bish Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Back up the love bus a little!! He WAS/IS a victim! A victim of her lies. She led him to believe they had a future Uh, but there was one small little problem, and he knew it......she was married. And now all of a sudden after sleeping around with this guy's wife he wants to befriend him and write him a letter in the guise of caring?
blueberry Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Uh, but there was one small little problem, and he knew it......she was married. And now all of a sudden after sleeping around with this guy's wife he wants to befriend him and write him a letter in the guise of caring? *groan*. Bish - he doesn't want to be his friend for crying out loud. He is trying to fill in the blanks (pardon the pun). Doesn't the BS deserve *that* much at least? He's not getting the truth from her afterall.....
Author stampdaddy Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 Uh, but there was one small little problem, and he knew it......she was married. And now all of a sudden after sleeping around with this guy's wife he wants to befriend him and write him a letter in the guise of caring? People DO get divorced Bish.. Peoples marriages DO end.. I was very stupid, obviously, to let it go on this long, but I did. Today is different from yesterday. I am not looking to be his friend, and I am not looking for a f**king pity party either.
allbetternow Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Back up the love bus a little!! He WAS/IS a victim! A victim of her lies. She led him to believe they had a future - one full of rainbows and mungbeans. Why WOULDN'T he introduce her to the biggest thing in his life? You're joking right? He wouldn't introduce her because she was married. Thats why. The child should have been left out of it. Now he wants to talk about how she crushed his sons heart? paaleeasse. Son was a victim because he got put into the mix when he should not have been involved in the first place, and that was SD's decision. You can say SD is a victim if you want but in this case I believe he made a very bad decision and is using his son to get sy:mad:mpathy and hoping the message gets to her so she feels bad about it
Author stampdaddy Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 You're joking right? He wouldn't introduce her because she was married. Thats why. The child should have been left out of it. Now he wants to talk about how she crushed his sons heart? paaleeasse. Son was a victim because he got put into the mix when he should not have been involved in the first place, and that was SD's decision. You can say SD is a victim if you want but in this case I believe he made a very bad decision and is using his son to get sy:mad:mpathy and hoping the message gets to her so she feels bad about it YOU are WRONG.. thank you
winter Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Would this be the first time you have apologized to him? If you have already apologized, perhaps leave it alone now. Reminding him on how she hurt him is rather unkind. He already knows what he is dealing with, and he is choosing to stay involved with her, all things considered. He'll learn his lessons in time.
Author stampdaddy Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 Would this be the first time you have apologized to him? If you have already apologized, perhaps leave it alone now. Reminding him on how she hurt him is rather unkind. He already knows what he is dealing with, and he is choosing to stay involved with her, all things considered. He'll learn his lessons in time. I AM leaving IT, HIM and HER alone now, and I hope for the same from HER, but after a "drive by", I don't know if I will get that.. she is not a "physcho", just hurt and in a "new" position through all of this
bish Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I am hoping that one day, he can see me as human too.. and not a monster.. I gathered from our phone conversation that he already does.. Doesnt mean we are gonna go hang out and have some Chilly's, but now he knows a little more about me and what it was for me.. Go ahead Bish! bash me What bashing. All i said is you and his so-called wife have done enough to him and leave him alone. Your need for "closure" is your problem. Leave him be already.
bish Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 *groan*. Bish - he doesn't want to be his friend for crying out loud. Then why bother? For his own need of "closure"? He is trying to fill in the blanks (pardon the pun). Doesn't the BS deserve *that* much at least? He's not getting the truth from her afterall..... Her husband knows enough. And as a former BS, the last thing I want is contact with the OM. I could care less if he fell off a cliff, so why would I want him to pretend he cares and contact me? He already said his peace to the husband, now its time to leave him alone.
bish Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 People DO get divorced Bish.. Peoples marriages DO end Ah, so basically some man's wife would be fair game to me because divorce happens? what?? .. I was very stupid, obviously, to let it go on this long, but I did. Today is different from yesterday. I am not looking to be his friend Then for gods sake leave him alone already, you have done enough. and I am not looking for a f**king pity party either. really?
Author stampdaddy Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 He already said his peace to the husband, now its time to leave him alone. We are way past that bridge now.. There is no reason anymore for me to contact either of them...
bish Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 There is no reason anymore for me to contact either of them... Thats good. Thats very good.
blueberry Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Then why bother? For his own need of "closure"? . NO - not for StampDaddy's closure - but for the BS. For the Betrayed Spouse's need for closure! Can you seriously not understand that? The BS still has questions that she is not answering - and so he turns to StampDaddy to fill in the blanks that she is not willing to fill. Surely you understand that Bish. And should the tables be turned - I think you would have appreciated it.
bish Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 NO - not for StampDaddy's closure - but for the BS. For the Betrayed Spouse's need for closure! Can you seriously not understand that? As a former BS, no, its not understandable. SD, as someone who thinks he is doing this for his closure, has no idea what a BS needs. What a BS needs is for the OW/OM to leave them alone. The BS still has questions that she is not answering - and so he turns to StampDaddy to fill in the blanks that she is not willing to fill. Surely you understand that Bish. Again, nope. I knew I wasn't getting real answers from my xW, and I didn't need the whole story. I knew she was lying. I didn't need details. All I needed was to get rid of her. I don't need words from an OM to do that. And should the tables be turned - I think you would have appreciated it. No, I would have told him to leave me the hell alone.
