nnrr334 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Dumped after 3 years. I met him when I was a freshman in college. After a few months of hanging out, he asked me out. I said yes. We had some ups and downs in the relationship, but I loved him so much. I never saw myself marrying anyone I dated, until I met him. I was convinced he would be the man I married. About a week and a half ago.. he comes over to my apartment (which by the way, his apartment is in the next row at my apartment complex). He comes over, and I made him a really nice dinner. About an hour after, he said he had to talk to me about something. "I just think that your feelings for me are a lot stronger than my feelings are for you at this point." Basically, I was dumped. One sentence and my world came absolutely CRASHING down. We had broken up and got back together about 3 times before this. He gets stressed/overwhelmed about things in his life and feels like he needs to eliminate something.. which usually it was me. (Even his sister noticed this pattern) But we had always gotten back together. This time, I think, is different. I think it really is the end. But I can't stop the feeling of wanting him back so desperately and wanting him in my life and wanting to be with me and love me back. I haven't had a single day that I've woken up and not bawled my eyes out all morning...I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm not myself without him. I can't stop crying at every random moment in the day. I just feel like my world came crashing down. He took everything away from me and my emotions, and he took them by force. Not a warning at all. I went to the library on campus yesterday and he was standing by the door. I don't know if he saw me or not.. but either way.. he didn't even look at me. I feel like he had to have seen me.. but not even a hello.. He just kicked me out of his life.. just like that. He seems absolutely fine.. and i can barely make it through the day and function. It makes me sad knowing he never had any intention of marrying me. I feel like I'll never meet someone as amazing as he is. Anyone, anyone at all, have ANY advice that will help me through this? He's all I've known for 3 years now.. I just don't know how to be single anymore.. and don't want to be, for that matter. I feel so incredibly alone without him. Please, anyone help.
EmperorR Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 welcome to the club, it's been two weeks since I've Been dumped after three years some days are good some days are horrible. Maybe your meant for each just not right now. My girl dumped me after three years one day I meant the world to her she loved me more than anything then next day I mean nothing to her the worst feeling I ever felt. I know the feeling someone you love so much you can barely make it through the day yet there fine like nothing happened, and you wonder is this the same person I was with for three years how can they be so cold, especially when you did nothing to them except loved and cared for them. Everyday I wonder even after all she did to me I feel like I was used for three years and I just had expiry date and once I reach that date I was just thrown out. Try to keep busy go non contact try to avoid them, and I know it's hard but keep thinking do you want someone who feels nothing about you and treats you like a stranger. I treated my girl better than anyone has ever treated her yet in the end I'm nothing to her and a guy she has a crush on already yup she has more respxt for someone who doesn't know her or care about her and that hurts but time heals
Author nnrr334 Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 Yup. That's exactly how I feel. Exactly. I feel like he just used me for 3 years. When I think about the weeks before we broke up and how many times he kissed me and told me he loved me.. it makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like I was lied to. I've never felt so pathetic, used, and unloved in my entire life. Time can't go by fast enough. I wish I could fast forward to when I'm over this. If I ever will be.
SarahRose Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I'm sorry you had to join the break up club. It is so painful. I did the dumping after 4 years and this is when I realized I was just being taken advantage of and used.
ahhhchooo Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Yup, right now your ex is going to make you feel worthless, used, like they never meant a word they said. Afterall, how could they have meant anything if they're willing to make you feel this way? If you want advice, read this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ CaliGuy's NC thread, if you haven't been lurking and have already seen it. But what else can you do?
EmperorR Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 And I would also liek to add, it hurts alot I know, because not only are you losing the person you loved and cared for the most, your losing your best friend, I talked to my girl every day for the past 3 years, for hours a day, texting all the time at work et.c n now boom nothing, I gave up my old friends due to her jealously, in the end i have nothing
Author nnrr334 Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 I also gave up most of my friends for him. He really was my best friend. The person I'd tell anything and everything. I hung out with him any spare chance I had since I work and am a full-time student as well. I feel like I have a big empty hole where he used to be. Nothing seems to fill that void.. I just don't feel like myself anymore. Nothing makes me happy.. no matter what. I feel like if things were different and we were together, I definitely wouldn't feel this way and I would feel absolutely fine with my life.. There's no way to avoid him.. he lives in the apartment row that is right next to my row (there are 6). I see him walking to class, from class, at the library.. he's everywhere. I just saw him while driving back to my apartment. There's no way to avoid it.. I just have to deal with it. Everyone keeps saying I'll come out of this a stronger and wiser person.. but I just feel like a fool. I just want to be done with this. But I feel like it's always going to be there.. and when he starts seeing someone else, I'm going to lose it. I feel like I've been semi-strong throughout this.. but that would screw up all progress made. Make it stop.
