Ex Contacting Me - Need New Perspective

[tomtom26]

I was in a very short relationship (3 months). Things broke off because she said she wasn't ready for a serious relationship. Everything else was there between us: chemistry, respect, mutual enjoyment of each others companies, physical attraction, etc....

 

Things moved a little too fast for her in my opinion, even though I felt that things were moving at an appropriate pace. Anyway, we broke up (or she broke up with me) a little over two weeks ago. I told her that she needed to do what she needed to do for her self and figure things out in her life. Confusion and lack of direction in her life was also a contributing factor to her decision, at least that is what she said.

 

I gave her space. This hurt really bad. I was pretty messed for for two week and I'm still a bit depressed and disappointed from the whole situation. I really had great expectations for us and they all came crashing down. I miss her so much. I got attached to her really quickly.

 

Anyway, I went into NC.

 

Her contacts:

- She IM'd me the next day we broke up......kept things very very short and cut things off.

 

- She emails me 3 days later telling me about her work week and telling me that she hopes I'm doing well. I waited 3 days and replied with two short sentences. VERY brief.

 

- She IMs me a week later to wish me a happy birthday. I say thank you and tell her I gotta go.

 

- She IMs me a link to a song 4 days later. I say its nice and then things got cut off again.

 

 

What is she doing?

 

Does she miss me?

Does she just want to be friends?

Does she testing me to see if I contact her? (I have yet to initiate contact with her post breakup)

Does she regret her decision? And if yes, would she just come out and say it?

 

Please help. I'm quite confused. I don't want to get my hopes up and I think I'm at a better situation to move on. I just need to know what to think of this whole situation and how I should proceed. Thanks

[megapositive]

Could be she's wanting to be "friends" but really keeping you on the back burner. Her persistence makes me think it's not that she's trying to alleviate guilt, because your short responses back to her would make ME think, if I were her, that you're not ready to be friends.

 

And if she wanted to get back together she could at least ask to meet for dinner or something, or say she wanted to meet and talk.

 

I'm sure she misses you, but it's selfish of her to think you can just jump into friendship after she broke up with you.

 

I'm guessing you'd like to get back together with her?

[tomtom26]

At first, very much so.

 

To some degree I still want to get back together. I am a bit more reserved about that, but I still think she's a great girl.

 

I never made much sense of the breakup. Neither of us did anything "wrong" and like and lust were definitely there.

 

She just doesn't know what she wants. Kept saying she is confused about everything and knows that a serious relationship wasn't her priority.

 

So yeah, I still want to get back together. But I have taken on the mindset that it's just not going to happen and have tried to move on. I am somewhat at peace with it all and have started imagining myself with other people, which is a big step for me.

 

I still miss her so much. I just don't know what to make of her actions or most importantly, what should I do in response. I'm already very short with my answers..........which is the complete opposite of how I was before we broke up. I talked a lot, very engaging, long-winded if you will.

 

What should I do? Keep things as they are? Tell her to stop contacting me? Ask her what her motives are for contacting me???

[megapositive]

I think you could ask her what her motives are for contacting you, that seems reasonable. Just guard your heart and be prepared to hear that she's still confused, misses you, but doesn't think you should get back together... If that's the case you could ask her to stop contacting you until she's certain about her decision.