. He also talked about how he was socially awkward (pimple faced, etc) until just 2 years ago," you probably aren't dating Don Juan here. Since he said, "this is the first time I've gone dutch on a date" this obviously hasn't been a pattern for him and he probably expected to pay until you offered. Maybe he though since you offered that was how things are normally done these days? I don't regret offering because it's just part of being polite. I wasn't insistent or anything and all other guys I went out with all rejected my offer and insistend on paying in full. Though I do realize all the other guys had done alot of dating before and thus I did put this guy being clueless as a possible reason and not just ruled him out as being cheap. Overall he was nice and cute, so I'm not exactly ruling him out but just assessing the date a bit that's all. Gosh, all this talk is making me miss my super skinny but adordable ex....
Green Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 180 at 6'1 on a guy who is in shape can easily be slender... why did you know his weight? I'm still slender at over 200 lb's
2sunny Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 if you're going to offer to pay and then be upset about it on the back end then that is just passive aggressive behavior... which is SO not good. just say what you mean next time... if you don't want to pay - don't offer if you don't mind paying - then offer what you did was totally playing games with him so that you'd have a reason to be mad at him without his knowledge = not cool.
Balthazar Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I agree with 2sunny. You offered to pay half and ended up paying 1/3. You can't criticize your date for not paying the whole bill. He was just respecting your wishes; possibly he realized you weren't that into him and thought you offered to pay so an not to be "indebted" to him for a second date. This is no reason to say he is not BF material. I think the more important point is that he is "not your type", which probably means you don't find him handsome enough. If you like this guy, go on a second date and see how things work out. You may find out he is not cheap; maybe he is just a bit cautious and doesn't open up easily. However if he doesn't flip the right switch for you, then at least you are only out 30 bucks. Cheers,
Lucky_One Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I have to agree. Offering to do something and then being offended bc someone allows you to do the offered action seems a bit....silly. If having a guy pay for you is important to you and a deal-breaker (which is obviously is), then don't offer. I hope that he realizes that you are not his type, and that he reserves his passes for social events for someone who will appreciate being there with him, instead of wanting to be with him only for his connections.
Author gummybear Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 This is no reason to say he is not BF material. I think the more important point is that he is "not your type", which probably means you don't find him handsome enough. ok wow just to clarify I am not that superficial. There are certain physical criteria to be met but once they are met (and he has more than met them) then other factors come into play. In fact, this guy is what I would be considered 'hot' and is better looking than my 2 serious ex bfs. But what I mean by not my type is that my 2 other exes gave me the 'fuzzy' feeling from the very first date whereas with this guy it's just a bit lacking in that department with me. Nothing to do with him specifically, it's just a matter of compatibility. Possibly I'm guarded because I had a 3rd ex who I didn't have this fuzzy feeling for but I dated him because he was hot and I was bored and thus it became nothing more than that.
Krajt Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Well I said I'd pay half and he said he wouldn't let me because he said he ordered the more expensive wine. He also paid for the tip so it ended up with him paying for close to $60 while I paid $30. Still, normally a guy (even guys who are not that into me) will pay in full for the first day. When I was dating my girlfriend, I offered to pay for our dates and her being as nice, classy and independent as she is, she declined we split the bill fifty-fifty. It's ashame too many women are freeloaders and expect too much. I'm pleased this guy didn't pay for you, after all you are just using him as a tour guide and little more, you even pre-judged his weight size before you met him, that speaks volumes. He probably didn't think much of you either, hence why he made you pay for your share of the bill, maybe he is tight with his money, either way it shouldn't bother you, he's not your type after all....
westernxer Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 He's got free passes to museums and this cool club and wants me to go with him. If he had to pay he probably wouldn't invite you. LOL
quankanne Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 thank you, krajt and lucky one, you put it much more nicely than I could have ... gummybear, if you expected a free meal from this guy, and from the sound of it, he didn't exactly treat you to McDonalds, you shouldn't have bothered to offer to pay half. Especially since you don't have any true plans to see him again and could have dispensed with the niceties. him saying he never had a girl offer to pay for half tells me that he's probably used to being taken advantage of, and therefore didn't expect you to be any different from the women he's treated to dinner before. And that it was most likely refreshing to find one who *seemed* to be a bit more considerate by offering to split the bill. On the other hand, my thought is that the first few times you go out with someone, you go dutch because it's the smart thing to do. Later, as the relationship progresses, you discuss whose treat it is or if you need to go dutch because you're short on money but you still want to go out with that person. Because circumstances change and you adjust to them. frankly, I hope this guy avoids you like the plague, because from what you've posted, you're only interested in using him to your social advantage and he deserves way better than that.