EmperorR Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I also gave up most of my friends for him. He really was my best friend. The person I'd tell anything and everything. I hung out with him any spare chance I had since I work and am a full-time student as well. I feel like I have a big empty hole where he used to be. Nothing seems to fill that void.. I just don't feel like myself anymore. Nothing makes me happy.. no matter what. I feel like if things were different and we were together, I definitely wouldn't feel this way and I would feel absolutely fine with my life.. There's no way to avoid him.. he lives in the apartment row that is right next to my row (there are 6). I see him walking to class, from class, at the library.. he's everywhere. I just saw him while driving back to my apartment. There's no way to avoid it.. I just have to deal with it. Everyone keeps saying I'll come out of this a stronger and wiser person.. but I just feel like a fool. I just want to be done with this. But I feel like it's always going to be there.. and when he starts seeing someone else, I'm going to lose it. I feel like I've been semi-strong throughout this.. but that would screw up all progress made. Make it stop. I feel felt the same way, i gave up everything everything everything for her, she was the very jealous type, i gave up girls that i talked to since i was young for her, she knew all my passwords, anything she wanted i got for her, helped her with anything she needed help with, gave her my time everything. Luckily im not in the same case you are with seeing them every day i don't know how I could manage that, and yup that come out stronger, you'll see it's for the best etc. that doesn't apply for me, the only thing i realized is that, i'll never trust anyone and shed all my emotions etc. again. What's worse im not attractive to anyone else beside her, and even if i was, i haven't spoekn to another girl in 3 years, im a very shy person and i know i'll never open myself up to someone like that again, i thought she was the one, what a great actress she was
9Lives Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 well number 3 must be the lucky number cause my man just broke up with me after 3 years. It kicked my butt. But I'm not chasing, email, texting, checking up on him. I am moving on with my life. I cant do this no more. But is so great is that as he moved out the way....money has started coming in my pocket from the left and right. I want to be sad and I really am but I am being pulled in different directions that are trying to make my life better. I will always love him but I am not going to go thru this anymre. I suggest you go ahead and have your fit cause it is necessary. I wouldnt give his a/ss the time of the day cause he is doing fine......why you cant be doing fine. Pull yourself together by doing whatever makes you feel good and try to stay as far away as you can from this guy. The next thing you will see is him with another woman and you really are going to be throwing up. So stop the self abuse. I did the same thing by giving him love and attention and just loving his presence but it didnt work out. I just cant deal.
Intergalactic Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 you're going to feel terrible right now. it's just happened, and it's a big big change. i felt the same. it's been two months since my break up, and while i'm definitely not over it or him, and i'm not ready to let go completely of the hope that something will happen in the future with us, i'm getting used to the idea that this is what's on the cards for me right now. it DOES get easier to handle. you need to try and keep the contact with him to a minimum, and try not to beg for him to change his mind, ask for second chances or convince him that this is not what he wants. it won't work, and it will piss him off or convince him that what he's done is the right thing to do. at the end of the day, he's done what he feels is best for him. he didn't cheat on you (as far as you know anyway), didn't dump you via email or txt, and didn't just disappear. it's a relatively NICE way to let someone go, although breaking up is never easy. try not to assume that he's "just fine" either, because the fact is that if someone is with another person for that long, then there is a certain amount of love and it's not so easy to just get over it. but he may feel that what he's done was right and he needs to try and keep up with the rest of his life as best as possible. i also disagree with others who say that your ex can't have felt anything if they've now broken up with you. people change, feelings change, and it's not as black as white as "i'm dumping you now, that must mean i never felt a thing". just like it's not as black and white as "i'm dumping you now, that must mean i'll never feel anything for you again in the future". i'm not TRYING to give you hope with that, but there is always some hope and sometimes it's enough to just get you through this very rough period, because that's the only hope you want. as time moves on, you might find that your hope or wants change, and you don't feel the same about him. the best thing to do right now is let him go. express, if you'd like, that you don't want to give up on this right now and that you love him, and want to have him in your life in the future, but right now you can't be friends and you can't have him in your life at this moment because it's a very difficult time. and then let him do his thing. that's what he wants and needs. you need to do your own thing too. make new friends if you don't have any already, learn a language, do something you've wanted to do for a while, get healthy, try and have fun and take your mind off things. work on the issues that may have led to the break up - maybe you were a little too clingy or forceful with your feelings, which made him feel you were more into it than he was. and then later on, when the pain eases a bit, you can try and let him into your life again. get to know him as a new person, and then who knows what might happen? also, on a side note, i really have to advise, for future relationships, AGAINST shutting the rest of your friends out for one guy. it's a bad idea - a healthy relationship should mean two people share into each other's lives, not make their lives all about the person they're with. the person becoming "too involved" in the other person's life is usually hurt when the other person feels overwhelmed and sometimes backs off because of what the former is doing.
9Lives Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 This is so brillant. You cant image how much wisdom was in that speech you just typed. If anyone takes that advice they will be a much better person. You are the Martin Luther King of advice....That was fabulous.
HopeDiesLast Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 This is so brillant. You cant image how much wisdom was in that speech you just typed. If anyone takes that advice they will be a much better person. You are the Martin Luther King of advice....That was fabulous. hahaha 9lives, thats funny. But so true- Intergalactic I'm on your page with everything. Seriously...you've articulted how i feel so well. I'm 3 months in and my hope is still deep down....I'm just not letting it take over my life anymore. I gotta get past this somehow....we all do!
wayfaerer1 Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I know how you feel. My ex-gf and I were together for almost 4 years. We had our ups and downs too, but I really did see myself marrying this girl. It's been over 3 weeks now since she broke up with me, and it still hurts. Mostly, I just think about how she's probably dating someone else and I'm not. It's the hardest thing in the world to let go of someone you thought you had a future with, and it's even harder to think they may be with somebody else. This is why you need to go the "no contact" route and stick it out until you heal. I was doing fine until I looked at her facebook profile. I feel for you though, it hurts so bad I almost can't stand it. Just feel so helpless and hopeless...
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