Owl Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 There's no point in arguing over this. Something that everyone is forgetting...the BS in SD's case CALLED SD, asking for this information. SD didn't do this out of a sense of revenge, or anger, or anything else. He responded with what the BS ASKED HIM FOR. Some BS's WANT to know the truth. Some do not. In SD's case...he did. SD provided. Case closed. Not rocket science.
Reggie Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 What exactly is "closure"? I agree with Bish. As a BS, I had no interest in hearing from the OM.
bish Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 What exactly is "closure"? I agree with Bish. As a BS, I had no interest in hearing from the OM. Well as Owl pointed out, this other guy sought out the info. I'd say the husband is having MAJOR issues. The husband needs to realize that he doesn't need all the details to make a decision on what to do about his so-called wife.
Author stampdaddy Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Well as Owl pointed out, this other guy sought out the info. I'd say the husband is having MAJOR issues. The husband needs to realize that he doesn't need all the details to make a decision on what to do about his so-called wife. and on that note, Bish, that is what he said to me.. Remember, we talked for an hour and a half.. He said that "I only know about 1 % of the story, regarding the dynamics of the affair.. and IF she had been telling me the truth, THEN I would feel a little more confident about getting into the other 99%, which I DO want to know, BUT IF SHE IS LYING, then the rest just doesnt matter to me.. It would mean that I would divorce her on very short order..." SO, you are correct, now he doesnt need to know anymore..
Owl Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Well as Owl pointed out, this other guy sought out the info. I'd say the husband is having MAJOR issues. The husband needs to realize that he doesn't need all the details to make a decision on what to do about his so-called wife. You don't know that, Bish. I needed all the details of my wife's situation to decide what I wanted to do...reconcile or divorce. MOST BS's do require all those details. YOU didn't need them...for you, there was only one course of action once you learned of the affair...divorce. Others consider both options...and often they decide between those options based on those details. If YOU didn't need it, that's fine. But bear in mind that not everyone makes the same choices that you do. Make sense?
bish Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 and on that note, Bish, that is what he said to me.. Remember, we talked for an hour and a half.. He said that "I only know about 1 % of the story, regarding the dynamics of the affair.. and IF she had been telling me the truth, THEN I would feel a little more confident about getting into the other 99%, which I DO want to know, BUT IF SHE IS LYING, then the rest just doesnt matter to me.. It would mean that I would divorce her on very short order..." SO, you are correct, now he doesnt need to know anymore.. As a former BS, I never needed to know details. All i needed to know is that there was an affair. Knowing she screwed someone else was enough for me whether it was once or 100 times. Details are irrelevant.
Owl Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Again...YOU don't want to know. That doesn't mean others share your view. Some people want to know all that was said, done, etc... And need to know it to decide exactly what it is they need to forgive if they decide to reconcile or not. I'm not saying you're wrong for not wanting to know. I'm saying that other people don't share your view, and they're not wrong either.
taylor Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 There appear to be quite a few betrayed wives who contact the "other woman" for information following discovery. Some go so far as to meet with the OW. I don't think these BW have "major issues." I just think they are trying to process the unthinkable affair in their minds. The OW provide them with missing pieces of the puzzle.
bish Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Again...YOU don't want to know. That doesn't mean others share your view. Some people want to know all that was said, done, etc... And need to know it to decide exactly what it is they need to forgive if they decide to reconcile or not. I'm not saying you're wrong for not wanting to know. I'm saying that other people don't share your view, and they're not wrong either. And I'm not saying you are wrong for wanting to know. You have your reasons. but the question still remains, what information could you get from the OM? What information would make it all better?
White Flower Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Again...YOU don't want to know. That doesn't mean others share your view. Some people want to know all that was said, done, etc... And need to know it to decide exactly what it is they need to forgive if they decide to reconcile or not. I'm not saying you're wrong for not wanting to know. I'm saying that other people don't share your view, and they're not wrong either.I just wanted to add that I totally understand your reasoning. I also understand Bish's. I just came from a friend whose H has left her because he 'has fallen in love' with someone else. My friend doesn't want to know anything. She feels as long as he ends the A, they can work things out to improve their M. For me, I would need to know everything. Was it the sex that was lacking? The way she laughed at his silly jokes? Was she more intelligent? Was she more flexible about everything? I am willing to make small changes as these in order to move past the A if it will strengthen my M. (Most of you know I am speaking hypothetically because I am now D'd). Yet my friend only wants to hear her H tell a counselor what was missing from HER in the M, not what he got from the OW. We all have our ways of dealing with things. For Bish, (if you will, Bish), I believe he cannot get past the physical aspect of the A. It itself is enough to be a deal-breaker. Others can get over the physical cheating and want to know the deeper reasons it happened in the first place. It surely wasn't just about getting a piece of action. It hardly ever is.
Recommended Posts