Author exriguy Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 Why does she say she married you in the first place? Is there some happy time to go back to or (like my STBXW) does it appear she simply married you without true romantic physical chemistry on her part? Not really a lot of happy times to go back to I am afraid and I wasn't that happy either and have no idea why i am fighting losing her so much. She says that the love she feels for him is different and deeper than what she has ever felt for me, that the way he makes her feel is something I have never been able to do and that what we had wasn't true love because we were both too broken and damaged to know what true love is. the more I type the more I realize how over this is for her -- yet I am still clinging to false hopes about some fictional great renewed marriage that will never ever happen.
lkjh Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 This is the mind of a cheater, they tend to forget the good times and blame their SO for all of the problems.
n9688m Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Not really a lot of happy times to go back to I am afraid and I wasn't that happy either and have no idea why i am fighting losing her so much. She says that the love she feels for him is different and deeper than what she has ever felt for me, that the way he makes her feel is something I have never been able to do and that what we had wasn't true love because we were both too broken and damaged to know what true love is. Well if you were truly not happy that may be the most important clue of all. That said, it sure does muddy the waters having an OM in the picture. The irony here is that even if she does leave you, statistically the odds she will eventually marry the OM and stay with him happily are pretty low.
Author exriguy Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 Well if you were truly not happy that may be the most important clue of all. That said, it sure does muddy the waters having an OM in the picture. The irony here is that even if she does leave you, statistically the odds she will eventually marry the OM and stay with him happily are pretty low. But it will be far too late at that point. Catch 22 is that if she ends this thing too soon with him she always wonder about what could have been, will not get over it -- and if it goes too far with him before fizzling a family of 6 (mine) and a family of 4 (his) is irretrievably lost. What a freakin MESS!
n9688m Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 and if it goes too far with him before fizzling a family of 6 (mine) and a family of 4 (his) is irretrievably lost. What a freakin MESS! You know that's exactly where I just don't see eye to eye with the morals which seem to come from a lot of individual counselors. Isn't marriage about putting the needs of the family above the desires of the parents? I don't buy this nosense that the parents must be happy for the kids to be happy. Now I can understand there is no choice but divorce in many cases involving violence, abandonment, abuse, or drugs. And maybe I can see it if a couple goes to extended MC and just cannot reconcile. But to have an affair before exhausting MC? And to justify such a divorce as good for the kids because it will make mom happy? I just don't buy it. Indeed my STBXW used to speak with extreme contempt about middle-aged men who left their families for "trophy wives" as she would call them. Well regardless of whether she eventually marries her OM or not, how can she not see that her actions are no different?
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