Shygirl15 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Gummy, you offered to pay half? You know, I find the whole you-pay-half-I-pay-half thing really weird. Either I pay, or I don't. So you both were busy fishing into your pockets for money to pay your half? lol What a scene. I would have openly laughed at you if I was sitting at the next table. Sorry.. Anyway. I think next time you don't need to offer anything. He was the one who invited you to dinner, didn't he? Plus it's a first date.
Krajt Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 thank you, krajt and lucky one, you put it much more nicely than I could have ... gummybear, if you expected a free meal from this guy, and from the sound of it, he didn't exactly treat you to McDonalds, you shouldn't have bothered to offer to pay half. Especially since you don't have any true plans to see him again and could have dispensed with the niceties. him saying he never had a girl offer to pay for half tells me that he's probably used to being taken advantage of, and therefore didn't expect you to be any different from the women he's treated to dinner before. And that it was most likely refreshing to find one who *seemed* to be a bit more considerate by offering to split the bill. On the other hand, my thought is that the first few times you go out with someone, you go dutch because it's the smart thing to do. Later, as the relationship progresses, you discuss whose treat it is or if you need to go dutch because you're short on money but you still want to go out with that person. Because circumstances change and you adjust to them. frankly, I hope this guy avoids you like the plague, because from what you've posted, you're only interested in using him to your social advantage and he deserves way better than that. Spontaneity is the orgasmic emotion of life.
Krajt Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Gummy, you offered to pay half? You know, I find the whole you-pay-half-I-pay-half thing really weird. Either I pay, or I don't. So you both were busy fishing into your pockets for money to pay your half? lol What a scene. I would have openly laughed at you if I was sitting at the next table. Sorry.. Anyway. I think next time you don't need to offer anything. He was the one who invited you to dinner, didn't he? Plus it's a first date. Splitting the bill is perfect easily, simple mathematics comes into play here. I thought a lavish woman like yourself wouldn't have cents, dimes and nickles, just hundred dollar bills, ergo rooting through pockets shouldn't be a problem for you. You would have laughed? I gather manners and table etiquette where not taught to you by your parents, someone as classy as you should have been taught these things. You should only offer if you are willing to pay, trying to sound nice without intending to be ends up with you getting what you a deserve, a dent in your wallet.
Jilly Bean Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 if you're going to offer to pay and then be upset about it on the back end then that is just passive aggressive behavior... which is SO not good. just say what you mean next time... if you don't want to pay - don't offer if you don't mind paying - then offer what you did was totally playing games with him so that you'd have a reason to be mad at him without his knowledge = not cool. Well shoot, GB, you didn't mention initially that you offered to pay - lol! That does kinda change things, as Sunny pointed out. It was a test then - to see how he would react? I have never had a guy ask to pay on a date, but I also have never offered.
Shygirl15 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Krajt, you are damn right, I'm classy. Classy and natural; I laugh when I find something funny. And to me, this is downright funny..lol, sorry. Like I said I haven't bumped into such people who would make me pay half yet. My dates are usually wise enough to make some gentlemanly decisions.
quankanne Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Spontaneity is the orgasmic emotion of life. beg pardon? My point was that sometimes, when you want to go out with your honey, one (or both) might not have the funds to cover the full cost of the meal, so going dutch is a good option if you really do want to dine with that person. It's called being flexible, and that can be pretty orgasmic, too
Krajt Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Krajt, you are damn right, I'm classy. Classy and natural; I laugh when I find something funny. And to me, this is downright funny..lol, sorry. Like I said I haven't bumped into such people who would make me pay half yet. My dates are usually wise enough to make some gentlemanly decisions. Ha! I have just split my appendix.
Krajt Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Spontaneity is the orgasmic emotion of life. beg pardon? My point was that sometimes, when you want to go out with your honey, one (or both) might not have the funds to cover the full cost of the meal, so going dutch is a good option if you really do want to dine with that person. It's called being flexible, and that can be pretty orgasmic, too Absolutely, that's what me and my girlfriend have done since we first started dating, we pay fifty-fifty for pretty much everything. It's a LDR and we have made an agreement that I am more than happy to drive up (4 hours) and drive back down (4 hours) as long as we split the petrol bill fifty-fifty and she agreed with this. It's called team work and no relationship can last without it. Oh, I hope sex at a service station is involved too, I'll check the small print.
Shygirl15 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Ha! I have just split my appendix. Call 911 then. What are telling us for?
Krajt Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Call 911 then. What are telling us for? I'm Classy.
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